Tuesday, April 28, 2009

An Angry Hole, Among Other Things

Eck. So glad I’m not dying anymore. This weekend was balls. On Saturday night my asthma got bad, which turned into REALLY BAD, which morphed into hives and swollen slash bruised eyes, which then transitioned into the flu, which quickly escalated into the Swine Flu after watching the news, then eased back into the flu. I think. At any rate I’ve been pretty miserable. I’ve got a pretty stellar cough though (getting even a small cold just kills the lungs) and my ribbies are all sore, and every time I cough it hurts my PEG hole, so I generally lie around choking to death on my cough so as not to make my new hole angry. It’s definitely been no bueno.

Speaking of Swine Flu: I’m sitting here at my desk, staring at a large piece of dead skin close to my left pinky. Where did this come from? Who’s nasty enough to yoink off their skin and not even throw it away? And who would leave it on my desk? I mean, I’d rather get flowers or chocolates or something. I am thoroughly disgusted, and also thoroughly convinced this icky skin is going to give me the pig flu and probably kill me seeing as, oh I don’t know, it’s a RESPIRATORY ILLNESS. I’m totally paranoid about this. I mean yeah, I don’t technically know of anyone personally that I’ve been around who was recently in Mexico, but how many swine-germy carrying humans does one run into on a given day? Too many to count, I fear. Yea verily.

Just blew the dead skin off my desk. This was not a good idea because a) the blowing gave me a asthma/coughing/angry hole attack and b) now I’m going to step on it and get the pig flu on my foot. Why do I do things without thinking? Dude, at least I’m not looking at it anymore.

Not much going on this week. I cancelled my allergist appointment today because I knew he was only going to be mad at me because my lungs aren’t functioning very well, but what can you do – I mean I’ve clearly got some hopefully NOT pig flu respiratory illness going on. He’ll tell me I’m his most high maintenance patient, ask me if I’m gaining weight, tell me my arms are looking fatter, (oh wait that was LAST TIME) ask me how I’m even functioning on a daily basis, and then jab some steroids into me via my hip, which is the least coolest place to get a shot. None of this is worth my $40 co-pay. I’d rather go get some capris because they don’t tell me my arms are fat and also I will buy a pair cheaper than $40. Whatever, don’t freak out. I’m going next week blargh.

Please have a better day than me. Run and jump and use your lungs, and cough a lot because you have no angry holes. Then tell me about it, and I can live vicariously through you.

Thank you. :)


Lisa said...

Wait, why would your allergist be mad at you? Have you been huffing pollen or something? He does sound like a bit of a blowhard.

While human skin is definitely gross, I don't think you're going to contract anything from it. I even ate homemade pulled pork this weekend, and I'm still alive :)

Hope things improve shortly.

Kara said...

FML. I hear ya.

Krista said...

You deary need you allergist apt. especially if you can't breath! But what a total douche for calling your arms the F word. I feel the same way though about paying to see a dietitian... thanks but no thanks I'll go buy me something cool to wear! Feel better. I'll be sending oxygenated thoughts your way!

Krista said...

Oh and I can spell... most of the time. Your. Breathe.

P.S. that dead skin thing reminded me of Austin Powers Gold Member when he eats his skin. EWWWW!

Cammy said...

Oh Brie, I hope your holes are happy soon. Please do not get the swine flu, but if you do, can you send me one of those skin samples, so I can study it and win a Nobel Prize?

;) Take care and treat yourself kindly, thinking of you.

Tanya said...

Wish I could say I didn't have an angry hole...but at least my hole has mostly good days...its just angry cause it grew some hypergranulated tissue that my wound care nurse burned with silver nitrate yesterday. Yea something you wanted to know. You will like it better once the super long hose is gone...the mickey is a lot easier to deal with. Seriously...so there ARE things to look forward to.

I am sorry you are having a hard time with your lungsies...thats just not fair. You have enough to deal with...seriously. My lungs hate me too and I catch almost everything...but thank God nothing near as bad as you. Sorry I just could not handle what you have to go through with all that.

Love you deary....I am here for you if you need anything. Hopefully you get to get a mickey soon...before summer gets here.

HAFC said...

This whole swine flu thing has me laughing my head off....how everyone is so freakin' scared. I was at the doctor's today (for a different reason, not swine), and there were families lined up to get checked out b/c they thought they had the swine flu. My nurse told me that nobody had it. Everyone's just up in a crazy whirlwind headed towards Oz, or perhaps, the place where "crazy not sick people go."

Anyway, seeing how I'm laughing about it, watch.....I'll probably get it. Don't things typically come in threes? 1. traumatic head injury 2. pelvic problems (dropped ovary and endometriosis), and 3. (swine flu?)....number 3 is still in the making I think.

So, back to topic...are you allowed to take the plastic thing off your hole or is it non-moveable? Does it work like the NG did and the stuff just gets hooked to the hole or is it different? I'm terribly curious. Can you stick your finger in your hole? Just kidding.

Anyway, my day was a pooper one, but tomorrow is new and fresh, so perhaps things will turn around for us! Good luck.

Stella said...

Hi Brie,

I am new to the blogging community and I just wanted to say hi! I really enjoy reading your blog - I think it is great how you keep your sense of humor throughout everything you have been through and are going through.

Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well. I have some lung issues as well (not as bad as yours - sorry, I know you are probably sick of hearing that from your allergist) so I feel ya on the swine flu thing.

Anyway, hope you enjoy your new capris (if you got some)!


zubeldia said...

oh you poor love, Brie. I have a horrid head cold and even that's making me miserable, so I can't even imagine.

Dear Lord, what is that allergist thinking? I mean, I'm sure it's very motivating to someone who needs to gain weight to tell them their arms are fat. Mercy mercy.

love you.Z

Brooke said...

Oh dead skin. Disgusting. I see a lot of girls A LOT picking at their faces and backs picking you know what. The word I refuse to say. Z*TS. Ewww. I hate that word. Sometimes I cringe when I see them do that while talking and eating with them. I really have to focus hard to ignore it. Ahhhh! Love them, but disgusting habits are hard to ignore and surely the person that sat there before you never had a mother to teach him/her proper manners :)

Bring some lysol wipes to work tomorrow just in case the bug is still lingering. Seriously!

Penny said...

Have you ever sat across the table from someone at dinner and they are cracking crab legs? That happened to me tonight and it was all I could do to keep eating and never look at the legs, I just had to hear the pliers cracking over and over. So I looked around the restaurant and there was a 500 lb. lady right across from me and the other direction was a polygamist couple probably celebrating an anniversary of some kind. So I guess tht I am comparing dead skin to crabs! I love your humor and to read about your day. You help keep me going every day too. I am glad that I, too, can try to give you some humor and also add my sympathy about your asthma and pain problems. But you know, that I know, things will get better. All of your things will get better. i know it!!

jana bananas said...

I had to get an x-ray today and was asked if I had traveled to Mexico in the last 7 days. I laughed.

Telstaar said...


That sucks big time :(. Bodies really should just work properly don't you think? Want to come to the body shop with me for replacement parts?? (or bodies thereof - positive parts of personalities may be kept :)).

I hope you're feeling better soon brie, I really really do.


Love Telly xo