Thanks for bearing with my post yesterday. I needed to vent, to be sad, to mourn a little I guess.
I've been reflecting on December 2011, and boy guys, it wasn't a good month. It's been really hard. Due to some really crappy things that happened, my depression got pretty bad. My anxiety felt out of control, and when I say that, I don't say it lightly. At all.
I've been doing a lot of hiding in my room with the kitties curled up next to me, the lights turned off, and the door shut. I've been crying a lot. I've felt lower than I have in a long time. I've been lucky, because fortunately Brandon has had a lot of time off with the holidays, so he's been there to watch the kids while I slept in until 11:30, and he was being the mama of the house and doing the cleaning and cooking while I felt sorry for myself. He's been amazing. Stellar. I am so lucky to have him, and I probably don't tell him enough.
And I've been thinking a lot. I don't want 2012 to start out as crappy as 2011 ended. I can only wallow and feel sorry for myself for so long. I can't keep this up, I don't want to keep this up! So, though I am no New Year's Resolutioner, I have decided that I'm going to at least do a few things a little different. I'm going to set my alarm and wake up sometime before that of a lazy high-schooler with no responsibilities. I'm going to start cleaning the house, or at least doing a little cleaning each day. I'm going to schedule time to be with Cade each day to help him with his homework and love on him. Instead of hiding in my room, I'm going to try to be around more. I'm going to try to laugh and be in the moment more, rather than worry about the future or regret the past. I'm going to let myself have some time every day to be anxious or scared or sad or upset, because if I'm feeling that, I need to be okay with that, but I also am not going to let those emotions run rampant and rule my life. I'll feel them, then put my chin up and move on.
Although, one resolution I think I do have is to blog more. I feel pretty lonely right now. Blogging seems to help me not feel so isolated. So, thanks for reading, even when my posts aren't so fun or ridiculous. Sometimes I just need to be serious, and to be honest. Today is one of those days.