Tuesday, January 3, 2012

New Year's Reflections

Thanks for bearing with my post yesterday.  I needed to vent, to be sad, to mourn a little I guess.

I've been reflecting on December 2011, and boy guys, it wasn't a good month.  It's been really hard.  Due to some really crappy things that happened, my depression got pretty bad.  My anxiety felt out of control, and when I say that, I don't say it lightly.  At all.

I've been doing a lot of hiding in my room with the kitties curled up next to me, the lights turned off, and the door shut.  I've been crying a lot.  I've felt lower than I have in a long time.  I've been lucky, because fortunately Brandon has had a lot of time off with the holidays, so he's been there to watch the kids while I slept in until 11:30, and he was being the mama of the house and doing the cleaning and cooking while I felt sorry for myself.  He's been amazing.  Stellar.  I am so lucky to have him, and I probably don't tell him enough.

And I've been thinking a lot.  I don't want 2012 to start out as crappy as 2011 ended.  I can only wallow and feel sorry for myself for so long.  I can't keep this up, I don't want to keep this up!  So, though I am no New Year's Resolutioner, I have decided that I'm going to at least do a few things a little different.  I'm going to set my alarm and wake up sometime before that of a lazy high-schooler with no responsibilities.  I'm going to start cleaning the house, or at least doing a little cleaning each day.  I'm going to schedule time to be with Cade each day to help him with his homework and love on him.  Instead of hiding in my room, I'm going to try to be around more.  I'm going to try to laugh and be in the moment more, rather than worry about the future or regret the past.  I'm going to let myself have some time every day to be anxious or scared or sad or upset, because if I'm feeling that, I need to be okay with that, but I also am not going to let those emotions run rampant and rule my life.  I'll feel them, then put my chin up and move on.

Although, one resolution I think I do have is to blog more.  I feel pretty lonely right now.  Blogging seems to help me not feel so isolated.  So, thanks for reading, even when my posts aren't so fun or ridiculous.  Sometimes I just need to be serious, and to be honest.  Today is one of those days.


Lindsay said...

:) I like honest posts too. Sometimes we think we're the only people with real lives until we read about someone else's real life and then we don't feel as lonely. :) Thanks for being willing to share!

Gretchen said...

Thanks for sharing that, Brie. It's always easy to share when things are fun and happy...but reality is that's not how it always is. I spent Christmas with my dad in the hospital and it was the saddest holiday of my life. He has been there for 3 weeks and I really felt like cancelling Christmas. But I didn't. I did the best I could for my family. But it was hard. So here's looking forward to a better 2012! Happy New Year!

po said...

Real posts are my favourite posts.

Annie said...

Hey Brie-
You don't know me at all-I stumbled upon your blog through a friend of a friend... :) and it is my favorite blog of all time. You are hilarious, brilliant and wise.

This past year, I went through a divorce and it was really tough. I used to want to punch people when they told me to keep going and keep my head up. They had no idea how hard things were for me! But, looking back, I am sure they were just trying to encourage and support me. I hope you feel that support from everyone around you.
One of my favorite features of your blog is how honest you are. It's very refreshing.
It's great to see an amazing person tell her story to be told truthfully, bumps in the road and all.
A big fan

Åsa said...

I love your blog too and I hope you feel better!!

Tylaine said...

I love when you're honest Brie and I love reading your blog. So many people can relate to your feelings in so many different ways. I appreciate ya!! I wish you all the best in 2012.

Jennifer Leigh said...

Hi Brie :) I've been following your blog for a long time now but never posted. Just want to say that I love reading each and every one of your posts- happy, sad, funny, whatever! You are an awesome gal, a super mommy and wife and I feel like I can connect with a lot of what you write. Thank you for sharing your ups and downs. I feel like I kinda know you even though I'm on the other side of the country! :) And keep posting pics of Cade and Miss Mila..... they are two of the most ADORABLE kiddos ever!!!

Katie said...

Love your honesty. I think one of the best things of blogging is the knowledge that we are not alone, and you definitely aren't.

Mr Lonely said...

walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D

http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..

Penny said...

I should drag out some of my old journals and show you my tear stained pages....many of them. And writing my thoughts and feelings down seemed to help me so I, too, am glad for your honesty as it is only in that way that we truly connect with people and feel part of a greater design. The quilt of our own life is different from any one elses but we share the same threads and fabrics so thanks for sharing and please know that so many love you and I, in particular love and honor you.