We've all read the research saying that eating disorders can be genetic. I'm not going to talk about the specifics of the research, because frankly, I just don't care, and also because if you haven't yet read any of it, I'm assuming you're smart enough to go to Google and search for it yourself. I haven't the patience for any links today guys, sorry.
Eating disorders run rampant in my family. Call it genetics, call it bad luck, call it a curse, call it whatever. But there's no denying that fact. Generations of eating disorders. Wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, aunts, cousins. So many of us affected.
And I'm so damn tired of it.
It ends with me. I refuse. I literally refuse to pass my eating disorder onto my daughter. I won't have it.
Mila, this is me, promising today, that I will do whatever I can, with all the power I have, to keep the madness away from you. I realize this means starting with myself, and making sure I stay recovered so that I never pass mixed messages to you or lead by [bad] example. I promise, baby girl, that I won't hand you an eating disorder on a silver platter. I promise that I will live and laugh and eat and thrive so that you can, too. I promise that so much of your life will not be wasted, as mine was. I promise to love myself so that you can love yourself. I promise. I promise. I promise.
The madness stops here. Today. It ends with me.
I seem angry. And I am.
But a few things have happened today that have just made me so MAD. People treat eating disorders like they're some stupid game. As if losing a few pounds or starving is going to make everything better. I stumbled (quite accidentally) upon a pro-ana blog today, and I literally felt sick to my stomach. THIS ISN'T A GAME. This isn't something that should be treated lightly, or glamorized or bragged about. On this pro-ana blog, this girl was posting "thinspiration" pics and telling all of her readers to stay strong with their starvation. Talking about how she wants to be thin "or die trying."
It made me angry. It made me angry that her readers were supporting her...not to get better, but to get sicker. That they were supporting this twisted thinking with supportive comments to stay strong and thin and that dying was preferable to being fat. Really? Holy shit.
Eating disorders are not a game, people. They're a disease. They're an addiction. I almost died from one. I know many who have. I'm just disgusted. I'm floored. I'm sad. Things shouldn't have to be this way. I fear for the world my daughter is all too soon going to enter. I really and truly am afraid. I'm going to do everything I can to make this different for her. To change my world, and hers, too.