Thursday, February 4, 2010

Incentives & Inevitables of Gaining Weight

1. Husband will no longer call me Skeletor while rubbing his face (he does that when he’s worried)
2. Getting new pants from the madre from Buckle
3. Getting a cruise! Yes you heard me right – my mom has been promising for YEARS that when I get to a healthy weight and can maintain it, she’s totally sending me and Big B on a cruise to celebrate! This could be happening very quickly – so Mom, start saving!
4. All guys (or so I’m told) like for example over at MBP will, apparently, find me more attractive. I’d say I’m about an 8 on their scale, now, with the gainage. (If you haven’t checked their--> blog <-- do it do it you know you want to its hilarious and weird and brutally honest!)
5. No more bruisies on my spine from doing what the hell I don’t even know
6. G L O W I N G skin
7. Stronger hair that isn't all brittle like twigs snappity snapping
8. A stronger body to help me carry a beautiful little baby to full-term
9. Having more energy to play with C-man
10. Getting this mothereffing tube out. I swear it’s eroding the skin off my nose and clogging my sinuses. I feel like I need a garbage disposal in there or something. Geez gripe blech moan. I hate erosion from tube explosions!
11. Getting free pens from the FedEx guy. For some reason he feels so bad for me, but if the tube will give me freebies, heck yes I’ll take them!
12. Being able to run miles at the gym and look strong instead of all weak like ooooh I’m pathetic and small come beat me and take advantage of me (my T thinks I have a sign similar to that ingrained on my forehead or something…)

1. A decrease in self-esteem – at least for now what with the weight gain explosion happening and all
2. People seeing my larger than Pluto arse when I’m doing the Downward Facing Dog in yoga class.
3. Bigger boobies, if that is even possible
4. People telling me I look “healthy” VOMIT SHIVERS
5. I’ll be too fat to model (no seriously I will, and that’s okay) and thus will never look again like I do in this picture with Lisa D’Amato (the Celebrity Rehab chick I mentioned a few posts back) where I am wearing enormous amounts of makeup (I didn’t do it, blame the makeup artists) and for some unknown reason am holding a platter of cheese and meat. Maybe we were hungry? (Haha prolly that’s a given!)
6. Husband will want to “do” me more. Fantastic.
7. People wondering why the H bomb I even have a feeding tube when I look, like, totes “normal”
8. Curious (aka I wanna gently beat these probing children) coming up to me and asking me what’s on my face, or worse; pulling on their mommy’s shirts and pointing to me and asking LOUDLY “Mom what the heck is on that lady’s face?” Kids can be so CHARMING.  Or worse - WHEN ADULTS DO IT AND SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
9. My beloved designer and much expeeeennnnnsssssive jeans not fitting me anymore. This is going to be a toughie, folks. Although my motto has always been “if you can zip them up then they’re fair game." Who cares if it shows your bum rolls or muffin tops, right?  ;)
10. Possibly weighing more than my cats. I mean, you’ve seen them – they’re more like bear cubs than felines but I sure still lurrrve them!
11. Trying to think of an 11th and 12th reason so that at least my cons are tied with my pros, I mean that should be only natural, right, but nothing’s coming to mind, bros. Okay so go fight win who has any other ideas? (incentives or inevitables?)


Lost in Obsession said...

I think a pro would be instilling awesome habits in your little man that will gear him up for a wonderful and healthy relationship with food and exercise because you will be leading by example.

You will be an awesome mother and someone he can look up to

You will be able to play more when the tube comes out

You will find more joy in things that would have otherwise annoyed you because your brain is getting AWESOME nutrition.

You will be SMARTER from eating and your memory will get better (good for book writing?)

I can't really think of any cons because I honestly don't think there are anymore to add. You are making AWESOME progress. Keep at it. Just think how much stronger you are going to feel or when you go to open that jar and don;'t have to ask for help.

How about having a push up contest with the hubby or an arm wrestle and he has to struggle.. making memories baby. hehe

brie said...

Hey, Lost in Obsession -

Wow, I appreciate the long and heart-felt comment. I'm glad you gave me some more ideas, they were all really kick ass. :) You rock.

dietcokefiend2 said...

What a great list!
I love how you have right upfront acknowledged specific things that could go wrong/that you have to deal with. I bet that will help a lot when you actually have to deal with them, being prepared, all girl-scout like :)

xoxo, tia

Mary said...

How about so you'll still be around to continue your fun and wonderful blogging. You have like a bazillion readers and we are ALL cheering for you and waiting for tommorrows post! You will do this Brie because it's not just about you and you get that! WE LOVE YOU!

Lost in Obsession said...

I don;t comment a lot but I have been reading for a few weeks and really decided that I think your a pretty awesome person. You show a lot of strengths when you write but yet for some reason you are afraid to let others see that. It is a hard process, but just know that you are doing wonderful and that when those demons come at you really take some time to look at that wonderful list you made and ask yourself if it is really what you want.

:) I enjoy your blog a lot.

You mention the modeling and if it is something you really enjoy theres a book that may be of interest to you called Hungry

I am thinking of getting it because it seems really interesting. Anyway, will keep in touch. :)

Lost in Obsession said...

And here's a website for designer jeans up to size 12

See, you can still wear them. :D

I found a lot of websites.

brie said...

sa-weeeet! totes gonna check out the websites - i'll let you know what i think. i ♥ designer jeans...

Cammy said...

I could totally decimate my budget in the Buckle if I had just a nanocosm less restraint.

Incentivable: I truly do not mean to sound patronizing, but as you gain weight your brain will be better able to deal with the stress of gaining weight. It's like a poorly designed chicken and egg paradox, I swear. I am not implying that you are somehow brain deficient right now, no one would think that for a second, but when your body is no longer in crisis mode, anxiety about many things will be so much easier to deal with.

Incentivable: All of the hobbies and interests and other things you'll have time and energy for when the ED isn't consuming everything.

Look at everything you can have outside of modeling, too. Not to be down on the profession, but it seems as though your family, life, etc are so much richer if you're not facing the pressures involved in that job. And I will be superblunt, you are likelier to be a model at a healthy weight than when you are sick with Larry attached to you...don't be offended or to seem like one of the pointers/starers, only mentioning b/c I loves you to death and want you to see that in the long term taking care of yourself is the only way to go!

When you go someplace superawesome on your cruise, can you maybe take pics of any cool fauna that you see? ;)

Hang in there, you should be incredibly proud of the steps you've taken recently. You are a winner.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

15 more pounds to go for Jake.

35 more pounds to go for me.


brie said...

Cammy - what the hell are fauna you biologist you???

And Calvin - you make me cackle. 35 lbs. Holy shitzer!

standing in the rain said...

How about now always being just one tiny illness away from a hospital admission?

brie said...

ooooh SITR that's a good one! unfortunately i know you know exactly how it is to be admitted to the hospital time and time again. it's no bueno. :(

Maeve said...

I think it's good you have more pros than cons!!

The extra energy you'll get with weight gain will be fantastic for helping you to enjoy life more.

Don't forget the pro of "being able to sit on a hard surface without getting a sore bum." Bony butts are no fun!!

CG said...

I am smiling ear to ear for you! I like SITR's point. Also just want to say again (and again) that you are still going to be thin - no pluto-sized arse would be possible! Look at your genetics, right? You'll just be glowing and beautiful with NEW designer jeans and more important things to do with your life. xoxo

Eating Alone said...

Wow the cruise is great idea, but it could be a con as well. Let's face it you eat around the clock, and there is food EVERYWHERE! Including free room service. I've been on 18 cruises. Oddly enough since I started loosing the weight none! Hmm,,, time for another cruise.

brie said...

D, it's definitely true that there is an abundance of food on cruises, but let's be honest, i don't think i'll have a problem with any urges to binge - i think i'll be pretty good at following my MP and maintaining my weight, which is good. if i had gone on a cruise in the past i'd have definitely not eaten anything so i could look good in my bathing suit. now i just look forward to not worry about food so much so that i can really enjoy my trip!

Alexandra Rising said...

I love-love-love your list of incentives...I think there are many great incentives on the list! [Makes me want to email it to my mom and be all *wink wink, nudge nudge*]

I also agree with what Maeve said. Sitting down doesnt have to be painful I dont think. Sitting in a car and not getting sore little bones sounds pretty awesome.

Based on the pictures of your sisters Ive seen, whom are all gorgeous just like you, might I add! I have a feeling a normal weight for you is still quite thin. I mean, you must think your sisters are beautiful, right? You ladies have some lovely genes [and jeans, too]. I do not think that downward dog derriere is anything to worry about! [I harp about having a J-Lo behind, and I feel no shame in my downward dog!]

This made me laugh:
"6. Husband will want to “do” me more. Fantastic." [Glad I'm not alone in feeling this way!]

And chica, unless your favorite jeans only come in a size -2 [and if such is the case , designer is not a moral man/woman] I think you will still be able to wear your fancy, schmancy jeans and look gah-geous in them.

I hope I'm not bothering you with my rambling. My life consists of, well, nothing right now.
And I care about you. You make me smile!

PS Babysitting lady hasnt called me yet. Maybe I should start packing my bags and come babysit Cade.

Cammy said...

Fauna = animals, as opposed to flora = plants. Sorry!

Alexandra Rising said...

PS Based on these pictures you post you still look uber thin to me.

brie said...

alex, you're right - my sissies are beautiful and hopefully i will too!

Cammy, haha, thanks for the explanation. ;)

Angela and Brett said...

brie! this comment doesn't really have anything to do with your post, but i saw these headbands and thought of you.

if that doesn't work, they are on etsy under itsthelittlethingsut's shop

Christina said...

love this post!

lisalisa said...

I know what you mean about growing out of your favorite jeans- it sucks! Maybe you can take them to Plato's Closet or sell them on Ebay or something.

here's a pro: maybe someday, like in the distant or possibly not too distant future you might not have to follow an MP anymore! Wouldn't that be awesome? like, eating a granola bar just because you wanted one, not because it is on the Plan. Or changing your mind and having lovely burrito without having to figure out how many grains it counts as.
Ahh, freedom!!!

brie said...

hell yes lisa! not having to follow a mealplan is a kick ass thing to look forward to - and i hadn't even thought of it...

Kimberly W said...

I just spent ALL afternoon reading the Mormon Bachelor Pad blog. Those boys are funny, although I'm not entirely sure they are boys. I've almost convinced myself it's a middle-aged stay at home mom.

Katannah said...

You'll need your strength for your whirlwind book tour after you publish the sleeper hit of the summer.

t. said...

wow - a cruise is one heck of an incentive! i hope you get to go very soon. :)