Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Happy.

You know, despite all the crap going on that I often complain about, I just wanted to tell you all that LIFE.IS.GOOD. It really is. I mean, restoring weight and going to therapy and working through my garbage while hella hard, has also been a hizella blessing. I can really say that I’m happy. That doesn’t mean that I still don’t have moments of pure devastation, and my angry days where I purposely try to pick a fight with Big B by calling him ugly or hairy or something, but in general, I smile more. I laugh more. I have more energy to play with Lil C and go to work and do the normal things that normal people all over the world do every day; that they all take for granted. I do not take for granted being able to go an entire afternoon without napping; or being able to go to work for an entire month without ever taking a sick day. I don’t forget that just a short three months ago I nearly died. I don’t take for granted the fact that I can now go to the gym and run four miles in forty minutes and feel that amazing runner’s high; that feeling that I am strong and capable. I can now thank God for my body, rather than try to weaken it; whittle it down to nothing.

When I saw E, the dietish, yesterday, she was thrilled with me. THRILLED. I am kicking major arsage in dietary. Just two weeks ago, the T made a comment that I was doing “amazing” in therapy, but only “mediocre” in dietary. That’s no longer the case. I mean you guys, if you could have seen the look on her face yesterday when she was flipping through my mealplan. She was over the moon – she even
L I T E R A L L Y
gave me a gold star! I felt like a proud kindergartner, no kidding. In fact, she was so impressed with my progress that when she sees me again on Thursday, if I’ve gained again, then she’s going to sloooooowly start tapering my tube feeds – like maybe start with half a can less. But that’s half a can closer to me being able to yoink this sucka!  And that makes me happier than anything: knowing that I am finishing this through to the end, despite my fears.

And also:
You all rock. I had a wonderful and silly blog reader (thanks May Evoke!) send me this picture she dedicated to my cats, which totally had me a roaring, and another awesome blog friend sent me a book that I’m just going to start called The Voice of Knowledge, and it meant a lot that she’d send it, and thought of me when reading it – so thanks, S. Anyway, you guys are all amazing. I know that I have my family first and foremost to thank for my happiness and recovery, but honestly? You guys come in second. I don’t know what I’d do without Blogxygen and all of you! ♥ you!

22 comments:

kristin said...

I'm so happy for you, Brie. You are inspiring. :)

t. said...

woot! this post is making me so happy right now! it's really amazing how awesome you're doing - and if i had a gold star, i'd totally give you one, too. :) that is some serious progress you've made so far! go, you!!

Maeve said...

I'm so happy that you are happy!

Your face looks like you are glowing in the photo with this entry. That brings such a smile to my face and reminds me that....

Recovery is BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Tylaine said...

This post made me so happy to read. You are such an inspiration Brie and such an awesome person! Thanks for being so wonderfully open and honest in your blog, I really look so forward to reading it each day!

brie said...

thank you all for your support and love and comments!!!

recovery really is beautiful. :)

"Julia" said...

I am thrilled to hear this!
...and ready start an official cheer-leading squad in your name, should you so desire.

brie said...

Julia, what a coincidence, I'm totally holding auditions for the Brie Fan Club cheering squad! Give me your best high kick and cheer, and we'll see if you've got what it takes... ;)

lisalisa said...

you are awesome Brie, and you deserve to be happy and free of ED! I'm glad you are starting to reap the benefits of recovery instead of just the discomfort that is often associated with it. Keep on kickin' ass!

eden said...

i'm so happy for you! that's so exciting.

Lou Lou said...

yay brie im so stoked for you, what fantastic progress, always and ever inspiring!!! im so thankful for your comment, its so good to hear people making so much progress as i start out in my battle for recovery. which i do believe in!!! i think it was a momentary freak out, im sure there will be more, but they get shorter and shorter.. like i am learning t pick myself up faster. which is great!!!! im so happy for your gold star!!!!!!!!
awesome!
xoxoxox
lou

CG said...

so happy you are happy!! eeeeeeeee.

Kami*Sue said...

So I read your blog a lot (aka stalk) and never comment. But I just thought I would say I think you are soo awesome, and so inspiring, and totally bad a.

Thats all :)

Alexandra Rising said...

:) Yay! So proud of you!
And now I see you are on twitter! I shall follow you!

Jessie said...

Good for you! I'm so happy for you!

Krista said...

Happy you're happy.

(kind of sounds like baby your baby)

rachel ramsay said...

i wanna be a member of the Brie cheer-leading group but i'm not so coordinated so could i at least be the water girl?

Penny said...

I am THRILLED too For you. And for Big B and lil C. And this post makes me HAPPY so happy. Love you ....

Hayley said...

So I've never met you, though we graced the same CFC hallways and white-walled rooms around the same time... like I totally dreamed about you last night all the way from Egypt where i'm living and you were so happy and beautiful.

Don't be too freaked out, I'm a prolific dreamer and had just been reading your blog before bed. But still, how cool is that?

Courtney said...

You know, I was totally having one of those "recovery isn't really possible" days and then I just read this post. Thanks for putting my lame ED voice to shame and reminding me that it is 100% possible. You rock.

sona said...

FAB to hear youre doing so well! keep at it guuuuurrrrl!!! : )

XXXX

Cammy said...

Hey babe was that photo taken today? Just wanted to note that it is one of the most beautiful ones I have seen of you, and that says a lot.

And even more beautiful is that you're getting to taste (no pun intended, I swear) all the things that the ED was keeping out of your reach: energy, enjoyment, time, happiness, etc. It will just get better, and you deserve nothing less.
<3

Cammy said...

And btw, I has a spot on this cheerleading squad, right??? Go, fight, win...