Friday, February 5, 2010

The Treatment Plan

So this morning in the-rapey W surprised me by telling me that E, my dietish, was also going to spend a bit of time with the two of us in our session. (Dude I felt bad she made the trek to the office just to spend a few minutes with me, to only go back home…) See, when I saw E on Monday, I was kind of a snot and backed her into a corner and MADE her tell me how long she thought I was going to have the tube. I was feeling frustrated because I felt like I had no idea what my own treatment plan even was, and I didn’t like being left in the dark about it – I knew they wouldn’t tell me numbers, and I wasn’t asking for them, but I just wanted to know what the H bomb they were even doing with me and my weight gain, and where they were going to let me stop, did they even have any idea what they were doing at all with me, etc.

So the news was bad and good, I guess. Good in that they’re going to let me just get to the bottom of my weight range, where I’ll technically have a normal BMI, but bad in the sense that if I gain more after that, they’re not going to lessen my MP because that may mean that my set-point is a little higher. Also, I found out that this tubage is not going anywhere for awhile – because first off I need to reach that elusive number that makes me ugh healthy, and then they’ll have to decrease the tube feeds slowly so that I don’t plummet weight quickly, (that has happened in the past) and then once they’ve weaned me off the feeds, (What am I, an infant? Wean is such a nast word!) they’ll make me keep the tube in for a week or two without using it to prove to them that I can maintain my weight on my own.

Phew. That’s a lot o’ stuff to process. And I’m just trying to, like, accept it and use my skillllz to get through the anxiety of it all. So this bad-ass motha is going to blog and write her book and exercise and play with C to distract from the fact I weigh more than I have in years. Go fight win.

Okay okay okay deep breath.
Time to go get lunch! I’m thinking a chicken salad sammy with a giant pickle or something. Ooh and a Diet Coke! And something else crap I don’t know what but I’ll eat it when I find it! I’m not hatin’ this idea…

Go eat! Go live! Whee!

Psers: Un-related ADHD thought: you likey my earrings? I’m a fan!

28 comments:

Lou Lou said...

hey!
the-rapey
you crack me up brie!
the tube must be frustrating!
ok, so what is your book about, im doing one too!! so exciting. i dont have much structre just now though. i feel like it changes form fast. its happening though.
have you read kelly cutrones new book. it is super amazing. theres a link to her interview about it on my blog near my blog roll somewhere. new idol.
we dont get celeb rehab here, im super looking for it online cos i watched season two. im so glad u blogged about it. it has helped me make a decision to get some treatment in patient.
yah.
rock on

Alexandra Rising said...

"I'd like to take The Rapists for $200..."

"That's Therapists, NOT The Rapists"

brie said...

alex i'm totally cackling - i'd forgotten about that snl skit!

lou...my book is fictional, but the main character is a lot like me - you write what you know, right? also, i'm taking A LOT from my From Behind Bars series on this blog, so if you're interested, search them out. ;)

Eating Alone said...

I'm going to be like one of those kids you hate - blame my parents - and ask you about the feeding tube. How hard is to get in? Is that why they want to leave it in for longer, so you don't have to have another procedure to put it back if your non complient?

Nosey in the south, david.

PS, I think your doing good right now, and I'm glad your sticking with it. You need to make sure that no one electricutes that cat.

brie said...

david,
it's kind of an ordeal to put it in because i have to go to the hospital to the radiology dept and have them place it. they do an x-ray of my stomach/small intestines, because they thread the tube through the tummy into the small bowel. i actually know how to put the tube in myself, (not into my intestines, but into my stomach) but my treatment team doesn't want me doing it anymore for safety reasons, even though a gastro taught me how! so that's basically why it's a big deal - and it costs quite a bit of money to get it done a lot, so that's why they want to make sure i absolutely don't need it before they give the okay to take it out.

and don't worry, my cat will not be electrocuted haha.

Tia said...

LOVE the earrings! You can so pull of big earrings like that, whereas I can't.
Way to go being assertive and asking what the plan is for you and for getting the info that you need. Mmm now youve got me craving pickles.

Lost in Obsession said...

Brie-

Sounds to me like they know what their doing, and that is great. Know what I did today? I threw out ALL my clothes that don't fit and shouldn't because it means I am too thin. Then I took a picture of me pushing my butt out and sent it to my man to tell me how much he likes my curves. :D Stick with it,. doing great!

brie said...

LIO, you made me giggle. :) Congrats on the accomplishment, and bootylisciousness is the way to go! ;)

Courtney said...

I'm sure it doesn't "feel" like it at times, but you really are doing freakin' amazing. I know how hard it is to trust the process but I really believe (and have actually seen this happen) that it's easier to handle the anxiety and weight gain as our brains are nourished and bodies become healthier.

Maeve said...

That's sad that you will be stuck with Larry for awhile, but I am happy that your team has a plan to get Brie on her cruise.

Good luck with it all!

Katilexis said...

Brie, you are such a beautiful girl, inside and out. im proud that you weigh more than you have in 5 years. thats amazing.
Best wishes, keep eating, and i want a chicken salad sammy now... with avocado... *DROOOL*

Suzi Q said...

Just a quick note of jealousy. You still look super hot even with the tube! I hate you a little bit for it. JK :) Keep up the good work!

allegri said...

You can do it! Every maple doughnut counts!

allegri said...

ps. you are sooooo hot.

Keely said...

Go Brie! You can do this. :)

P.S- I really like your eyebrows in this pic. (And earrings.)

malpaz said...

your recovery team knows what is best for you. and only letting you get to a low BMI to begin with sounds like they trust YOU so thats good.

I LOVE THOSE EARRINGS! IM SUCH A EARRING SNOB!

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Indeed I like your earrings!
Aw Brie- I know the whole weight thing is stressful- but your body will truly function best at it's natural setpoint- and trust me, you'll still be thin at that set point so don't let the ED convince you not to get there, because what use is it being at the lowest possible weight of the healthy range if you aren't meant to be there- still unhealthy.
You're awesome, and believe me, with time and continuing support you'll readjust to the idea- I promise it's not that bad :)

sprinkledwithcinnamon said...

Indeed I like your earrings!
Aw Brie- I know the whole weight thing is stressful- but your body will truly function best at it's natural setpoint- and trust me, you'll still be thin at that set point so don't let the ED convince you not to get there, because what use is it being at the lowest possible weight of the healthy range if you aren't meant to be there- still unhealthy.
You're awesome, and believe me, with time and continuing support you'll readjust to the idea- I promise it's not that bad :)

Angela E. Lackey said...

I'm getting a tube tomorrow, and I have to say I'm a bit frightened about it (and not only because of the weight.) Thanks for the humor!

Angela

Jessie said...

Love the earrings! It's completely frustrating when you have no idea what other peoples' plans are for you and absolutely terrifying. So good for you for making them share that with you. And you're right--you'll get through this. You've already come so far.

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

Thanks to you, I'm starting to develop a tube fetish.

-c

Sarah said...

Brie,

I randomly (don't ask me how) stumbled across this web page, and I thought of you. I have no idea if you have seen it before, but I love the concept and I know you are looking for ways to remember Kendall. If you had one of these (or some other image) made, I would be happy to put and keep it on the side bar of my blog (as would others I am sure) so that you can always be comforted that others remember Kendall, too.

http://namesinthesand.blogspot.com/

Just a thought.
Love,
Sarah

Laur said...

I like your hair like that!

bananas said...

Your face is starting to look so much prettier and I'm loving your hair!

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

LOVE the earrings. :)

Also . . . I mean this with the best of intentions, so if it's something that would be counter-productive for you, just ignore me. ;) I cook. And, as odd as it sounds, I can TOTALLY help you make yummy high-calorie food, if you want to put on weight. So if you'd like some recipes, I'd be happy to provide them. Unless, like I said, it would do more harm than good. (I've struggled with the opposite end of the spectrum - Binge Eating - and although some things are similar, other things are WAY different, I know.) If you want some (super-yummy) recipes, email me: mjlmcd(at)hotmail(dot)com. And if you don't, I understand. :)

Marste

衣服顏色 said...

經驗是良師,可惜學費貴..............................

Teresa said...

I am loving that you are happy and healthy!! (ish) And you will be even happier when I am there tomorrow you lucky s.o.b. :) And yes I am loving the earings! Rawrrrr!

hh1y5t65 said...

The tribe standard is very good continues to refuel
..................................................