Tuesday, April 8, 2008

It Could Be Worse, Right?

Right. It can always be worse. Allow me to illustrate:

I have a zit, nay, a beastly blemish, which has taken respite on my nose. No amount of popping and concealing and itching and begging and medicating can get this monster to vacate the premises. Here, Brandon actually snapped a rather unsightly candid photo of me messing with the bugger. I must be feeling secure about myself today if I’m actually posting this photo. I'm so gross. Seriously. I disgust myself. Suck. Oh, geez. It's so hard to stop. Looking at it, I mean. Double suck. STOP!! Keep reading! Scroll down, scroll down...

It could be worse, yes? Like, I could have giant boils all over my face. And thinking of that, it makes my one unwelcome and unfriendly visitor seem not so dreadful or even unwelcome, you know?

Cade’s currently throwing a poop fest, and apparently I’m invited. He lovingly creates up to as many as thrice a day diarrheas for his mama to clean up. Yesterday I even got some of that blasphemous green, lumpy goo underneath my perfectly manicured pointer finger.

It could be worse. At least I didn’t get the aforementioned goo in my…well, mouth…? Yech!

And besides, how can you think anything this adorable man-child makes be anything short of perfect? Yes, folks, I am saying his poop is perfect, and I am a lucky mama, poops and all. :) [Thanks, Lana, for sending this my way!]

According to the nutritionist, I need to gain 17 trillion pounds, until I am roughly equivalent in weight to a standard farm tractor or small shed. Or something. I also have to begin to supplement my diet with the Liquids Devil Itself, Boost.

It could ‘fo shizzle be worse. At least my eating disorder hasn’t killed me. I mean, this isn’t even funny. I’m damn lucky.

See? I’m so proud of myself for my valiant attempts (however feeble they may be) at seeing the glass half full. Optimism…wow. What a concept. Whooda thunk?!


Shannon said...

Way to be positive! :) I am seriously so sick of changing poopy diapers. I swear I haven't changed a singly non-poopy diaper since Davin was born. In 2 weeks we have gone through 2 jumbo packs of newborn diapers, but I suppose it could be worse; he could have colic.

Penny said...

My dear,
From zits to poops to small sheds, you manage to cover life. Thats really happiness, liking and appreciating what we have now. "Happiness researchers" state that 99.9% of all the people that have ever lived on this planet or who live now have less health, wealth, and comfort than US!! Thats you and who ever else reads this great blog. Heres to the brite side and half-full glasses.

Stacy said...

ooh the diapers, uh the boost. double ugghh to continental zits!
Major props to being happy and Healthy. and being a mommy too!

Tanya said...

You are so right on about how things can be worse. I myself have a huge sit that I have been bothered with today immensly. Its HUGE.

I don't have poopy diapers to deal with thank heavens but one day I will and I kind of want that to happen soon, but only God knows when I will have that opportunity.

But you are right...there is always something worse than what we have to deal with...you have your dietitian who wants you to gain and you have to drink the devils juice which btw I like that nickname for it...I am in that club with you as well...except I don't know what my replacement dietitian will do to me yet. Anyhow...it could be worse...I hope I can keep thinking that way as well. Yay for you for being able to at least attempt seeing the world through that optimism that is so illusive to me.


Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

as you know...i totally understand. After the week I had last week, (and the diarrhea is continuing into this week...)
also by the way, I HATE boost.
I am sorry you have to drink it.

heather said...

I don't understand why so many hate boost? I mean, aside from the added weight gain (which obviously your dietitian believes you need right now), the actual taste (especially the strawberry one) was kinda yummy in a weird Ed distorted way! Having to drink calories, for me, was much more enticing than to have to actually CHEW them! At my second treatment place, Remuda, they actually discovered this about me (prefering boost over actual food), and they put an end to it lickity-split! Oh, the disappointment!

But I do remember the agonizing times of having to slurp 4 plus cup fulls in just a few minutes, crying the entire time, while shouting out obsenities to that crazy-tech-lady Duane? Man I couldn't stand her measuring out my boost! I was always positive she got it wrong b/c she was a foreigner, and we all know that foreigners measure things differently! Yes, I admit, I was a bit prejudiced at the time...we'll just blame Ed for that.

So, although I actually like the taste of some of them, I do understand the hating it part...the weight gain part. That part most definitely SUCKS big time. Good for you, though, in looking at the brighter side of things....that's something I need to learn to do.

You're so funny, even when you're depressed with a big annoying zit, a kid with diarhea all day, tons of boost to guzzle down, and a butt-load of weight to gain! Way to be an inspiration to the rest of us girls! I'm most definitely NOT being sarcastic right now. I'm serious. I wish I had your mental capacity for optimism right now! I sure could use some.

heather said...

Wow...sorry that was so long. You know me, I get so dang long-winded when I write...especially being around 5-year-olds all day...I just find this constant need to connect and EXPRESS myself to other adults! Whew...I feel better.

racher said...

i think you are severely underestimating the weight of a standard farm tractor or small shed.

aLana said...

way to be optimistic! just so you know, it's totally a real thing to feel better due to thinking it could be worse! its called downward social comparison. so way to use good coping strategies all on your own! haha i would like to publicly apologize for not stopping by yesterday. but on the bright side, i had every intention of coming to see you until i saw the time and realized i needed to be home in bed. but i miss you both lots and lots. hey, wanna watch american idol tonight?! it's the charity special with all of the celebs and pretty much my favorite episode of the season! let me know!

The Cheese said...

Heather, I don't hate the taste of Boost, per se. I think I hate the fact that every time I drink it, it brings back horrible memories of sitting in the CFC dining room, chugging a couple dozen glasses down. Yech.

And Lana, I'll call or text about tonight. :)

Rachel: I'm pretty sure I've accurately researched the weight of tractors and sheds. I am well versed in this subject!

Mom, thanks for your words of wisdom. As always, they're so true. :)

Emily said...

I HATE boost! HATE it. I think it's the devil. I drank so much of that stuff during all my hospitalizations that I detest the taste now. Even seeing a package of it in the store makes my stomach turn.

And yeah, things could be much worst.