“How does such a beautiful woman [no doubt he thinks I’m beautiful – he should, I’m freaking married to the man] look like such a scary creature at night?!”
Why, you ask? Why, it’s the wonders of makeup! A little concealer, lip gloss, and mascara will go a loooooong way in hiding the monster that is me sans makeup. In the morning when I wake up, or in the evening, after I’ve rubbed or napped off all my makeup, and I look like a creature that should either belong in Lord of the Rings, or maybe a D-List celebrity on crack, I scare myself when I look in the mirror, for real.
Behold:
Before
And I even blurred this photo to soften the shock and horror no doubt you are all experiencing!
After
And don’t be fooled by the, you know, (uber, I'm sure) Hot Me today. I mean, you can ask my supervisor, Susan. I took like eighteen shots before I found an adequate pic. She gleefully roared while I snapped shot after shot. Even with makeup, it’s still hard to be hot. Pssh. But crossed eyes look goooooood on me. Damn good.
I envy those who look great without makeup, but sadly, I am not one of them, nor will I ever be. And don’t get me started on what I’d look like if tweezers had never been conceived. Or hair elastics (because I rarely wear my hair down, because that would inevitably mean I’d actually have to do it). Oh, geez. If I was born a century or two ago, and was like a pioneer or something, I’d be so sad. Not to mention dead from the physical labor involved in walking across several states. But that’s beside the point. The point, here, is that I want to give a shout out to all my homie chemical engineer friends out there who slave away making perfect shades of makeup to hide my ogre-ness.
Thank you.
[1:15 pm edit: Brandon, after reading this blog, wishes me to notify all you dear readers that the before picture is not accurate - apparently I look even more horrendous in person than the photo offers. Also, he wants you all to know that I look really frightening when I bug out my eyes and cross them, as pictured. Thanks a million, Husband.]
7 comments:
Ha ha, this was great. I, too, envy those who look great without make-up. I don't even look that good WITH make-up!
This was hilarious! Thanks Brie, for making me laugh today. It's 2:30 pm on Wednesday and I'm still in my pajamas without having taken a shower, put on make-up, or done my hair (no work today, so why go to the trouble?). I look HORRIBLE and I would never, no never, attempt to take a picture of me in this state. You are mighty brave, and I have seen you without make-up and you're not as horrendous as you may think. But I agree, make-up can make even the worst of us look beautiful (obviously, when done correctly...and I still need much help in this area)!
Hah. Well you are making a really funny face in that top picture but dude, I think you're one of those people that can go out without makeup. Yeah, I called you dude.
Thank god for makeup though. Even with makeup I can still look scary. Concealer is my friend. Under eye circles are the enemy. Mine are hereditary I guess so they don't EVER get better no matter what. It sucks.
i love that when you cross your eyes, one crosses just a little bit more, making it look freaking awesome.
"you know, it's complicated. and i don't feel like talking about it in my fragile state."
you kill me.
Dude, we are so twins. I HATE to do my hair. I only do it on special occasions. I mostly just hate to dry it it takes forever. I am a get out of the shower and put it in a ponytail kinda gal.
can't wait to see you in the morning.
xoxo
ps i think you are beautiful. I just remembered that when we were in highschool I remember crying to my mom after school one day that I wished I looked like you. I had bad issues in highschool blah
Jana! I have dark circles under my eyes, too, and they are a PAIN to deal with!
Tracy: "Hey, Bleek. You're shorts are looking especially gold today."
"And don’t get me started on what I’d look like if tweezers had never been conceived."
Brie, you are a genius. This is my favorite quote ever. I think I'll go pluck my eyebrows now.
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