Degrassi: The Coolest Show No One’s Even Heard Of

I’m assuming correctly, that not many of you have watched or even heard of Degrassi?
What?!
It’s America’s favorite Canadian show! Okay, okay, it might be America’s only Canadian show. But that’s not the point. The point is that this is a smutty, angsty teen drama, and I can’t get enough of it! I just began watching it, out of sheer boredom, mostly because the writers’ strike was so inconvenient to my late night need to veg in front of the TV and watch anything that would make me stupider. Hence, Degrassi. I’ve thanked Canada many a time for not going on any hasty strikes and postponing my brain emulsion. And I’m pretty sure that’s not the correct scientific word for what I’m trying to say here, but it’s only proving my point that I am absolutely loving the fact that Degrassi is making me, well, a little dense.

But how could you resist these plot lines?

Spinner gets “boy cancer,” and in an effort to prove he’s still a man, bullies the school nerd, who’s a bit mysterious and shady. Bullied Boy ends up coming to the school with a gun and goes on a shooting rampage, shooting Spinner’s BFF, Jimmy, and paralyzing him from the waist down for life, ruining his chance at basketball fame and stardom. Jimmy and Spinner no longer speak. Tragedy.

Emma can’t cope with her step-dad cheating on her mom, so she turns to anorexia. After just three weeks, (yes, three!) she passes out and has a heart attack. Because we all know how realistic that is. Three weeks of starvation and you have a heart attack? I think not. I was roaring on that one.

Darcy is in Friendship Club, which is a Christian club, and she’s pledged her abstinence until her wedding night. When she’s raped one night at a party, she turns into a floozy and tries to hook up with Mr. Simpson, her teacher at school. He busts her and now she’s in therapy, but refuses to talk about the rape. She no longer believes in abstinence.

Liberty is the school president, and she’s pregnant with JT’s baby. She hides it until she’s seven months, but once everyone finds out; her reputation suffers because of it. JT, the boy toy, who was a rising TV star, was shot and killed by Bullied Boy, and now Liberty’s all messed up.

Manny gets drunk one night, and Peter, the school creep, who incidentally is the principal’s son, records her topless, then emails it to everyone in the school. Her strict Filipino parents find out, call her a slut, and kick her out of the house. She lives with her BFF, Emma (the one with the eating disorder).

And there are so many more characters with equally thrilling (and unbelievable) story lines! How can you resist such television as this? And…for the record, I counted last night, and I have nearly sixty (yes, sixty!) episodes recorded on my TiVo, with about twenty more coming this weekend. If anyone’s interested in getting hooked on Canada’s smuttiest (okay, okay, and only) television show, come to my place this weekend – we’ll have a Degrassi Party and get drunk on over-dramatized teen drama.

Who’s in?