Wednesday, February 20, 2008

From Behind Bars, Part VII, On Study Hall and Afternoon Snack

Study Hall was the lamest part of the day. For adolescents who were still in school, it was a much needed time for them to catch up on homework so that they wouldn’t lose school credit while getting cured from the pesky eating disorder. For adults, though, who had no school work, it was like the Longest. Hour. Ever. What did we have to study? Sure, we had our “therapeutic homework,” but I had decided to quit finishing those little jewels when my therapist had gotten mad at me for an assignment I had prepared. She had asked me to write a letter of gratitude to my body, and it began as such:

Dear Body,

You rock my world. Can I get your digits? You are sooooo-oooo hot. When I pass my reflection in the mirror, I think, “Who is that sexy human being with grace and cat-like instincts?” Oh, it’s me. You are one beautiful piece of work, I’ll tell you what. How lucky I am to have
you…

And yes, that’s a direct quote. I’ve memorized it. You have to commit to memory a treasure like that, do you not?

Well. Anyway. After Therapist read that, she made me re-write it to something like,

Dear Body,

Thanks for sticking around all these years while I treated you like shit. Even though I think you’re ugly and worthless, I guess other people think you’re pretty sweet, so yeah. Thank you from the bottom of my half-starved heart.

But I digress.

So Study Hall. I tried to sleep. I had perfected the art of propping up a book near my face so that it covered my ZZZ’s. I had to sit at just the right angle from the care tech so that she didn’t suspect my little ruse. And it worked. Genius Me, I know.

After Study Hall it was time for afternoon snack. Gah! It seems that all we did was eat…
OH WAIT. That is all we did.

Afternoon Snack

By now I’m way beyond hoping for anything remotely healthy. I’d been beaten into submission with enough desserts to ever hope for a vegetable. In fact, I was beginning to forget what they looked like.

So I walk into a heap of mini éclairs. Éclairs are good, aren’t they? But they’re
not so good when you’ve got a pyramid of them on your plate. For real. My own personal little Taj Mahal to wolf down. I actually remember this snack, and the utter horror and revulsion I felt when I saw my plate (nay, platter) of them. The tears began before I even sat down, and I think I recall correctly that I prayed to have a heart attack right there and then. I wanted to survive, of course, but something as serious as a heart attack surely would get you out of eating your snack, correct? But I wasn’t so blessed.

After I get back to the unit and ask for “…a Reglin, NOW!! My stomach is about to rip into several jagged pieces!” (Reglin was a prescription medication that helped your stomach not hurt so much when on weight gain.) And after I finished frantically chewing my anti-acids and Gas X, we waited for our afternoon group, which, for today, was Art Therapy.

The day is just getting grander and grander.

7 comments:

KC Elaine said...

sheesh, you make me miss that place less and less. don't get me wrong - I'm grateful. but golly. speaking of veggies...yeah, nancy made me do weightgain on my own meaning I had to take buttloads of extras, and she got pissed cos I always took the veggies...but then even those were drenched in oil, weren't they?

Laurie and Corey Kunz said...

I have heard of Reglin, I think they give it to babies who have BAD COLIC.
You are the most magnificent writer.
Are we still on for tomorrow morn?

sav said...

Didn't you try to give your eclair to someone else and you got in trouble? or was that somebody else? hmmm...still funny stuff!!!

jana said...

I have to wonder if feeding people THAT much is really the healthiest thing to do. I understand that weight gain is crucial, but isn't that really hard on your body? What about re-feeding syndrome? Didn't Karen Carpenter die basically in that stage?

Emily said...

Ew. A pile of eclairs. I, too, like eclairs... but a pile?! Disgusting. I am grateful my snacks were always, like, cheese and crackers and fruit, even on weight gain. Of course, a lovely Boost or two was always added to that snack, but I'd rather take that than eclairs!

Stacy said...

pile of eclairs might not have been so scary if the bathrooms weren't deadbolted and monitored by the flush natzi's. (this is inpatient stacy's point of view)

on second thought, I am starting to feel sick thinking about it.

heather said...

woah.......I can't believe I almost fogot you and Kyndra stealing my eclairs! Was it one or two? I can't remember. But you guys were just being so nice to me....:)

But then, of course, all three of us got caught and phase dropped (and I had no idea you had even stolen it...go figure). I wonder how they made sense of that.....you guys "stealing" my eclair to make me feel better? That's true friendship! I bet they laughed about it later.....I think WE even laughed about it later.....MUCH later, obviously.