Thursday, September 10, 2009

Excuse Me, Officer Dick & Other Reflections

Yesterday I got pulled over by OFFICER DICK for not using my blinker when I turned into my sister’s neighborhood. I thought for a minute about playing the “hot dumb chick” to get out of the ticket (it’s worked before) but I was too mad at the dude for being so desperate as to pull someone over for something as lame as not blinking. I mean, go catch some real felons, you know? So instead I was snarky and a little mean and OFFICER DICK didn’t like that. I actually didn’t even see him (he didn’t turn on his siren) so I pulled up to my sister’s house and jumped out of the car to get Lil C. All of a sudden I hear behind me MA’AM GET IN YOUR CAR. I NEED YOU TO PLEASE GET BACK IN YOUR VEHICLE! And I see OFFICER DICK behind me. The man weighed 3 times what I do – and he was afraid of me. And then I get a big lecture about pulling over when a cop is following me (I didn’t seeeeee yoooouuu, OFFICER DICK) and how I need to remain in my vehicle for safety reasons (I didn’t seeeeeee yooooouuu, OFFICER DICK). Anyway I was grouchy and after he left I cried. Lame.

This morning as I was driving to work I was so paranoid about a cop pulling me over. But I mean isn’t that double jeopardy or something? It’s got to be.

So Madame Zaritska predicted my birth experience and it is as follows:
The day you deliver, outside will be misty. Your baby will arrive in the late evening. After a labor lasting approximately 16 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 10 ounces, and will be 22-1/2 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and a little patch of auburn hair.

I pretty much object to everything in that PROPHECY except the girl part. A 22 ½ incher all up in my uterus? SIXTEEN HOURS? I don’t think so.

What do we think of the representative from South Carolina yelling out in Obama’s speech last night “YOU LIE!”? Discuss. The dude’s got cahones and I hear this morning that his website is conveniently “under construction.” Interesting.

And what about Ellen replacing Paula Abdul for American Idol? I mean, personally, I didn’t care for Paula much. I mostly felt bad for her because she had a hard time formulating sentences and I thought we kinda all learned that in kindergarten and that made me feel awkward for her. But Ellen doesn’t have any music experience. And how is it going to be for her to sit on a panel of judges and have to share the spotlight, so to speak? I mean, the woman is used to running her own show. And can anyone imagine her giving criticism to a singer or even, like, an errant puppy? How on earth is she going to tell someone they suck? I love Ellen, I really do. And I hope it works out. But I may need to see a few shows before I decide on whether or not this is a good thing.

Who else is stoked that the fall TV shows are finally starting to come on again? I mean, phew, right? Last night I watched the premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, and also Glee – I think that’s going to be a winner. Also ANTM started last night – the short season – but I haven’t watched it yet. No offense to all you under 5’7”ers out there, but it’ll be weird to see short people modeling. Really weird. And I’m not sure I’ll like it. But this maybe coming from a former model that’s a bit skeptical? Perhaps.

And…Biggest Loser. Oh yeah Baby! Jillian you are HOT. That starts next week so set your Tivo’s. Oh and also The Office and Parks and Recreation and Law & Order SVU, to mention only a F E W. Now that TV is starting again, the number of books I read in a given week is going to decrease from about 5 to 2.87. But I am okay with this.

Check out my meal-plan. It’s a lot, huh? Give me support and feel bad for me, please. You may discuss.

That is all.

16 comments: said...

oh my gosh, Brie, this was the funniest post ever! I have such an issue with cops. I know they're not all bad and corrupt people, but I see so many of them turn on their sirens, shamelessly go through a red light, and then turn off their sirens again. What the heck! Also, I've been pulled over driving 5 mph UNDER the speed limit. I get that u can't drive 10 mph on the free way or something, but 5mph under the speed limit? Come on!

Meal plans always feel like so much food and it's really hard to eat that much. But the more u follow it, the easier it gets. If doing it for yourself isn't motivating enough, think how lucky that little baby is inside of you! And your family and friends are provided with so much relief knowing that you'er maintaining weight during pregnancy. You are strong, go you!

I don't have TV but I wish I could watch American Idol to see Ellen as a judge! I also have to go read Obama's speech right now.

tawny said...

Loved your post about officer Dick.
Yes seriously he was.
plain and simple.
power hungry,
needed to feel like "the man"
so he TOOK it out on YOU! Loooooser.

So sorry cuz tickets suck: money and traffic school. You are right, he should be capturing dirt bags not cute hot mama's.

thanks for the update on all the fall shows....Actually me already tivo'd most you said. love it.

miss you this week. xo

Alexandra Rising said...

Man, I wish your sister would have run out with your little boy just to make the officer feel all the more awkward.

I missed the Obama speech as I didn't even know it was happening [actually, I think I was in class at the time. So there. That's my excuse.] BUT I saw a picture/screen-cap of Obama/Biden/Woman's reaction and it was hilarious.

Also, I hope it's a girl. I don't know if you want a girl or not, but I'm starting to feel like our generation is only producing boys. All of my friends just keep having boys. I keep hoping and hoping someone will have a girl. Then again, maybe this means I am meant to be the one to produce a girl. If such is the case, well, she'll have plenty of suitors lined up as she'll be the ONLY GIRL of her generation. Hmmph. Food for thought.

Alexandra Rising said...

PS How does one make the 'commenting' option open up in a new window [such as yours do]? I like this method much better.

Lindsey said...

Wow! There was a time I would have DIED for a mealplan like yours. It seems so small compared to my 9 grains, 7 fruits, 5 fats, 2 vegs, 5 milks & 2 desserts!!! But I feel ya pain, dude. Ugh.

And I DEPLORE COPS. HATE THEM. I am always paranoid that I'll be pulled over... latest, I was out this morning and a cop pulled out behind me... I basically break into a sweat every time that happens.

And I've only been pulled over once - for a quote-unquote "illegal" U-turn. There was no sign saying it wasn't allowed, but yet I got a ticket. Bastards.

Sending "positive vibes" and all that rot!

Lindsey said...

Edit - add 2.5 servings of protein to the above old mealplan. And yup, it took me MONTHS eating like that, to get anywhere near range. And I didn't even think I was that sick - my body (ironically) resisted gaining weight in a serious fashion. Ahhh, like I said... the ironies.

bananas said...

Dude, that just sucks. People not signaling is a bit of a pet peeve of mine when it would be really useful to those drivers around you. But seriously, what an a-hole cop!! What a waste of time. And now you have to pay and go to traffic school? Ridiculous!!!

I wonder if you could fight the ticket. I mean, what proof does this d-bag even have on you? Plus, it's so stupid that the judge might just completely throw out the case! Worth a try maybe!

Brooke said...

Wow...Dick sucks! Loser, he probably has to keep his numbers up in the office at the end of the day that he pulled someone over. Whatever! Sad, you cried.

Yeah, I totally heard about Ellen on the radio last night. I couldn't believe it! On one hand I am friekin' excited on the other, not so much. She doesn't know the first thing about music except for how to enjoy it. But, on the upside, I think it will bring a lot of viewers that just want a good laugh every time they watch the show. American Idol was getting kind of boring, they needed something new and fresh and, indeed, they did it! We'll see if it works?

ANTM...I watched part of it. It kind of bothers me. All the short people have everything already. Now they are taking modeling? I don't think so!! But, you know as a LOYAL fan of the show, I shall endure the midgets of modeling. The girls were saying things like "Now girls in America can actually look at a body and relate with it because we are the NORM, most women are not really tall...we SHOULD be the models. NOt the tall girls. It made me super mad. Any-hoo. It will be interesting. Side note....oh, and there is a girl that lives in a pop up trailer and lives with her husband and a room-mate and she said she has no plumbing, so if she has to go number twoosies, she usually walks to the nearest McCeedees or gas station or plops down near her property. UUgghhh...why? The J's were so disgusted! Ha ha ha...

Longest comment ever. Sorry! Just so much to write.

bananas said...

The average women's height is 5'4." I'd like to know what the tall girls don't have that short girls do have, since short people already have "everything?"

A career only for tall people? I hope you were joking in your comment. What's next, a career only for skinny people? Oh wait...

Cammy said...

If it makes you feel any better, I've been pulled over 8 times (although only 2 resulted in tickets). And I am ALWAYS ultraparanoid about being pulled over again for about a week after the incident.

HAFC said...

I like your mealplan with all the pics on it. How absurdly cute. I had to do exchanges at Remuda Ranch and when it really messed me up big time. It made me even more obsessed. Then when I went to CFC I was freaked out with how they did meals. Anyway, exchanges just weren't for me....but perhaps they work for other people. It's very orderly.....which makes it seem very appealing to me. Actually, recovery is all about mindframe (I think), not necessarily how one does meals. So......seeing as you are doing so well in recovery, it will probably not be so bad, the exchange system I mean. When can you find out if you're having a boy or girl? I'm excited for you!

brie said...

bananas, that was my sister brookie commenting. she thinks short people have everything because she's super tall and wishes she wasn't. i don't think she meant any harm or offense.

Penny said...

Thanks, love being caught up on I guess everything. I am tall and I think that I have always had a chip on my shoulder over it. Don't mean too. Just seems like I have been left out of a lot of stuff. Especially cute shoes! So hard to be the tallest woman my age and I am only 5 ft. 8 inches now and everyone still makes a big deal over it. My aunt trying to console my Mom over my height, many years ago,said that at least I had pretty hair. So Yes, I undestand!

Krystle said...

I was so pumped to see women under 5'7" modeling! Beauty is beauty, and in photos, height matters much less, far as my inexperienced, 5'5" arse can discern. Plus, with heels, we are all tall... ;)

Sorry you got pulled over. That officer sounded like a little bit of a jerk.


bananas said...

Thanks B. Glad to know it was all in jest!

Kristina said...

Funny that you say that Joe Wilson (Rep-South Carolina) has "cojones", calling Obama a liar because he (and others) think that health care reform will be extended to undocumented workers. As if they really want the government to know that they are here! The 'funny' part being that Joe Wilson would probably be offended by the use of a Spanish word to describe him. I would use another word though - pendejo, hijo de puta, cabrón, gilipollas just to name a few.