Monday, November 7, 2011

A Post Pregnancy Update

I just realized my blog might be kind of boring lately, as most of my posts have been Pinterest-related.  So, in the interest of, well, being interesting, I'll give you an update:

I have officially reached my pre-pregnancy weight; it took me EXACTLY 3 months to get there.  Yes, I am glad, and yes I'm relieved that all my old jeans fit, but I will admit that at times I did use my eating disorder to help me lose the weight, and that is something I'm not proud of.  I remember back when I was super freaking pregnant and about to explode with Mila, I thought back to my pre-pregnancy size, and thought, "If I can just get to X weight I will be so happy and never complain about my weight again."  But, sadly, I do wish I was thinner, even at this weight.  My body has been changed by pregnancy, so even though I'm at the same weight I was before, I don't actually look the same - specifically, my stomach.

So I mentioned just now that I still wish I could lose weight.  I want to address that.  I'm telling you this because I want to be honest, and because yes, I still struggle a bit at times with my ED.  BUT even though I want to lose weight, I'm not going to.  I have talked with my treatment team, and we have all come to the conclusion that losing more weight at this point would be a pretty terrible idea - not just physically, but it could really aid the ED mentality to linger, plus I'm at a perfectly normal and average weight for my height, so there's no need to go lower than I already am.

I think that's a step in recovery in and of itself - of wanting to lose weight, but not letting those thoughts and urges actually manifest themselves into behaviors.  Just because I want to, doesn't mean I have to or that I should.  You know?

So, hello Weight Maintenance!  So nice to finally meet you.  I hope we'll be seeing a lot more of each other.  :)


allegri said...

Brie girl, I heart your raw honesty here. It makes me really excited to see you doing well. I know we all have slip ups. I'll admit I have had them recently too. It sucks. And if having ED wasn't bad enough, feeling like you've failed at recovery is a kajillion times worse. But you haven't and I haven't. Its an amazing step in recovery to be able to come to terms with your weight and to focus on maintenance. Which I hate. I hate how us ladies bodies just constantly fluctuate. Ugh. You are amazing. And beautiful. And you will kick weight maintenance's ass.

brie said...

kate, thanks SO MUCH for this comment. having your support really makes me happy. xo

Erin said...

I'm proud of you for your honesty and commitment. :)

Will said...

I'm sure that wasn't easy to write. 3 months is pretty amazing...every Dr. I know says it takes as long to take off as it does to put on. My sister is a Dr. and "warns" ppl their body will not look the same even if their weight is same. BUT those stretch marks, those "imperfections" are just stamps on us showing us that we created life and that those little lovies are SO worth any changes.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day, which was SO perfect. "I'm not perfect, but parts of me are FANTASTIC" What a great message- lets focus on the GREAT things about us- not the few things we wish we could change (that no one else notices/cares about) cheers to that!

Traci said...

How did your ED help you lose weight? Do you have super duper fast weight loss strategies that you used or do you mean just regular dieting techniques? Just curious and nosey, but I guess that's what blogs are for. Feel free to not answer if it makes you uncomfortable.

bri said...

Love u!!! So proud of you girl youre an inspiration!!

Telstaar said...

I think that you should be proud of yourself for getting ready for weight maintenance and being willing to trust your team. I think it shows how far you've come with your eating disorder. It no longer owns you like it once did, you admit to hiccups, but you have also controlled them and you now, I think, have much more control over the eating disorder and that is fantastic. Stand tall and proud!