I just realized my blog might be kind of boring lately, as most of my posts have been Pinterest-related. So, in the interest of, well, being interesting, I'll give you an update:
I have officially reached my pre-pregnancy weight; it took me EXACTLY 3 months to get there. Yes, I am glad, and yes I'm relieved that all my old jeans fit, but I will admit that at times I did use my eating disorder to help me lose the weight, and that is something I'm not proud of. I remember back when I was super freaking pregnant and about to explode with Mila, I thought back to my pre-pregnancy size, and thought, "If I can just get to X weight I will be so happy and never complain about my weight again." But, sadly, I do wish I was thinner, even at this weight. My body has been changed by pregnancy, so even though I'm at the same weight I was before, I don't actually look the same - specifically, my stomach.
So I mentioned just now that I still wish I could lose weight. I want to address that. I'm telling you this because I want to be honest, and because yes, I still struggle a bit at times with my ED. BUT even though I want to lose weight, I'm not going to. I have talked with my treatment team, and we have all come to the conclusion that losing more weight at this point would be a pretty terrible idea - not just physically, but it could really aid the ED mentality to linger, plus I'm at a perfectly normal and average weight for my height, so there's no need to go lower than I already am.
I think that's a step in recovery in and of itself - of wanting to lose weight, but not letting those thoughts and urges actually manifest themselves into behaviors. Just because I want to, doesn't mean I have to or that I should. You know?
So, hello Weight Maintenance! So nice to finally meet you. I hope we'll be seeing a lot more of each other. :)