Friday, November 6, 2009

Missing--

I miss sleeping on my stomach
and
I miss actually being able to sleep
and also
I miss seeing my husband for more than an hour or two a day
and don’t forget
I miss being able to run without struggling to get oxygen
and
I very much miss the blissful, naïve years of childhood
and
I miss having no responsibilities past feeding the dog and
washing my hair on Sunday
and
I miss being moved to tears by the beauty of a tragic ending in a book
because I miss
being able to be moved at all. I feel so jaded.
And I miss
My flat stomach
And
pre-pregnancy body
and I miss
my son allowing me to hold him and stroke his hair and kiss his eyelids
and nose.
And I miss that girl
who stood up for what she believed in
and pushed two bullies
who were
making fun of
her twin brother
when
he broke his elbow.
I miss that fiery passion
and I miss that knowledge I used to wield
knowing that
I could make a difference.
I guess what I’m
trying
to say
is that
I miss
I really really really miss
The Old Me.

7 comments:

Keely said...

Life gets harder as you get older because the responsibilites you carry do become greater. But you are also able to have more of an impact because of those responsibilities. And you do make a difference. Seemingly subtle differences can make a huge impact on the outcome. I just wanted to say that I understand.

Angeline said...

When I was the Old Me I used to daydream about the future. Now that I am here in that future I too at times miss the Old Me. It's easy to remember all the good parts of your past. However, I would never trade the good stuff I have today for the Old Me that used to long for what I have Today. Just keep in mind that the life you have today was once your younger self's daydreams.

Brie, you are a beautiful and strong mother and wife who is truly passionate about the life you have and everything that surrounds you.

t. said...

i can so relate to this post.

allegri said...

I miss the old me too. I think we all do as we get older. We yearn for yester-year. Each year it continues to pain us as we grow older, our skin loses it's elasticity, gaining weight is a perpetual battle with our tighs. We move out, we
move on. We have children. But who are we? We essentially are the same person we were even if nothing is the same. It's awesome. It sucks. It's real.

Brooke said...

I can also relate. Sometimes the pain and uncomfort takes over! Yet years ahead you'll look back and remember the days that sweet little girl was growing in you. Precious. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear. But it is an amazing thing. And, yes, but sometimes I'm a little jealous....but so happy for you :)

Telstaar said...

*hugs* I understand the "missing"... but I am also excited for all the things to come for you... the old me didn't know you, so I am thankful for the fact that I now do and the me to be will know you better and for longer... I hope that you can find a new you that discovers that not so much of the old her has gone missing as she thinks.

I love you xo

Heather Lindquist said...

Me too. I've been Missing for quite some time now. Mostly missing for my mom, but also knowing that if things were now, as they were then, there really wouldn't be a Now. Sometimes it just really sucks to be a grown up. But I also wouldn't trade it for the world. I knew that Old You for a time, and you were as brilliant then as you are now. You're insight and writing makes a difference in my life. Thank you.