Wednesday, November 18, 2009

11th Floor, Surgical Trauma Wing

Yesterday morning I went in to the hospital for a D&E to get Baby Kendall out of me. It was supposed to be a fairly simple, out-patient surgery. The surgery itself went well, I am told. My body post-op, however; did not do as well. [This note was attached to a bouquet for flowers Hubs brought me. It's blurry but it says
You are strong.
You make me proud.
You comfort your son.
I am proud to be Your Man.
Always remember those little secrets. They are obvious to the rest of us.]

It hates me. My body, I mean. But I don’t blame it. I’ve put it through enough. I guess I deserve it?

I bled far too much, lost way too much blood; more than is okay and normal and expected in this type of situation. This caused my kidneys to stop working which caused me to not be able to pee which caused the EIGHTEEN (yes friends, I kid you not) bags of electrolyte fluids they were pumping in me to not come out…which consequently led to a catheter, which is when the little dignity I clung to flew out the window and jumped to its death eleven floors below. It caused my blood pressure to plummet and my heart-rate to sky rocket. It caused numbness and tingling and unconsciousness. It caused me to wear these odd little contraptions on my legs to prevent clots from forming. It caused Edema and the palest pastiest WHITEST skin you've ever seen. I was lookin' HOT last night.

BLOOD IS GOOD OMG SO GOOD. I TOTALLY GET Edward Cullen now, I really do. Once the blood transfusions started, I began to feel mucho x2 muchos better!!

I was discharged from the hospital providing I do the following 5 things:
1. Eat
2. Drink
3. Pee without a catheter
4. Breathe without the extra O2
5. Stand up and walk without help and without passing out.

I'd say 1 and 5 were hardest. But I did it. :) Seriously guys, I'm so strong, you'd totally want me on your side in a bar fight. ;)

So this is kinda like a new rock bottom, for me. Even though I have been eating great and following a mealplan, it doesn’t mean that my body is happy happy put together all over again; forgive and forget. I’ve caused long-term damage that I may have to deal with for a long time to come. :(

So I’m back home, very glad to be with sweet, grumpy, mischievous, bossy Lil C, and My Man. Back to grieving. Back to healing. And most especially back to sleeping in my own bed with my two fluffy pussy cats. Oh and haha Husband too. :)


Many thanks to family and friends and strangers alike who have gathered round and comforted me during this difficult time. You are truly buoying me and keeping me going.
xoxo

29 comments:

Jackie said...

Honey you are the strongest person I have ever met. You have been through so much yet you are HERE. And we all need you here - your family, friends, blog readers. I am so sorry for all the physical and mental pain you have been through. I wish I could help :( I think about you everyday and am here if you need to talk. You are my hero little miss brie. CALL ME if you need anything, ok??? Love you so much. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Lisa said...

Oh Brie, what a terrible, terrible thing. I am thinking about you.

Lisa said...

Oh Brie, what a terrible, terrible thing. I am thinking about you.

ghost girl said...

oh my goodness. You have certainly been through a LOT. I wish you the best... and i truly admire your positive spirit.. ...take care...

Telstaar said...

Goodness, 18 bags! Sooo never letting you forget that :).

I'm glad you're home safe and sound and hunni... remember to keep doing items 1 to 5!

I love you, I wish I could do more.

*hugs* xoxo

Arielle Lee Bair said...

My thoughts are still with you hardcore. ::big big hugs:: Take care of yourself. Your wonderful hub and son love you and need you. Hope you will be feeling better soon!

Alexandra Rising said...

You are wonderful! And Im happy that you mentioned your fluffy kitties.
Take care of that body so that when I get in a bar fight I can call you up ;)


All the best, really, really.

kristin said...

Brie, you're such a strong person. Keep hanging in there.

licketysplit said...

Oh my gosh! Crazy scary! So glad you're okay.

Melisa said...

Brie...Brooke mentioned to me what was going on. So glad that you are home safe and doing better. Keep doing your best even when you can't anymore. Still thinking of you:)

THE CREATION OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE said...

Girl. Once again you have proven to us how fiercely and madly strong you are. You (and my amazing sister, who underwent her D&C this morning) are so amazing. Keep healing. Keep eating. Keep breathing. Keep living. Keep loving and moving forward.

God Bless,

--
-L

Krista said...

You really are so strong. Your body has gone through so much and yet it keeps going. I hope you get feeling better soon. I am thinking about you.

allegri said...

I have to agree with all of these comments above me. You are incredibly strong. You will pull through this. I am praying for you dear.

Pattie Cordova said...

my prayers are with you. I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you.

Keirelle said...

I have no words. I just don't know how one person can go through so much and still be able to function. Strong isn't even the right word because it is so inadequate... I am really glad you are ok!

t. said...

that is a lot to go through. i'm glad you made it through. and i agree - you are strong. probably even stronger than you know.

Em said...

Brie- glad you're back home. Keep being kind to yourself and your body. For me, physical and emotional recovery took longer than I thought it would. I'm thinkin of you and hope you feel stronger every day.

Maeve said...

Oh no! Thank goodness you have your "I'll be okay photo" to remind you that you will truly be okay.

Seriously though, I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Get well soon!!!!

Krystle said...

Brie,

You are truly my hero. Your strength is epic. I am so sorry you had to go through that. You deserve much better. I am glad, however, that you have so many wonderful people in your court. Baby Kendall is watching over a wonderful mommy.

xoxo

Krystle

CG said...

wow, Brie. you are toughness personified. do they know what happened to the baby (if it's not too painful to write)? I am sending you one thousand virtual stranger hugs.

Devon said...

You are constantly in my thoughts. I've always maintained that you are, by far, the strongest person I know. It's a shame that it has to be proven over and over but you've risen through each event with grace, dignity, and a little dirty humor on the side.

I love you. I'm proud of you. I know you can do #s 1-5. If you need some dirty humor and/or kneaders french toast and/or giving Hairy a hair cut, you know who to call.

Kisses and hugs

emo said...

Oh Brie, I cry when I think about what you have been through. I have been trying to imagine this all. I don't do well with getting my blood drawn and I faint like I have told you...I felt gross seeing the blood tube on your arm. You are tough! I am so glad you are in my family and Brandon has you. We love you and are thinking lots about you.

tawny said...

love you!

McIntyre Family said...

All I can say Brie is Wow! You are an incredibly amazingly strong woman. You have gone through so much and done it with such finess!!! I'm so sorry for what you're going through but I know you will pull through beautifuly. What an inspiration you are!

Penny said...

I'm glad for all those friends and family who love you and send such kind thoughts and prayers your way. None of us really do very well alone. I'm glad that you don't have to go through this by yourself. Your husband is amazin in his tireless support and love. I'm grayteful for all who care foe you. I know that it helps you so much. I love you too.

David and Amanda said...

D&C's are tough, but you are stronger! Hand in there, the ENTIRE extended fam is thinking of you and praying for you. Just remember that it is okay to NOT be okay for a while. You have one of the best support networks I have ever seen. Stay well Sweet girl!

David and Amanda said...

D&C's are tough, but you are stronger! Hand in there, the ENTIRE extended fam is thinking of you and praying for you. Just remember that it is okay to NOT be okay for a while. You have one of the best support networks I have ever seen. Stay well Sweet girl!

Brooke said...

Yo babe. You know I'm here for you. I was so devastated that night. I taked with you an hour before all that happened. Me TAwn and Amb were on our way to come visit and Brandon called and told us not to come. Ok, but I was so sad, I burst into tears. I was so scared for you. Mom updated me all night and morning. I'm so relieved that you ARE OKAY!!

Love you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Blakers said family prayers last night...it was so cute to hear him say your name. Aunt Brie. Oh, those words were so precious.

Busy Bee Lauren said...

I had a friend send me over to your blog. I just want to tell you that I am so sorry that you are going through this. Prayers for you!