Thursday, May 21, 2009

Questions 1 & 2

Question 1, from Cammy: What is the wallpaper on your desktop on your computer?
A: At home, on my laptop, it’s this:

And on my PC at work, it’s this:
And on my PC at home, it’s just some lame default one because it was acting up and we restored its original settings, and I haven’t as of yet changed it back to some cute ‘lil pic of C. (Totally putting that on my to-do list!)

Question 2, from Jade: What was my closest near-death experience, what was I thinking, what was going on in the room, and what do I think about most when I recall the incident?
A: Wow, this is a good – and tough one! I think the very most near I came to death was when I was five, and had both appendicitis and peritonitis. However, since I don’t recall very clearly all the events, and have already written a bit about it here, I’ll go with this – and though I wasn’t as near death, it sure felt like it, and was scary as hell:
It was January of 2005, and I was very into my eating disorder. My family and I had actually just decided that it would be best for me to go back IP (for the second time). I was doing and taking a lot of things I shouldn’t have, and I remember clearly it was a Tuesday night, and Bran and I were watching one of the first episodes of the season of American Idol – you know, the audtions. I was lying my head in his lap, and the room was spinning, and my head hurt like nothing I’ve ever felt, and I didn’t know how long I’d be able to stay conscious. An hour or two later, I was slumped on the couch, staring at the wall – I couldn’t make myself do more than that, I had no ability to literally speak or move, so sick was I. Brandon was pacing up and down, wondering what to do. He knelt beside me, wrapped his arms around me, put his head on my chest, and wept. I remember being so sick, I couldn’t even lift up my arms to comfort him. He then scooped me up, put me in the car, and took me to the ER.

What do I think about most when I recall that incident? Well, I think most about how heart-wrenching it must have been for Brandon to see me so sick, unable to move or do anything, and feeling so helpless. I feel a lot of regret, but mostly awe that I’ve put the man I love most in the world through so much, yet his love for me has been un-wavering. When I remember that night, I remember that I never want to engage in the behaviors I was doing at the time to make me so sick. I deserve more, and so does Big B. Yay for not dying!

Okay. Questions 3 and 4 to come later…


Jade said...

You are so lucky (and deserving) to have such a wonderful husband. I'm glad he was there for you then (and always), and that you value your life more these days.

Thanks for answering! :)

HAFC said...

I have so mnay other questions, but alas, only asked one (on your other post)....are we allowed to ask another???? : ) I think this idea is so cool!

You are so blessed to have Brandon and I'm glad he took you to get help. It is definitely scary being that sick, wanting to die to be "over it all", yet not wanting to die because you'd lose so many good and important things, like Brandon and Cade. Also, I love your work pic. Cute.

Laura said...

Yay for not dying? You are a whack job, B!!! I say that lovingly, you just have such a way with words...and yes...YAY, for you not dying!!!!!!

Cammy said...

Cute pictures! You are of course an exceptionally good-looking couple, but that pales in comparison to the image of you two that is painted in Answer #2. I am very glad you were both lucky enough to find one another.

(Brandon doesn't happen to have any bachelor brothers, does he...?)

Telstaar said...

I started to cry. I know I'm tired but... *hugs* I'm so glad you're here Miss Brie, I really really am xoxox

bananas said...

I've already claimed Brandon's youngest brother even though I'm like 100 years older than him.