Hi everybody, I know I’ve been quiet lately. I guess I just haven’t been much in the mood to write, which is terribly odd. Maybe if I had something extraordinary to update you all on, at least my posts would be interesting. As it is, everything, pretty much unfortunately, is same old same old. Here are a few highlights (or lowlights, whatever) on what’s been going on, and then I’ll answer a couple Q’s.Highlight: Lil C now insists on calling himself Cappa-Taden. He used to refer to himself as Tade, or Taden, but now has inserted a ‘Cappa’ before it. I find this hilarious. I call him Bubbers, and he’ll say, “No Mommy! I not Bubbers. I Cappa-Taden! Oo (meaning you) Bubbers!” Last night my mom was Cappa-Gwandma, and I was Cappa-Mommy. Where do kids come up with these things?
Memorial Day weekend was nice. We didn’t do anything too grand, but we made a picnic of fresh turkey wraps and strawberries with a yogurt dip and took it down to a park with a nice river, that was actually really high with the spring run-off. C loved it, and it was nice to relax. Later that evening we went to a BBQ at Big B’s parental’s. I, in typical Brie fashion, did not plan ahead and therefore was charging my camera’s battery the whole time, thus no pictures.
I’m kind of in this place again where I think that if I quit work and quit going to my doctor appointments and quit life, basically, things will get better. This is entirely cyclical, and I know I’m being irrational, but it doesn’t really help the thoughts go away. About every couple of months I’ll contemplate doing this; and everybody will tell me I’m being totally lame, and then I’ll eventually snap out of it. Hoping I’ll snap out of it before 1:30, which is when I’m scheduled to see my ED doc, and before 4:00, when I’m supposed to see the psychiatrist, Mr. Orville Redenbacher. Gross. Definitely a lowlight. This whole paragraph reminds me of a quote in the movie Little Rascals. I watch it all the time now, cuz C has (so, SO fortunately) moved on from Spongebob AnnoyingPants and now watches Garfield and Little Rascals all the time. Well, Alfalfa is totally naked except for his big boys, and he’s running down the street, being chased by bullies. Everything keeps going wrong, the poor kid can’t catch a break, and suddenly he stops running, and says, “And then the clouds opened up, and God said, I hate you, Alfalfa.” Yessss. Totally that was my day yesterday! It involved getting written up at work for an unexcused absence because for some reason my FMLA wasn’t approved, walking out (yes, like just leaving) a doctor’s appointment with out telling anybody, and then ignoring their half a dozen phone calls, no weight gain to report at the D, etc. Lotsa tears. A highlight, though: things probably can’t get worse, so by default I think today has to be better, unless I like get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice or something?
Okay, going in for minor surgery tomorrow morning to get this PEG out and have a Mic-Key (or button) placed. This is entirely awesome because instead of having an 8 inch "teeny weenie," as Husband so affectionately states, I'll only have a one or two inch tubey coming out. Hopefully it won't hurt as much as last time, I mean, it literally can't, because I can't afford to go back to the hospital and be out of work, so let's hope that I emerge unscathed from the ordeal.
Okay, I’ll answer more Q’s next time. I know I’m lame, but I totally need to bounce. Have a good day, please!
14 comments:
Even when you feel down, I still love reading your posts...they still cheer me up with your sarcasm and honesty. I'm sooo glad you had an awesomely relaxing time at the river on Memorial day with your fam! About Cade calling you and your mom weird things, my mom told me I called her Bernice for about 4-5 years. WTF? I still don't get it, cuz obviously that wasn't even her name. I have no idea where I got it.
Anyway, about wanting to quite therapy, going to docs, and just life in general, I understand (at least some of it). I won't be one of those people that says, "No Brie...you HAVE to keep doing what you're doing! You can't give up now!" Although I want to. BUT.....the fact remains, like you said, that you have these thoughts every once in a while and eventually they go away, so that makes me happy. I think everyone in recovery goes through that pattern of thinking and deciding. My story of recovery is so different from everyone elses, that it seems very odd and untrue, but it IS true, however, I wouldn't recommend it. I quit all therapy, all my doc appts, all my mediation, my D appts, moved out east, refrained from hanging out with or getting overly involved with those still suffering from ED, and I somehow managed to recover. Having it all gone and out of my "face" and "life" actually DID help me recover. It was the turning point for me. I was finally sick of it and tired of it. I finally wanted to grow up and be the woman that God created me to be, whether that be curvy or not. It took time, but about 6 months later, I can honestly say I was not practicing any ED behaviors, although I still had the thoughts. Then, even much later, the thoughts slowly decreased, until now, where I hardly ever have them. I know I always have to be weary and cautious though, b/c I certainly have an addictive personality and I'd totally go down that ED route again if something major tipped my boat. I have to be careful, even now.
So, it can be done...quitting everything, with some people, but not all. I trust that you'll do what you know to be the best for you, as only you know that.
Oh, and I looooooove the rascals! Are they making "re-makes" now of the old ones? They're hilarious, and yes, that line you quoted fits perfectly!
Last thing, what if you were shaped like a boomerang (sp?) and someone threw you toward the sun where you got stuck? Now, that would suck royally too!
Keep up with the humor and sarcasm.....and it's okay to take a break from blogging....I do ALL the time, especially when nothing special is going on and I feel bored.
I'm glad you're feeling physically better (from the pneumonia)...I bet that sucked a lot of energy out of you!
And by the way, your tans ROCK! I soooooo wish I could tan like you! Seattle's rain makes everyone here look like ghosts.
Stick with it Brie!
BTW, "hot garbage juice" sounds just as gross as it probably feels.
I'm glad you had a decent Memorial Day weekend, but I'm sorry that yesterday really sucked. I hope you can get the FMLA stuff worked out. Good luck with your surgery tomorrow. Thinking of you...
Cade was saying his "new name" at the park yesterday. And he was playing so GOOD with Mace. He left us and was ssoooo independent, he seemed so happy!
I saw Oroville Redenbacher yesterday! Great...we're going in the same week. Kind of embarrassing. ha ha ha....whateves!
I'll talk to you soon. Hadn't heard about surgery. I'll call!
What surgery are you having?
Oh, and my apologies for such a long comment...didn't know how long it was until I pressed enter. :)
don't apologize for the long comment, i appreciated it very much!
the surgery i'm having is basically a new peg tube...smaller and easier to deal with. if you're really interested, which i doubt you are, you can read more about it at
www.mic-key.com
take care!
I just took out a ruler, measured eight inches, and realized what a true pain the the ass a PEG tube must be. Hope the surgery goes well and the transition to the mic-key is a good one.
Is "cappa" short for Captain? Whatever he means, it's freaking adorable. Your picnic sounds like fun!
whoa! i've been there.. am there right noow.. you see.. I call it CSS.. class skippin syndrome, Im in University and my career is a piece of cake yet It costs me a lot to do some stuff and I end up skipping and wanting to quit everything before they bailed me.. call it fear to failing.. I've been about to lose my job 3 times now for not showing up and class.. well im pretty sure Ill be spending some of my presious summer in class while all those other losers are skinny dippin smwhere fun..:[ .. and so..we know quiting is not the answer, yet we get tired.. just like most people do.. we've quit before, we quit life, food, friends, love.. let's not quit breathing. breath it babe hah.. the solution is not quiting.. we werent happier when we were quiters.. If is a circle, lets try to spin the wheel faster when we hit that stone [if u know what i mean :p] :) cheen up!
I am not even going through any particular deals but i feel better after reading your blog. Even though your life is crazy you make your readers somehow believe they can feel better and that you will too! I also love reading everyone's coomments. They are helpful too us all, I believe. Good luck, my dear, and we will be praying for you! mucho love.
Oh my I totally get the wanting to quit everything. kinda like if you don't go a) it can't get worse, b) you can pretend it doesn't exist!!! Plus a whole lot more... I think I do this after every GP appt and maybe after every second counselling appt right now... totally get it.
Yay re mic-key :), boo re work :(
Thankyou for just being you, no matter what the weather :)
Love Telly xo
good luck sweets, thinking of you.
good luck today..thinking of you. xoxo
Yay for the "button". Sounds like it'll be MUCH better to deal with and you can get back in your clothes without worrying about the lump of tube in your belly parts.
Don't have much to offer with the whole wanting to give up thing, other than we've all been there, and it sounds like you ahve too. Just one of those things you have to ride out, I guess.
Whether or not you feel it, your actions demonstrate that you are a very strong and persistent woman. You have continued to push through all the obstacles you've faced in the last few years, and here you are going to work, being a mom, and going to your doctor's appointments. You play the card you were dealt very well, Brie.
I hope your surgery goes well. A button sounds cool, kind of like flair, right?
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