I Want to Leave a Flaming Bag of Poop on a Doorstep

I'm a sicky. Boo. Double boo! I've been sick for like a week, and Lil C is sick, and I have to actually be selfless and take care of him because I'm an adult and he shares half my genes so I'm obligated to and it was the Good Samaritan like thing to do. My face feels like it be on fire. Fever's blow.

So I totally went to Joanne's today to comprar another half yard of fabric for my curtains. The line was like a gazillion long and I had to fight with old ladies in creepy mom pants to get my fabric cut. Also, when I got home, I saw that I didn't even buy the right fabric, and I realized that I was, in fact, losing my mind. It was fun.

So, remember Princess, the aforementioned neighbor who was abandoned on her uncle's farm or whateva? Well the little banshee is NOT shy. She keeps wandering into the house because the doors are often open while it's being worked on to help dissipate the dust and such. So, in she saunters, and out we chase her. In again, out again oh how fun (that's what she said). Well, this afternoon she snuck in AGAIN, and booked it down in the basement. I ran after her because my kitties were down there and I knew that there was going to be a major bitch fest if they met. And they did. And it was BAD. I grabbed Princess just as Bobbi lumbered onto the scene. They both started like doing this hiss/growl thing that almost made me wet my pants. Princess started writhing in my hands and I got all busted up. Bobbi ran at her and leaped in the air, grabbed onto her, and dragged her out of my hands. Bobbi's a big girl, I had no idea she had the athletic prowess in her to do such a kung fu-esque thing. (GOOD JOB!) I started screaming I NEED HELP DOWN HERE while trying to not get killed while breaking the two girls up. Nobody heard me due to Paul McCartney blaring upstairs, lame lame lame town. Eventually Princess ran up the stairs with Bobbi chasing her. She eventually ran out the door and I followed her, muttering, trying to find her so that I could take her back to her family next door and tell them to KEEP THEIR DAMN CAT IN THE HOUSE, SHE'S UPSETTING THE DELICATE TEMPERAMENTS OF MY KITTY LOVERS.

I didn't find her, but when I do, oh I will go there and I will tell the neighbors what is going down. And if they don't listen and keep their cat on their own property, then I will poop in a brown bag and light it on fire and put it on their porch. And I will laugh and be gleeful.

I just want life to be easy. I want life to be devoid of old ladies in creepy mom pants and possessed cats who want to hurt my kitty lovers.

I want to be better. I want my child to be better. I want a kitchen.

I want to leaving a flaming bag of poop on a doorstep.