Monday, November 17, 2008

I Almost Exploded Today, and also, My Cats are Weirdos

Remember how Princess the Whore unleashed a hibernating psychosis in Bobbi when she was trying to protect me (her property), and I was like I NEED HELP DOWN HERE, and no one would come, and the whole thing was really very upsetting?? Well, the psychosis is lingering. Bobbi is being such a drama queen, and she still hasn't forgotten what happened. I swear, aren't their brains like the size of an egg or something? Damn this cat could win at Memory for realsies, and she DEF knows how to hold a grudge! She HATES me and her little sister Hairy and is acting all weird. She's acting like I was caught fooling around with another cat, rather than trying to save her beautiful person. And she won't stop hissing at Hairy, and Hairy's like WTF? We used to be besties, you were like my PERSON, and now you're treating me like the dime store hooker I am. Why am I being shunned by my big sister? Why isn't my fur soft anymore? Am I a virgin? And also where did the kitchen go? And now I have to whore myself for love with Mommy and Daddy, since the GIANT ONE will no longer give of it freely.

So I've got a 2 year old in the terrible, turbulent trial that is the too-long lasting 2nd year, and I've got a dick and a slut for cats. Sweet.

Also, I was in a minor car accident today, and it was absolutely my fault. When I got out of the car to talk to the dude I hit, he was like, "Oh, wow, I have 40 gallons of propane gas in my trunk, it's a good thing we didn't explode," and I was like, "You're superlame for attempting a really inappropriate joke with such an OBVIOUSLY tender and delicate/perhaps unstable stranger you're with." Yeah, turns out he wasn't joking. He showed me the propane. So I guess I almost exploded today, too.

And these are the reasons today sucks.

7 comments:

Kara said...

I'm super glad you didn't explode!

satisfiction said...

Jebus, I'm glad you didn't explode too. And, well, I've always said the bugf*** crazy cats are the best.

Shannon said...

Glad you didn't explode. That's scary. Hope the cats simmer down and things get back to normal soon!

Jackie said...

Ah! Are you okay - CALL me. xoxo

britnielynn said...

Boo for bad Mondays huh!
We should have hooked up at the end of the day & celebrated its end together seeing as mine was crummy too.

yay for the fairy gods protecting you from the explosion! Geez I dont want to imagine how your cats would have retaliated against the world if you were gone!

Have a much better brighter day today friend!

Kyla said...

I'm real glad you didn't explode! As always, your sense of humor is priceless

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

Holy crap! Count me in with the "glad-you-didn't-explode" folks. Yeesh.

Marste