Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Eggnog, a Liability, & Indecent Exposure

I wasn’t going to blog today, figuring I’d have a dump-load ‘o stuff to say on Thursday, after some lame things I’ve got going on, (one word: LIABILITY) but well, I thought – why not? Why not let people be sickly fascinated with how much my life blows right now? I know I am!

I mean, so first, the car accident. The near-death experience by propane explosion. Wow.

Then my face. It’s really sad and sore. I have massive hives/eczema around my eyes and cheeks, and my face is all swollen and creepy looking and it itches and burns. Seriously. Because I couldn’t stop crying yesterday, AT ANY POINT, the tears were, like, BURNING my face. Tears of fire, I say. And tears of hollowness. Annnywaaaay, I lost my Rx cream for face suckage in the move, but begged my doc to call some more in to the pharmacy, so my eyes (and everybody else’s eyes when they are forced to behold me) will be feeling better in no time at all.

I also am going to let ya’ll be privy to the fact I have massive iarrheaday. It’s from the stress. I whole-heartedly blame my T. More to come on Thursday.

Work’s been busy today. There’s good busy, and then there’s so busy I’m running around like an awkward one-legged chicken with its head cut off. I mean, not only am I missing a head, but a leg too. And the only way that situaish could be worse is if the chicken blew up. Say, in a propane explosion. These things happen. Stay tuned.

You know what’s a really awkward word? EGGNOG. I feel really creepy when I say it or think about it. Ruminate a minute, and you’ll feel the same, I promise. eggnogeggnogeggnog

Why does life have to be all sunny skies or a giant suck storm? Why can’t one bad thing just like happen once a week, in a nice, spaced apart manner? Why does The World hate me? Why am I being Karmically bludgeoned? Why does all this make me want to rip off my clothes, nay, rent my clothes (read the Bible!) and run around the streets telling everybody that I’m almost as hot as Sarah Palin? Why?

Whinewailweep. I’m seeing Orville Redenbacher, the pdoc, tomorrow. Can you tell I’m in major need of a med adjustment? UNNNNSTAAAABLE!!! Also, EGGNOG.
I don’t know?

J, get ready. I need an attorney for a future arrest for indecent exposure. And if you’re lucky, there will be pics involved. But don’t worry; I’ll be wearing a Sarah Palin mask.
Note to self: sew said mask.

EGGNOG

10 comments:

Krista said...

Wow such an ironic thing happened last night. I was looking at the pics on your myspace and there is a picture of you in glasses that I thought looked like Sara Palin. Well more so Tina Fey posing as Sarah Palin. You are much cuter by the way. You should add in a side by side shot of you.

Krista said...

It's the one under my photos that says "I liiiiike my new glasses" However it doesn't have the same resemblence that I thought it did last night. I was on meds ok!

H said...

Maybe I'm dirty, but I think I like the word EggNog. : )

I hope your sucky day is over with.

Craps to us all.

Lisa said...

Oh good lord, I just read the entry about the propane trucker and nearly crapped my own pants. Our house is heated by propane and I've never been fully comfortable.

Hope things get better soon.

takeupyourbedandwalk said...

Well, I'm super-sorry that you're having rough times, but honestly, I'm glad you're having ENTERTAINING rough times. Seriously, a Sarah Palin mask? Super-entertaining. ;)

What, too cold-hearted? Hm. I'll have to talk to my mom about that; she's the one who always used to tell me that my drama was so entertaining. Yeah. She was compassionate like that.

Marste

tawny said...

I thought you looked hot at the BK today!! Seriously. Ummmm..but when do you not?!

BTW, had fun at the TJ'ers...LOVE the ring. I bought $100 worth of bathroom towels..oopsies! oh well. I blame it on the cold weather! Cya soon chickano!

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Jackie said...

I've got your back B. Indecent exposure or worse, I will be there so I just say go for it, in all your unstable eggnogness glory!!!

xoxo (if I ever decide to become a writer, you better have my back!)

T.S.T. said...

'Eggnog' is right up at the top of my own list . . . right along with 'moist.' If someone asked me if I'd like a glass of "moist eggnog" I would feel creepy beyond words, yet I'm not sure why exactly.

Brooke said...

Whowww! Slow down! Take a deep breath....you do sound a little stressed. I know this was a few days ago so I hope there has been an improvement with this wackiness and EGGNOG. BTW that's why I don't eat eggs.Oh yeah, and that fear factor episode.