Wednesday, November 12, 2008

So, You're Stuck in a Bomb Shelter...

Picture this:

You hear explosions and whammos and crashes and shakes oh my. You run into your bomb shelter custom made by this season's winner of Top Design. You seal the door just in time as a cataclysmic whoosh bang shatter takes out the greater population of the world. You take in your surroundings around you, and realize you'll probably be in here until you die, or at least until next season's American Idol airs.

But alas! You are faced with quite the conundrum! What to eat? A little food fairy comes to you in your PTSD-riddled sleep, and tells you that until the end of Time, you will only be able to live off of ONE food while despairing away in your shelter. But the bonus? YOU get to choose it! Now, keep in mind the food fairy tells you, that this food must be non-perishable - or at least if it is, won't smell bad or kill you if you partake of it. So you get a deliberatin'.

You think and think and think some more. Perhaps an explosion of rich chocolate and peanut butter? Hmmm...you've already witnesses a pretty traumatizing explosion. You move on. What about canned spaghetti and meatballs? Um. That'll have to be a big N to the O on that one. What if you don't have power and have to eat it out of the can COLD? Nah. Death by radiation melting your eyeballs and privates would be better than that. OOh! I got it! Canned peaches! YESSSS. Wait. No. Pretty sure I wasn't birthed by pilgrims.

And then, folks, after TWO DAYS of ruminating on this question, it came upon me:

TRAIL MIX

Yes, trail mix.

Why, you ask? Because you get a mix of the sweet AND the salty. You can think, I'm getting pretty damn sick of nuts. I'm just going to pick out the M&M's today. Or, you can think, peanuts just aren't hittin' my spot right now. I think I'll just go with the cashews, because they taste COMPLETELY different. And also, if I were to get especially desperate and felt like I might be dying of scurvy, I could gag down the raisins. I get fat, (pun absolutely intended) protein, and I'm sure some other stuff too. Plus, I get the added bonus of not even having to use a can opener to open anything, because what if it rusts in like year 37 of hiding or breaks a nail? See? This slut be thinkin' ahead.

So, answer this question and leave it in my comments please. I need to know, for I've realized that I can peer into the deep crevasses of your soul by your answer. So answer truthfully.

But also wisely.

Also, who thinks that crevasses, when spelled, looks really awkward and dirty?

21 comments:

Jackie said...

God this will sound awful and will surely reflect horrendously on my soul, but have to go with...an assortment of flavored....GUM. Because if the rumors are true...it stays in your system for at least 7 years. So why not swall the whole damn thousands of sticks of gum, let 'em fester in my stomach and call it good? Then I can just sleep and dream in my bunker and not have to worry about such a pesky thing such as food? :) I know, I am a horrible, shallow human being. Please don't let this be the first comment, please.

Jackie said...

Oh great it was the first comment...and it is full of typos. Yay for me!!! :(

kristin said...

I don't know what I would choose. I think maybe pickles, cheezits, or dried apples. Probably dried apples would be the best choice, though pickles are a close second. I loooove pickles.. Maybe pickles.. Such a difficult question! I'd probably go with dried apples. Or maybe canned peaches or pears. I'm not sure! So many choices!! Canned pears. That's my final answer. ..I think.

Crevasses totally looks awkward and dirty! ;)

Take care, Brie!

love, kristin

Zena said...

ummmm I think I would go with applesauce..the pink kind that has strawberry flavoring or maybe well chocolate, no how bout cheese and crackers the kind in the packages, no I guess I would go with the applesauce...its a healthier choice, but the chocolate would most likely taste the best..but I would get sick of it pretty fast, so I guess apple sauce it is!

and yes crevasses totally looks like a dirty word... :)

love, Zena

jana bananas said...

I'd have to say...chocolate. What does that tell you about my soul?

Kyla said...

dried fruit. oh, would that give me the runs? Umm. Trail mix is a good one, I'll tell you. But, ummmm. yeah. I'll have to go with the dried fruit. yes, crevasses looks dirty, ya sicko.

Jackie said...

Can I change my answer to Diet Coke? Because you know what? I wouldn't want to LIVE in a bomb shelter. So in my last days on earth, I would want to die in peace, gulping an ice cold diet coke. That is my final answer - screw the gum.

And P.S. I love crevaasses.

H said...

Snickers bars, hands down. No need for reflection. They've got all one would need (nutritionally) to get by each day, and they're yummy too!

Devon said...

So I might not be thinking this through too well...but I'd go with Kneaders french toast-it is bottomless after all. Plus, if you need a break from the delicious sugary goodness, you can always munch on the strawberries for awhile.

The end. Let's go soon

Krista said...

When I first started reading this post I was like WTF? Where is she going with this. Then I actually google searched the best survival food. You peaked my interest. I once heard that one could survive on potatoes. Actually my husband told me that one. He tired running away when he was like ten with only a backpack full of potatoes.

Oh and by the way all you previous commenters are going to die. Here is the best food for survival.

"One of the best survival foods that has been respected for hundreds of years is pemmican. This proven mixture of dried meat, fruits and berries, and fats has been the standard fare for many successful expeditions in the most adverse conditions on earth. Men have thrived for months eating pemmican as their only sustenance."

So all that being said, my food of choice is Diet Dr. Pepper. I agree with Jackie!

Penny said...

Can you obtain home made fresh and hot from the oven bread with real butter and raspberry jam with little seeds in it in your shelter? Cause if you can I could live there forever just eatin or smellin the bread! I cannot comment on your naughty word as it is toooo naughty

Melisa said...

Diet Coke baby! Can't live with it...can't live without it:) Love your blog. Keep posting....love to hear your thoughts.

racher said...

chips n really hot salsa and dr. pepper

Sarah said...

you know, I'm going to vote for the trail mix. my actual first choice would be cheeseburgers. but I'm choosing trail mix. Your reasoning is powerful, woman!!

brie said...

krista, what the hell is pemmican?

also, i love that your hubby tried to run away with a backpack full of potatoes! why do i simultaneously think that is the saddest and funnest thing i've ever heard?!

emily said...

I think pemmican is the Native American version (look at me being all pc AND remembering something I learned in 4th grade) of trail mix. Think deer or buffalo jerky, dried berries and nuts. They use to eat it in the winter, on long journeys, blah, blah, Mrs. Zito had skin cancer like 4 times. Blue Utah studies book, blah diddy dah.

Now that the native peeps are not doing so hot, it is a food that hippie-types buy at whole foods and pretend they like.

You are a genius, trail mix is perfect. I think I would hedge my bets, though by not building a shelter and letting the blast get me.

Maybe.

I dunno.

brie said...

emily, really? you really knew what pemmican is? wow. you really went there. :)

also, didn't mrs. zito have lung cancer like 4 times? what was with the raspy voice? or was that because of 2nd hand smoke? or was that 1st hand smoke but she TOLD us it was 2nd hand smoke se we wouldn't want to start smoking like our 4th grade teacher? also, of course our social studies book was blue. right? i mean, they're ALWAYS some version of red white and blue because we're american. or something. except in 7th grade mr mouseley's utah history class wasn't the book brown and yellow? or am i just bitter because our state mascot is a beehive? do state's have mascots?

whatever. it was lung cancer.

britnielynn said...

After using way to much brain power this am to come up with a great answer.....

The debate is over! yay

I would definitly do snickers.YUP!

You see im allergic to chocolate & seeing as i dont get to eat the tasty treat much unless i want to spend the day in the closet dying over a migrane its a no no.
Seeing as i would be in someplace dark, quiet, & propably little cold I would eat lots of snickers.
Eat & sleep.. definitly the way i want to go! :)

Great question Brie

& yes.. the more i look at crevasses... im wondering if an alien left that word with someone after doing dirty things.

britnielynn said...

After using way to much brain power this am to come up with a great answer.....

The debate is over! yay

I would definitly do snickers.YUP!

You see im allergic to chocolate & seeing as i dont get to eat the tasty treat much unless i want to spend the day in the closet dying over a migrane its a no no.
Seeing as i would be in someplace dark, quiet, & propably little cold I would eat lots of snickers.
Eat & sleep.. definitly the way i want to go! :)

Great question Brie

& yes.. the more i look at crevasses... im wondering if an alien left that word with someone after doing dirty things.

Jenn said...

I would certainly choose Clif Bars. Chocolate brownie flavor. You have your protein, your carbs, your fat, and your chocolate. WHAT MORE COULD A PERSON WANT!?!?!

Keely said...

It would depend if there was water in my shelter... I would choose sandwiches (meat cheese, lettuce, tomato, bread) and if there was no water I would take soup. Hey-who am I kidding? I don't live in a bomb shelter and all I eat are sandwiches and soup.... But considering the perishable factor, I would have to go with canned soup. Trail mix if there was water. (I'm such a dork! "if there was water...") ha ha!