Thursday, November 20, 2008

Cliffs and Contracts

Its quiz time, folks.

If you saw a man hanging from the edge of a cliff who was exhausted from the exertion of hanging on for dear life, and there were sharp rocks and sharks and Bin Laden at the bottom waiting for him and he would surely die if he fell, would you

a) Upon seeing him, ask him if his fingers were killing him from holding on for so long, take a phone call, and then help him away from the ledge
b) Tell him you’ll save him for ONE MILLION DOLLARS, and if he agrees, save him
c) Tell him to suck it and walk away
d) First take his ONE MILLION DOLLARS - and his watch - then walk away
e) Rush to him and save him pronto – ooh, and then notify the FBI and CIA you have found Bin Laden

I’d choose b. I think. Haha

ANNNNNYWAAAAY, I ask you this because I was actually asked this question earlier today in my sesh with the T. Basically, guys, my treatment team has put me under a contract. A contract is a sucky thing that makes you feel stupid and expendable and passive-aggressive. I have to do a number of things, and if I fail to comply, I’m fired. My T and my D said they had decided this needed to happen because I was a LIABILITY. They may as well as called me a leper; it for suresies hurt my feelings. They said that if I get really sick or something bad happens or if I DIE then they could get in trouble because I saw them for this long and basically did nothing to save me blahblahblahsies.

Anyway, so let me explain the question above so you don’t keep thinking WTF Brie that was like the most random thing ever! M said that I’m hanging from the edge of a cliff. She said she knows that there are a lot of sucktastic things going on in my life that I could use help processing and dealing with, but she said that there’s no sense in talking about them when I’m hanging on for dear life, she said that first she needs to rush to save me, and once I was on stable ground and my injuries were taken care of, then we could shoot the breeze. Made sense. Sucks, but makes sense.

I still think I’m kinda-sorta just fine, and I still find it ludicrous that everyone thinks I need to be hospitalized, but I HAVE to do this, because the alternatives are just not an option. I’m ready to do this, guys. Rah Rah Rah! Who’s the coolest of them all? It’s Brie! It’s Brie! (That’s me being a cheerleader for myself. I need cheer. Anyone else wanna join the squad? I’m holding auditions.)

The contract stipulations will include, but are not limited to
1) Using the tube nightly
2) Following the meal plan my D gives me
3) Gaining weight or else I’ll get blue-slipped and forced into the hospital
4) Having a nervous breakdown due to the stress of the aforementioned regulations

Yes, 'tis true. My T said that she was really close to blue-slipping me, but she’d give me a week to gain at least one pound. If you don’t know what blue-slipping means, you can Google it cuz I don’t want to ‘splain it. (And then once you know, you can weep on my behalf.)

Well, I better gosies. I have an appt with the radiology appt to get my intestines raped with a tube. Fun town!


Jackie said...

B I know this sucks but maybe it is the kick in the butt you need. And let me just say this is not a reflection of YOUR effort because you have done everything - I just don't think your body can handle everything right now. So the tube, meal plan, etc. is needed to "jump start" your body (sorry about the cliche). I think the stress and anxiety of everything going on in your life is making it impossible for you to eat enough.

I am totally trying out for captain of your cheerleading squad - I did do gymnastics for years after all. Can I be the captain?! Because I am rooting for you and KNOW you can do this!!!

And P.S. I think you are HOT with your tube. I can't wait for JB to see you sugar tits!!!


Penny said...

For hangin onto or off of a cliff, your skinny facae looks quite pretty and I like the eye liner too. Your anaylsis and your treatment team seems dead on(pun intended). So hop right to it, do it, and You might, but I know your body will, thank you for nutrition it needs to grow. Clare gets to select growing foods or snack foods at certain times in the day but the growing foods are always first and so it should be with you. So as a cheerleader lets hear Grow Grow Grow not blah blah blahhhhh......
You know that I love you my dear and cheer you on

tawny said...

Alright girl...this is what I think: Gain a lil' bit of weight so you can (IN THE FUTURE) have a beautiful, bouncy, baby girl named B! (i won't give away your awesome name cuz you would kill me.)
Your body NEEDS nutrition and some meat on it. Remember..all this advice is out of good sisterly love!! Hang in there.

Standing in the Rain said...

hope your intestines didn't much mind the radiology rape-y today. suck-tastic, as you would say!

hang in their brie-ster

Devon said...

Since I'm certified to teach cheerleading to 3 year olds, it means I can be your personal cheerleader too.

Just let me know when you need me and I'll come a pom-poming.

Love you darling - I know you can do it.

Kara said...

Rah, rah, rah go Brie! I know you have it in you to do this, you just have to search inside and find it. I'm rooting for you!

Kara said...

Rah, rah, rah go Brie! I know you have it in you to do this, you just have to search inside and find it. I'm rooting for you!

kristin said...

Brie, I'm so sorry! I'm rooting for you really, really, really, really hard! I know you can do it!

Take care of yourself. Love you!

love, kristin

Laur said...

honey, i don't know what blue slippin means so i might google it. I miss you and love you. I am your cheerleader for shizzle

Kyla said...

rah rah rah! determination is the key! rah rah! B-R-I-E! I'm sorry life's sucktastic, but I second what Jackie said - you have done everything you can, and maybe you need this hand up.

H said...

Sorry you're in such a sucky mess, but I think your "team" is right and b/c I luv your guts I'm glad they've finally taken some more direct "action" with you. It makes me sad that it's come to this, but I cheer them along, as well as I cheer you along. It's not easy on anyone. I've actually been blue-slipped. Several years ago when I first moved to WA. My first several months were spent in a hospital....I never even got to go out and see where I had just moved to. Sucked big time, but it saved my life. It may sound creepy, scary, and not so nicey, but often times we just have to submit, no matter how hard we want to fight for the ED. You can do this.

love ya loads,

Savannah said...

Yay Brie! I'm may be the world's worst cheerleader. I'm very uncoordinated, but I will attempt this strange skill just for you :) You know I believe in you and always will! I love you and don't give got this one in the bag my fav. banana!


Krystle said...

Oh boy, I've been there. In Mass, it's called being "pink slipped" but samesies. Hang in there. Contracts blow, but I want you to get better. Everyone does. We deserve more than this sucktastic ed. I know what they mean about "hanging on for dear life." I am there right now...and it is frightening to fall so far so fast, but the good thing is that we are not alone. We are fortunate to have people who would save us for less than a million big ones. *rah rah, goooooooooo Brie!* :)

Morgan said...

I totally understand. I have been given the same ultimatum. I actually had to sign a sheet a paper with six things on them and one of them was going IP for a loooong time. I also had to sign a waiver if I died that it was not my T's or Doctor's fault- seriously if that doesn't totally suck?
I understand completely and I know that you can this, I pulled it out and you can too- rah rah!

brie said...

thanks for all your comments and loves you guys. :) it looks like i'm getting a squad assembled, which pleases me. :) i am now officially a tube-face again, and will be for a loooong, looooong, time. Boo!

Sarah said...

Hey there darlin, I want to be on the squad too. And since I'm declaring this a cheerocracy you best be following that contract babycakes.

Sometimes admitting we are powerless is the most powerful thing we can do.

Love you.

Emily said...

You can do it, Brie! Sorry I haven't been commenting as much, but I do read all your posts.

Brooke said...

I'm googling blue slip and then I'll getback to you. In the mean-time gain a pound or two!! he, he..ok that was not funny, I agree.

jana bananas said...

I couldn't find what you're referring to about blue-slipping on Google. Or the Wikipedia!! But I will trust you that it exists.