Thursday, June 21, 2012

Goodbye for the Weekend, and Breaking my Silence

I am headed off in the morning to go to a family reunion in Moab.  While it's going to be insanely beautiful and hella fun, it is ALSO supposed to be the hottest weekend of the year there - we're talking 105ish - and I am NOT looking forward to that!  Especially with two little kiddos I have to keep hydrated and un-sunburned.  But we'll pack lots of water and sunblock and hopefully make it okay.

I will of course post pictures of the adventure when I get back, and I hope you all have a great weekend.  I wanted to say goodbye to you all.

Hope you are well.  I am okay - just okay.  Not great, but I could totally be worse, so I suppose I should be grateful for that.  When things get tough for me, I get quiet.  On my blog, in real life with Brandon and family, and with friends, too.  That should be my first warning sign in the future, when things are getting a little rocky - I shut up.  I just smile and stop talking.

Well, tonight in group, I wasn't talking.  I knew I needed to talk, but I couldn't articulate what to say or how to say it.  But eventually...the tears started pouring and the words started coming and I talked and talked and cried and cried and nearly had a panic attack - but in a good way - and now I feel so much better.  It has been easier to eat tonight than it's been in weeks. 

I finally feel at peace.

So, this is me, breaking my silence.  It keeps me too sick.  I need to speak.  I need to be heard.  I hope you'll listen.

12 comments:

Frustrated Unemployed Actress said...

Of course we will. :)

Maeve said...

We will always listen! If you ever doubt it just look at the hundreds of emails you got from people who wanted to keep reading after you went private. Blogxygen is fantastic because everything you have to say is worth listening to.

I hope that you have a great weekend and manage to avoid sunburn and dehydration :)

Lou said...

So glad you could it out. Hope u can keep cool over the weekend :-)

Colleen said...

Sometimes the biggest relief comes pouring out in the form of a mess of tears, snot, and sobs... it happens to us all.

Losing my desire to actually participate in life around me is a big part of my ed, so i can kinda understand what you mean by "get quiet".... but as Maeve pointed out - rest assured, by the sheer number of blog requests you've had.... we're here to listen and support and empathize, and we want to listen.

Tabatha Bourdel said...

Of course we're listening to you, we are your number one fans!

Have a great time with your lovely family!

Liz said...

I'd love to listen anytime. Have a great trip.

Arielle Bair (Becker) said...

Definitely listening. Just wanted to give you a quick virtual hug too. I lead a group and have for 4 years - so I also wanted to say how proud of you (in a totally non-condescending way) for speaking up, how happy I am that you felt supported, and how relieved I am that you feel better now. I know that group doesn't heal all and that there is always work to be done, but I am a huge proponent of group and have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears how beneficial it can be. I feel better knowing you feel more at peace. I hope you have a great family reunion. :-) For what it's worth, I'm thinking of ya.

Stephanie said...

Im all ears Twin!

alriggells said...

I am glad you went to group. I am glad you are feeling better. I am glad you did what you needed to do for you even it was super de duper uncomfy.

ania said...

Dear Brie,

I feel that I'll understate anything I want to say. So I'll just stick to this: I hope that you will continue to speak or cry when you have need. I hope that you will continue to discover that there are trustworthy people who can support you and value your tears and whatever you share.

I hope you had a great weekend, and that no one was sick!

Sia Jane said...

Just to say, it is silence that everyone always says is my biggest give away <3

bri said...

I love u Brie Brie and wish we lived closer so i could come over and chat with u. Im always here for you and i am proud of u. Its easy to shut down and be silent when ur struggling and thats eds way of keeping us entrenched. Good for u for fighting that and speaking out and expressing ur feelings! Im proud of u!!