New Blog

I really want you guys to check out this new blog -->HERE<--

In our little blogger ED community, we need more professionals who blog about eating disorder treatment and recovery.  This blog is being started by a therapist that I know and have had a little interaction with, and she's totally awesome.  I think a therapist who specializes in eating disorders and who is blogging about eating disorders is going to give us all a really unique perspective.

So, check it out!

A General Update

Why hello, gentle readers.

How goes things in the blogosphere?  I have been so busy that I am a little behind on the happenings of Blog Land.  So, here's an update:

The house stuff is coming along and fabulous - but I am obviously going to do a separate post for that, (hopefully tomorrow) so I'll leave things at that.  But it is taking up a lot of brain time and we are going to get ready to start packing some stuff up in the next week or two.

Photo - enjoying some ice cream...

Work stuff is great.  I love it because no two shifts are ever the same!  Sometimes the girls are aggravating and annoying, (let's just be honest here) but most of the time they are really beautiful and awesome.  It's weird to think that I used to be in their place...sitting in a treatment center, sad and confused and hopeless.  I'm on the other side now.  I get to tell them that they can do it.  Because if I can, then anyone can.  I'm proof that recovery (from whatever bad behavior or addiction) is possible.  Seeing these girls change and make progress gives me hope for me, too.  This is so cheesy, but I seriously just think change is a beautiful thing.  I'm so lucky that I've changed for the better, and I love being able to go to work every day and see these girls blossom and change.  That is -- when they're not cussing me out or punching walls.  ;)

Loving our summer so far.  We are spending lots of time at parks and the pool.  Cade is coming out of his shell more and more every day, and I love watching him just transform into this really cool little boy.  Mila is loving the pool and spending time outside.  Won't say much more about her now, because I owe you all an 11 month update on her - which I'll get to soon, I swearsies.

Photo - Miss Mila is FLYING at the BBQ we went to with friends tonight. 

Recovery stuff is going better, but it is still a challenge.  I've decided I HATE three things:  denial, complacency, and justification.  Because those three things hang me up EVERY FREAKING DAY and get in the way of me really pursuing weight gain.  It is a struggle but I am doing it, even if it's a little slowly.  I will admit that I am really not that thrilled to be gaining weight, so having the motivation to eat a lot A LOT every day sucks.  My motivation seems to wax and wan, and that is what is getting me in trouble.  But I am making progress, and more freaking importantly, I refuse like hell to give up.  So I WILL get there!

Just a Day, Just an Ordinary Day

Yesterday was fabulous, with the kids.  I took them to the park and Mila made it her mission to be hell-bent on stealing my Diet Coke and drinking it - that child never gives up - and I was able to spend time with Cade, pushing him on the swing and playing his version of "basketball."  It wasn't much, but it was.  Does that make sense?

I needed this time with my kiddos to get a sense of perspective again, to figure out what's really important and what really matters.  To some, having to drag two kids to the park would have been hot and miserable and boring, but I loved every minute of it.  Being a mom makes me feel whole and important and real and there. 

What I weigh doesn't matter, what size jeans I'm wearing doesn't freaking matter.  My kids could care less if I gained or lost some weight, they just want a mama who is present and happy and healthy.  It's amazing how just some time with my kids could remind me of that.

I needed it.

Moab 2012

Moab was so much fun!  It was insanely hot, that is my biggest complaint - even at 10:30 pm, when we were in our car, the thermostat said it was 92 degrees.  Sick.

So, I took lots of pictures.  I'll let them do most of the talking, and comment here or there about what happened throughout:

At our first stop, a ghost town.  They had some pretty cool buildings and a really old rusted out car that the kids loved to play in.  Cade proclaimed that ALL ghosts live here, EVEN the Holy Ghost.  ;)

Some of the kids...

Notice Cade is in his Official Explorer Outfit...so cute...

Poor Bretty had to eat this nasty gluten-free salad.  All he wanted was carbs...

The next day we hiked a slot canyon.  It was soooo cool!

We tried really hard to keep sunblock on the kids and keep them as hydrated as possible.  We actually didn't pack enough water, and by the end of the trip, Brandon and I weren't drinking any water, to make sure the kids had enough.  When we got to the car and I popped open that cold can of Diet Coke...hoo boy the best I've ever tasted!

It got really narrow at times...

There were some big rocks and obstacles to get through, and with Mila, it kind of made it tough.

I'm feeling awkward.

Cade with some of his cousins...

All of the grandkids.  Cade and Mila are in there somewhere...

 Some sisters and sis-in-laws. 

Cooling down in the pool after our hot hike...

Bath time in the hotel...

Capering around the hotel...

In the back of the hotel; Cade was practicing his cartwheels.

Clearly she takes after her mother.  :)

Cute family pic.  Cade is flashing gang signs, I'm not wearing any makeup, and Brandon is sunburned.  :)  We'll tae what we can get!

And, randomly, bending over.  :)

We had so much fun.  Thanks Mom and Dad for the awesome trip.  I loved spending time with all my sibs, especially the ones who live in different states that I don't get to see all that often.  Wub all of you!

Goodbye for the Weekend, and Breaking my Silence

I am headed off in the morning to go to a family reunion in Moab.  While it's going to be insanely beautiful and hella fun, it is ALSO supposed to be the hottest weekend of the year there - we're talking 105ish - and I am NOT looking forward to that!  Especially with two little kiddos I have to keep hydrated and un-sunburned.  But we'll pack lots of water and sunblock and hopefully make it okay.

I will of course post pictures of the adventure when I get back, and I hope you all have a great weekend.  I wanted to say goodbye to you all.

Hope you are well.  I am okay - just okay.  Not great, but I could totally be worse, so I suppose I should be grateful for that.  When things get tough for me, I get quiet.  On my blog, in real life with Brandon and family, and with friends, too.  That should be my first warning sign in the future, when things are getting a little rocky - I shut up.  I just smile and stop talking.

Well, tonight in group, I wasn't talking.  I knew I needed to talk, but I couldn't articulate what to say or how to say it.  But eventually...the tears started pouring and the words started coming and I talked and talked and cried and cried and nearly had a panic attack - but in a good way - and now I feel so much better.  It has been easier to eat tonight than it's been in weeks. 

I finally feel at peace.

So, this is me, breaking my silence.  It keeps me too sick.  I need to speak.  I need to be heard.  I hope you'll listen.

New House Adventure Week 17

Hello friend lovers!

This week has been very exciting regarding our house adventure.  They have done so much, and looking at the house tonight totally got me all excited.  All of the little details are starting to go in, and it's making me supah excited to see the finished product.

This week they finished the stucco, though they haven't painted it.  They started the stone work on the outside of the house, they started painting the interior, started putting on base boards, put up the board and batten in the living room and mudroom, finished the window seat and shelving around it, (my favorite part of the house!) and did shelving in all the closets and pantries.

Have a look!

What the house looks like on the outside so far.  The stucco goes on really dark, but they're going to repaint it to a lighter color.  You can also see they started the stone work...

A closer view of the stucco.  Sowwy I look so rough around the edges - kind of a long day!

A closer view of the front of the house and the stones.  So, I told them I wanted our stones to look really rough and uneven.  EVERY other house in our community has really nice and neat and orderly looking stones.  All of those people are OCD!  I LOVE how they look uneven and rough and dirty.  Heh.

The board and batten in the living room.  Obviously they haven't painted the whole wall yet, so it's kind of hard to tell how fa-reaking cool it's going to look.

Cade posin' in the pantry.

Brandon displaying the board and batten and cubby holes in the mud room.

My FAVORITE part of the house!  The window and shelving and love seat nestled in our stairs.  This adds all the personality to our house, and was seriously one of the major selling points to me when we picked this floor plan.  I am so excited to walk past here every day and see the kitties nestled by the window and all my favorite books and pictures on the shelves.  :)

A view of our master closet...bad camera-woman here cut off Bran.  Sorry lover!  :/

A view of Mila's closet with the crown molding around the door.  It's actually really spacious for an almost one year old!

Another view of the board and batten.

One last picture before we go, looking "super tough," as Cade insisted we pose!

So, lots of exciting stuff.  We are still hoping to move in by the end of next month...so to say that I'm moving NEXT MONTH tickles me to no end!  I am happy with how well this house stuff is turning out and with how beautiful it is.  :)

Why I've Been Away

Hello chickies,

This will be brief - I am leaving in a few minutes for some training for work.

I still have not invited even half the people to Blogxygen that will eventually probably be readers.  I am so insanely behind on blog reading and posting and all that jazz.  With my job, I had originally planned on only working 2ish times/week, but so far I have been working much more than that.  Not sure, exactly, which direction I want to go, and if I want to continue to work that much, but suffice it to say, it has kind of been taking all my energy.

I am working at a residential treatment center for adolescent girls with behavior problems/addictions.  While I love it, and the job is extremely rewarding at times, it is also phyiscally taxing and emotionally draining - a far cry from my cubicle job at Healthcare Company where it didn't take much out of me, physically or emotionally.  And while I really like my job, it is not very easy.

So I am trying to adjust to that, I think.  Trying to balance the job vs. having enough physical and mental stamina to come home to my kids and be a good mommy and wife.  It's a balancing act that I am trying to figure out, and in the meantime, my blog has kind of been on the back burner.

So that's why I haven't been around.  I hope to get more invites sent out this week before I leave town for the weekend, and hopefully then I can start blogging more regularly.

Hope you are all well.  So happy you are here, and reading.  And thanks for being patient with me while Blogxygen has kind of sucked.  It won't much longer, I promise!

Flustered!

Holy insane I am busy.  With starting my new job, I have had zero time to blog and get everyone invited.  I had hundreds  requests to read my blog, and I've only invited, so far, like 10 people to read!  I am a major slacker, but when I'm not working, I'm either going to treatment appointments, or I'm spending time with my kids!  So, I'm sorry to everyone who is waiting for Blogxygen to breathe again, and is getting nothin.  I will get my head on straight soon, I am just a little flustered!

In other news, I LOVE my new job.  It is so different from anything I've ever done, but I love it!  I think it is the first real job I've ever had where the time goes by rather quickly while there, and I don't dread my shift.  Yay!

Anyway, hope you are all well.  Hopefully within about a week or so, I'll have everyone invited and I'll start doing real, regular posts.

Love you all, kittens!

Announcement

Blogxygen is going private TOMORROW. 

A few things regarding this:

I have recieved HUNDREDS of requests to read my blog, once private.  It is going to take me several days to go through all the requests and get the invites sent out to you guys.  SO, if you happen to notice Blogxygen is private, but haven't yet recieved an invite to read, please do not freak out!  It just means I am busy and doing my best to sort through everyone; I anticipate that this will take me 5-7 days.  So, please, be patient!  You will get your invite within the next week.

I look forward to going private because I think it is going to help me feel more liberated with my writing.  I am happy I will feel safer, and that Cade and Mila and Brandon will have a little more privacy, as well.

This isn't a bad thing - it's actually going to work out very, very well.  So, this'll be my last post as a public blog.  Maybe my first post as a private blog will be full of juicy secrets, hee hee.  Who knows?

Love you all, hope to see you on the other side.

And if you had no idea Blogxygen was going private, and want an invite, read the information

-->HERE<--

New House Adventure Week 15

We went and saw the house today, and got a surprise - they've completely finished throwing up the sheet-rock!  We were so excited because the house is really starting to look like an actual house, instead of like a rough skeleton of what you think it'll look like, (but aren't sure!) now it looks really real and it's easier to imagine where we'll put things and what the finished product will look like.  They also installed the doors and started the hardy back on the outside of the house (I'll point out what it is, in the pictures).  They've put scaffolding all around our house, so we anticipate they are about to start putting on the stucco.

Really a great week for us on this adventure, as so much happened.  We are so excited!

Here are some pics:

First  view as we're driving up...

The light blue stuff on the front of the house (they kind of look like shingles) is the hardy back.  This is not the final color they'll be, as soon as it's completed.

First view as I walked through the front door...

Daddy is so excited they did so much work!

 Standing in the dining room area, looking at the family room...

Um, I think our garage needs to be BIGGER? ;)

Standing in the loft.  We're still not 100% sure what we're even going to do with it!

A view of our master bedroom...it's sooooo big...

Cade standing in his room...

We wanted to get a pic of Mila in her room, but she WAS.NOT.HAVING.IT.  Wahaha love the little frown on her face!

This is as "finished" as our basement is gonna be for a couple years...

The crawl-space!  Cade is especially in love with this feature, as long as there are no sneaky crickets, he says, waiting to scare him.  :)

They started our columns - but once again, this is not their final color...

This picture kind of gives you a view of how big our lot is - it's not quite as big (obviously) as you see going allllll the way back, but it goes back even further from where Cade is standing - it's a HUGE chunk of land, and I love it.  I'm terrified of the up-keep, but it'll be worth it!

A view of the scaffolding on the back of the house...

Brandon and his man-door.  He is insanely proud of this thing, hence the macho pose.  No girls allowed in this picture, he proclaimed!

A front view of the house with the hardy back and the scaffolding and the trim that they started...

Love this picture of Mila touching my face in front of the house.  So cute.  :)

REMINDER:  Blogxygen is going PRIVATE!!!  Read all about it -->HERE<-- and get your requests to me at blogxygen@yahoo.com ASAP!