RIP at the Zoo

PaddyCake died at the zoo today.  I was using her frequently to snap pictures of us, as I finally put on my good mothering pants and decided to take the kiddos out to do something fun today.  And PaddyCake, that perfect, beautiful iPad, she slipped from my diaper bag and fell to the pavement.  When I rushed to her and picked her up, she was cracked.  In 4 different places.

Photo - My name is Cade and my eyes are closed.  Even though Mom told me repeatedly to smile big and keep my eyes open.  Woops!

Cade wanted to be in the picture too.  :)

Poor creature.  Poor, poor baby.  Poor, poor iPad.

She still worked, but she was banged up bad.  Fortunately Brandon bought the protection plan when he procured PaddyCake, so we went to the store tonight and got a new one.  I was seriously like MOURNING her, though.  As I was carrying my new baby out of the store, I seriously kept looking wistfully behind me at PaddyCake lying discarded on the counter.  We had some good times together, and I am going to miss her!

Photo - We had to stop and have a snack before seeing the giraffes, because eating is VERY important, and Miss Mila let us know she wouldn't roll another foot until she got some food in her belly!

Fortunately, I was able to restore all of my old pictures and apps and stuff to my new iPad, so it's as if I never lost her.  My new iPad's name is Hilary Faye, by the way.  As in, "Hilary Faye, I can see your (i)Pad."  If you don't know the reference, I might not be able to like you anymore, so either google it or watch the movie "Saved," and then we can be all cool again.  :)

Photo - Eyes closed and creepy alligator has his mouth wide open - he just sat there like that for like an hour.  Weeiiiirrrrdddd.

Anyway, I think Hilary Faye and I are going to be okay.  As long as she doesn't try to commit suicide and nosedive out of my diaper bag.  I don't think I could take the death of two iPads.  So devastating!

Photo - Waitin to ride the train.  Cade was very excited for this adventure!

Anyway, we had fun at the zoo.  Whit and I took the kiddos.  It was Mila's first time at the zoo, and let me tell you, she wasn't impressed!  She loved sitting in the stroller out in the sun eating her rice puffs, but was quite indifferent about the animals.  Cade had fun, even though quite a few exhibits were closed because they're doing renovations.  It was nice though - the weather was a perfect 73 degrees.  Afterward we got lunch at McDonald's and then played at the park.

Photo - Hello from the stroller!

 Anyway, interspersed on this post are the last pictures PaddyCake took before she met her untimely demise.  Cade appears to have been closing his eyes in half of them; so typical!  Oh well though.  :)

Photo - Mila measures pretty small next to a gorilla, even a baby one!

Hope everyone is having a good day.  I will admit that today hasn't been the greatest - I really did have a great time at the zoo, but after PaddyCake commited suicide, I had a dietary sesh that was less than stellar, so that kind of bummed me out too.  (More on that tomorrow.)  But now I am sitting on the sofa, curled up under a heating blanket with Hairy purring beside me, so I figure, how can life be so terrible?  Right?

Until tomorrow!  I need to go get myself properly acquainted with Hilary Faye.  Bye baby kittens.

One of Those Days

So admittedly today has been a little rough with the kids.  I love them, but I want to kind of scream and dig a hole and hide in it just to get away from my children right this very second.  Cade has been extra whiny today and did naughty things like not take his bowl of cereal to the sink when he was through, and he also refused to eat his lunch and left it to go to waste at the table.  He threw a fit at the mall when I didn't want to buy him shark jammies, because they were ridiculously overpriced.  (I bought them anyway, by the way...though to be fair, he DID need them.  I just didn't think he needed $17 jammies.)

Mila is screechy and whiny too.  She hasn't really napped today either, which isn't helping either of us.  You moms out there, don't days like this just make you want to scream?  Where everything is just off, and nothing is going as planned?

So I was trying to get out all my frustration in a way that wasn't harmful to myself or to my children, because despite what I've articulated in this post, I really do love them, and I kind of want to keep them around.  Usually.  So to vent my frustrations in a kid-friendly way,  I started singing this song to Mila, that I made up off the top of my head:

You are driving me bonkers! bananas! loco! crazy!
to the psych ward your gonna send me!
Stop your screeching, stop your crying,
or mama's brain is gonna keep frying!
BANANAS! BONKERS! LOCO! CRAZY!

And she stopped.  She listened to me sing, and stopped that crying.
And then she grinned.
And then she smiled.
And then, that little brat, she started CACKLING.

Whatever works, right?  So glad my daughter can find some glee in this terrible, terrible moment.  I'm off to go dig a hole now.  You may find me there.

Shopping Solves Everything

Well, it's Spring Break for Cade, and we have officially celebrated by doing absolutely NOTHING.  I am a terrible mother.  The weather was so beautiful last week, but this week it's been kinda sketchy, so that rules out all the outside stuff, though tomorrow we may brave the lower temps and go to the zoo or something.  He's currently sitting under our kitchen table and sulking, probably cooking up some idea for deviant behavior, or worse, my untimely demise.  I am going crazy - he's only been out of school for two days, and I already want to poke out my eyes.  Somebody save me!

Photo - Mila's first time encountering grass.  She is not entirely convinced.

I feel like I've got cabin fever - with Cade out of school but the weather not quite nice enough to do anything, I feel stuck inside and it's driving me insane.  It makes me want to go out and spend money (spring clothes for the kids, colored capri's or skinny jeans for me) but WE HAVE NO MONEY.  Hello, we're building a house!  Get the money spending ideas out of your head!  Bad Brie.  Baaaaddddd Brie!  The last time I felt this cooped up and desperate to spend money was when I was stuck inpatient in treatment and couldn't even take a pee without someone peeking, let alone actually walk outside and get some fresh air therapy.  And, feeling ANYTHING that reminds me of inpatient treatment is just not cool, so this sucks.

....Okay, so it's been about 20 minutes since I wrote the above paragraph, and I just talked to Baby Lover Man, and we went over the budget, and there is some money right now available to go buy Mila some spring clothes.  Hooray!  Baby Gap, here I come!  Please save some beautiful floral printed summer dresses for Mila, m'kay?  Hooray!  My cabin fever blues are abating!

Allergy update: my face is doing better! I've started taking Zyrtec, and the itchiness is mostly gone - at least on my face, which is the place I was most concerned about. My arms and legs still itch and have rashes, but I'm hoping that will go away as I continue to take the Zyrtec. (Thanks Linds for the suggestion!) To all of you who commented or emailed me with ideas, thank you so much. I'm hoping the Zyrtec will be enough to get rid of this, but if not, because of you, I have lots of other things I can try! You da best, Blogxygeners!

So I'm off to shop.  :)  Shopping solves EVERYTHING.

Also, just wanted to let you all know that this Friday, Kendall would be turning two.  If you are so inclined, please remember her by releasing a white balloon, or writing love on your arm, or maybe just by keeping her in your heart.  It's going to be a little bit of an emotional day for me, and I'd love your support.  And I will try to get through it without spending truckloads of money!  ;)

Bye kittens.

The Art of Decision Making

Had an interesting convo today about decision making.  Specifically, my poor decision making skills.  I mean, don't we all have those decisions we've made in the past that when we think about, we literally cringe, scrunch up our nose, and think, WHAT ON EARTH WAS I THINKING???!!!!  And don't you HATE thinking about all those less than stellar moments?  Every time I think back on some poor decision I've made, that really pushes my Embarrassment Buttons, I frantically try to think about something, anything to distract me, because thinking about it makes me want to puke.  Do you get me?

And maybe I'm being extra hard on myself because I have an eating disorder and punish myself blah blah blah, but I don't think so.  We all had those moments where reason bee-lines out the window and you do something incredibly stupid.  And if you haven't had one of those moments, then promptly quit reading this blog and go buy yourself a tiara, because you are SOMETHING SPECIAL.  But for all the rest of you, keep reading.  :)

So, how do we get past those moments?  How do we come to terms with the stupid crap we've done without beating ourselves up too much about it, but also learning from it?  I'd say I'm a pretty sound and logical person now...but wow...it wasn't even that long ago that I just made this decision that literally couldn't have been worse, and I messed up a lot of things, and it took a long time to put the pieces back together.  Or take me as a teenager for example.  I was INSANE.  And maybe the anorexia was partly to blame, because it was like, EATING my brain, so maybe that accounts for some of the stupidity, but seriously...who thinks ratting your hair and then hair spraying it into an UGLY COMA is a GOOD thing?  And yes, I'm being facetious, but man, I looked HIDEOUS.  And...surprisinly mannequin-like.  All that hair that didnt move!  Eebie jeebies!!

Photo - That was my hair, in 9th grade.  Except, I wasn't Donny Osmond.  And I didn't have Chiclet teeth. Or at least I hope not.

But to be more serious...
I've always blamed myself for all these stupid things I've done, where I just think, man, I should have had better judgement.  And then I beat myself up for the stupid mistakes, and go round and round in circles, never getting anywhere but in an endless cycle of self-judgement and self-anger and blame, etc.  And I'm not sure how to get past all that.

But I do know that I need to forgive myself for the past moments where reason and logic seem to have been deficient in my diet (along with most everything else, wahahaha).  But today, as I was hashing all this out with someone I really trust, like she's in the top 3 of people I trust...I just realized, I need to forgive myself and move on.  I need to give myself a break, realize I was doing the best I knew how in the moment, be a little lenient on myself, and think, okay, so what can I learn from this?  How can I use this experience to help me be a better person, rather than use it as ammunition against me to fuel my eating disorder or other self-destructive behavior(s)?

There comes a moment where it's time to let go and forgive yourself, and maybe laugh when you think about the past and your silly mistakes, rather than shriek in horror.  I don't rat my hair anymore, and I certainly don't look like I'm wearing a helmet anymore, so see, I learned from that.  Take that 9th grade Brie!  Way to be an object lesson!

And for the serious stuff?  The life changers?  The things I deeply regret and wish I could have made better decisions on?  I just need to let go.  I need to learn from them, so that the pain and humiliation I endured will not have been in vain.  I'm starting to think I'm an okay person now, and maybe I'm an okay person because I made so many mistakes along the way, and maybe I was able to learn and grow from them to get to where I am.  And maybe I should gift myself some forgiveness.  Maybe it's time to do that, and move on.

What do you think?

Except the helmet hair!  I can never forget the helmet hair!!!!!!!  IT LIVES FOREVER.

Itchy Itchy Scratchy Scratchy

It has been well documented on this blog that I have terrible allergies and asthma.  I don't want to link to any post, (because I'm hella lazy) but if you're terribly curious, search for "allergies" on my blog, and you'll get an entire slew of posts.  I think the last total count of things I am allergic to is like 60+ things now, almost all environmental/animal allergens.  So, with spring coming, though I LOVE the warmer weather, it is bringing with it an onslaught of terrible allergy symptoms.  The asthma stuff is more or less under control - all my little lung cells are stuffed with Advair and Albuterol - but the other stuff is KILLIN ME.  Specifically, the itching.  My legs and arms are all clawed up because they itch so much; I can't stop scratching them.  And that sucks, but that's not even what I want to complain about right now - what I really want to betch about is my face.  My face and my neck itches so bad, and I can't stop scratching it, and now I have a lovely rashy/scratched up look going.  I try to cover it up with my Mac Studio Fix, but it's terrible.  You can look at me and know immediately that I can't stop scratching.  My arms and legs I can hide, but unfortunately I can't hide my face.  Unless I had giant sunglasses and my name was Nicole Ritchie.  Or Mary Kate Olsen.  But it's not; my name is Brie, and my face is driving me crazy.  I want to scratch it off.   :(  And no amount of Studio Fix can fix that!

So, here's where you come in.  What can I do?  Are there any allergy meds or topical creams or ointments that help any super itchy areas (why do I think DIRTY when I type "super itchy areas?" :/) you guys have?  Does anyone else have Annoying Itchy Face Syndrome with seasonal allergies?  I take Singulair for allergies along with all my other lung meds, but as far as over-the-counter allergy meds, I don't take any.  Anyone have any specific OTC meds they think might help?  Annnny ideas or anecdotes would be mucho appreciated, because you know, I like my face.  I want to keep it unblemished for awhile, maybe smile a lot and love life, and I can't do that when it itches so much I WANT TO DIE.  I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating, but when you have something that itches so terribly you'll go crazy insane if you don't scratch it, you'll know what I mean.

Help!!!

Photo - Me and Cade lovin each other yesterday.  Oddly enough, we were sitting on a giant, inflatable spider.  I wish the photo quality was better (darn iPad) because I think we both look really cute in it.  I wub my little man!

Happy St. Patrick Fools' Day

I have many, shall we say, shortcomings.  Quirks.  Oddities. 

We all do, right?

So do not judge what I am about to admit:

Dear readers, for whatever reason, I cannot, CANNOT, differentiate between

St. Patrick's Day and April Fools' Day.

March 17th and April 1st might as well be the same day to me.

If you don't wear green on April Fools' Day, I'll pinch the crap out of you.

And on March 17th, you better watch your back, cuz I'll prank you.

I. DON'T. GET. IT.

April 1st seems like such a natural day a leprachaun would like, right?  And why am I supposed to prank you again?  What is the background history on this?

And on the day I'm supposed to wear green (whichever one it is...) why do I have to do this?  Are we celebrating leprachauns or just the Irish in general?  And why are we celebrating the Irish anyway?  What did they ever do for us, besides giving us some potatoes, but who cares right, because now we have Idaho?

I'M SERIOUS.  THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM I HAVE.

Can someone please explain?!

PS - I'm not wearing green today and I am nervous.  I keep protecting the insides of my arms, because that is the most TENDER spot to get pinched!  Brandon is threatening he's going to pinch me...he is preying upon my holiday confusion!!!

New House Adventure Week 5

This week we met with the VP of Construction to go over our floor plans and upgrades and choices.  They made up blueprints of our home with everything we've chosen for it, and we basically check, double check, then triple check everything to make sure it's all in there, because once we signed off on the floor plan, making changes is extremely difficult and costly.

So, nothing too new to report - we didn't add or change anything, just basically confirmed what we chose.  However, I'm kinda bummed, because they gave us a date for when they would start framing our house, and he said they probably wouldn't start framing until the second or third week of May. MAY.  As in, more than a month from now.  :(  They're going to break ground in about 2 weeks, after they get all the permits, so they'll dig a big ol' hole and pour cement, but the framing won't happen for so long because I guess their framing crews are way backed up right now and are kind of scrambling to get it all done.  The VP said that they've sold more homes this month of March than they've ever before sold in a month, EVER.  So of course we happen to buy a home from this particular builder when they're busier than they've ever been, which basically means that we're getting shafted on the whole framing thing, because they're so busy and there are so many homes ahead of us that need to get framed too. 

And I don't mean to rag on our builder, because we love them, and we'd recommend them to another person for sure, but I'm just disappointed.  I want to MOVE, dangit, and NOW!  So, instead of our home being built at the end of July like we originally thought, he said that we'd be there by the end of August.  BUT, he did say that there was a fairly decent chance we'd be in there before then, he didn't say more and wouldn't commit to anything, he was just really elusive and wouldn't definitively say anything, just to cover his butt.  So I am kind of hoping maybe we'll be in there in early August, but who knows?

And I know that in the grand scheme of things, waiting one more month isn't a big deal...but...sigh...it was just disappointing to hear that.  But to look on the bright side, it gives us one more month to save up for furniture, because we have to furnish an entire house, and that is going to be EXPENSIVE.  So I guess maybe it's a blessing in disguise...tryin to look on the bright side here...

We also bought a dining room table this week like I already mentioned, but I'm not going to post pics until next week, because it currently has a bunch of crap on it (my diaper bag and like 5 cans of Diet Coke) and I'm too lazy to clean it off to take a proper pic.  But it is beautiful and will look awesome in our new house!

We also heard what our new address will be, and at first they gave us the wrong number, and told us our house number was going to be 8642.  How feeeereaking awesome is that?  Not only are they all even numbers, but they go down in increments of two!  It's beautiful and concise and perfect!  But then of course they messed up, and now our REAL house number is full of odd numbers and atrocities.  Sigh.  I guess I'll deal!  ;)

So...who has an anecdote to help me get through this waiting game?  Who has any ideas of who I can grease and how I can do it to get our house framed sooner?  Should I whip out a bare, long leg and flaunt?  Learn to pole dance?  Do a pelvic thrust or two?  Hellllppppp!!!