Friday, June 7, 2013

A Little too Pregnant...

I just have to document the fact that my body is psycho and completely not obeying me.  I have become acutely aware as of the last few days of how not in control of my body I am, and how pregnancy can completely hijack an otherwise normal body and make it do crazy things.  I'm only (almost) 24 weeks and the symptoms are driving me insane.  Oh, how I am afraid for 5, 10 weeks from now...

Photo - I was bored yesterday, because I was stuck in SLC with the kids at Mickey D's, (long story) so I took a few (rather shameless) selfies.

First example:
I blew my nose and promptly peed my pants.  I IM'ed Brandon and told him this, to which he asked, "Was there more mucous or urine?"  And my reply was, "Oh, it was a definite underwear soaker," to which he very aptly and accurately replied, "YICKY."

I also have heartburn that radiates from my knees to my eyeballs.  I now perma carry a bottle of Tums around, and they are about as vital to me as my iPhone and Burt's Bees, which is saying A LOT.  Last night at about 9:30, I was lamenting to Brandon about how sad I was that I couldn't eat after 7 pm because the heartburn burns it BURNS US PRECIOUS (all in the most creepy, Gollum-like voice possible...) and I seriously feel like I'm 80, I mean I CAN'T EVEN EAT AFTER 7 PM, but then finally the fact that I'm SO FREAKING pregnant got to be too much, and I was about to start eating the book I was reading if I didn't get some FOOD IN MY BELLY, so I decided that indulging in a Sweet 'n Salty was the lesser of two evils, and that I'd just have to let the heartburn win that night.  And win it did, my friends, win it did.

Photo - still stuck in SLC.  Waiting for group to begin.

So that is my complaint for the week.  Peeing that happens at really inopportune times, (although when is peeing your pants ever opportune?) and say you know, either 27 years too late or about 50 years too early in my life, and it's not just the herculean effort of blowing my nose that gets me to pee - it's a sudden burst of laughter, a sneeze, or heaven forbid I jump on the tramp.  That'll jiggle and jostle the pee right outta me.  And heartburn - oh and the fact that I am HUGE.  My belly is a large, large vessel.  6 months, though.  I am making progress on cooking this little R guy of mine!  Oh Little have no idea how much I am sacrificing to make you.  :)

Photo - my belluh at 24 weeks.  Big Big Thing.

But it still remains that--
pregnancy is so undignified.


allegri said...

I am so sorry, that totally sucks! Just its going to just be time to be wearing maxi pads or depends all of the time (: I promise I am not laughing at your misfortune, but I know my day will eventually come!

Tylaine said...

Hey Brie i know I haven't commented in a long time but I still love reading bout your fab life and beautiful FAM! Have you tried prevacid for the heartburn...worked great for me. Congrats on baby and you may not feel it but you are insanely beautiful and your bump is gorgeous :)

bri said...

I love this! Can so relate! Hang in there my darling. I miss u!

Elizabeth said...

I know this sounds weird but I have awful acid reflux too and if you try deglycerrhized licorice (DGL) that might really help. I've personally found that it does way more than Tums, for me anyway. But I was totally saying the same thing the other day i seriously feel like I'm 80! With all the awkward (lame ) restrictions on my diet just so I don't feel like crap all the time... Anyway you look lovely and you're already such a great and practiced mom that little R has nothing to worry about!!