Thursday, July 23, 2009

I Gave Blood; My Legs Gave Out

Yesterday at work there was a blood drive. For some weird reason I was in a giving mood, and thought why not do it, I’ve never donated before, today seems like a good a day as any to save a life, right?

So I made sure that the 340 medications I am taking were not on the banned list (they weren’t – to my utmost surprise) and they didn’t seem to have any qualms about my low weight, so I let ‘em have at me.

As I was waiting, though, for my turn to be poked and sucked dry, my charitable mood began to wane. What was I doing? Was I insane? Is my health even stable enough to do this?? My co-workers were all incredulous I was donating – they notice when I miss work due to hospitalizations and other such nonsense, so I was getting freaked about my CHARITABLE decision and I called my mom and asked her just what the H bomb I was doing. WHAT? She shrieked! You can’t give blood, you NEED your blood. ALL of it. You’re not healthy enough to do it. But Mom, I protested weakly, I’ve already started the process. I’ve already told them I have slept with no Bolivian whores and that I do not take Propecia for baldness. They’ve given me the All Clear! I promise I’ll be okay! She was skeptical, but really what could she do? I’m, like, an adult. Usually.

It wasn’t so bad. After I made sure they couldn’t poke my left arm, because excuse me that’s my bowling arm and I have League tonight, it seemed to go pretty smoothly. In fact, they say the average person, to donate a pint of blood, takes between 6-9 minutes. I was a fast bleeder. I was done in 4 minutes, 45 seconds. I was praising myself on my amazing bleeding skills. This wasn’t so bad! Who cares if you just took 1/6 of my blood? I, apparently, don’t need it. I am the picture of health. I am not passing out. I am not feeling weird. I am feeling brave and strong and am really excited about the free juice box I’m going to procure.

So I was done. She wrapped my arm up in a purple bandage, which was totally lame, because I’d heard her ask every other co-worker what color they wanted, (red, yellow, blue, purple, green, or pink) and I was debating between yellow and pink. I mean, yellow would’ve gone better with my outfit, but let’s be honest, it kind of looked like used toilet paper. So I was getting all excited about my pink bandage, when she wrapped me up in an anticlimactic purple. That put a damper on things, but still, it didn’t matter, I JUST SAVED A LIFE, man. And I didn’t die in the process, like some (coughMom&coworkerscough) thought I would.

She says thank you for donating today, have a great day. I sit up. I feel a little funny. I’m seeing black and red things that I’m pretty sure shouldn’t be there. I’m okay though, I think, no biggie, and stand up. But then sit down.
Abruptly.
And I hear, faintly, what seemed like from far away, WE’VE GOT A FAINTER! ...And then I had an ice pack on my neck and chest and I was like I’m so sorry but AT LEAST I’M A FAST BLEEDER.

I ruined their record. They were going for a faint-free day, and I tarnished it. ButbutBUT. Let’s all say it together, now: AT LEAST I’M A FAST BLEEDER!

So, I gave. I gave a lot.
But my legs gave out. Selfish jerks.

15 comments:

Laura said...

ARE YOU CRAZY!!!?????? I NEVER give blood...and well, I should, considering I had 4 blood transfusions after Luke was born, and it saved my life...BUT...I AM A FAINTER. ALWAYS. HATE IT.

Good for you to want to save a life..but hold onto your blood, sister..maybe you can donate canned goods or adopt another child. Rescue your 467th kitten. Just keep your blood.

Penny said...

Hey, I am with Laura. She said it. So many ways to give!! I only worry because so many things seem to go wrong when you have ANY encounter with the medical field. So I thought you should avoid anyone with a needle at all costs. Otherwise, I am proud of you for saving a few lives. My Dad needed blood a few months ago and it savaed him. So way to go.

brie said...

ahahaha i think perhaps brandon would rather have me donate blood - and possibly die - than rescue one more cat. the poor man just can't handle it anymore! ;)

Shannon said...

HA! One time, C-wood did a blood drive in the library. I was in a giving mood also. Halfway through them sucking me dry, I passed out. At LEAST, I didnt pee my pants though as I was out (that happened to one of my friends, who shall remain nameless)

Laura said...

I pass out having blood tests! blehh

Krista said...

The same thing happened to me when I was in college. It was really awkward cause I was walking down the hall toward my next class and the next thing I knew I was on the floor surrounded by people.

At least you are a fast bleeder though ;-)

now.is.now said...

I always think I should give blood. So I have attempted 3 times. And each time I have gotten so, so nervous that my heart rate rose too high that they wouldn't take my blood. I've finally given up.

Good for you. Good intention. Um, not sure it was safe... but good intention :) And good deed - I mean, they did get your blood. Not sure it was a good deed to yourself but.... it's over now and yay for saving a life.

michelle said...

The first (and last) time I gave blood, I fainted too. High school blood drive. 17. Maybe I was a melodramatic teenaged girl... maybe not. We'll never know.

Yes. Let's keep our blood to ourselves

rachel ramsay said...

i've tried to give blood a half dozen times over the years and they always turn me down. one time they gave me a sticker so and i wrote "i 'tried' to donate blood" i think it would be an honor just to be nominated... i mean cleared to donate. i'm a bit jealous that you got to but i'm not rushing out anytime soon to try again. i'm an organ donor though, but just not my corneas...i know but it gives me the heebee geebees and i know i would be dead so what's the big deal but still anything but my eyeballs.... and i digress.

Telstaar said...

Okay, so I absolutely love that you love cats cause when you come to visit me one day (in my imagination at least) you'll love my girls as much as I do... but don't you DARE rescue another kitty cause otherwise all that blood you donated will go back to resucing you when you stop breathing from having more kitties!!!

As for the blood... I'm not allowed to donate because of CFS of all things. They actually told me that I needed all the blood I could get! Seriously! I didn't even get to medication related issues! Now that my surname is changed, I've thought about going, lying etc, but it's be a major production, cause they weigh us and everything! Far out!!!

As for the fainting, hey you're a trend setter you know! Are you really surprised that you fainted? I mean surely that started a spur of "fainters", its the trend setting quality in you after all. Sucky about the purple bandage though, boo :(.

You made me laugh OUT LOUD, YAY!

Love ya Miss B! xox

Cassidy said...

Don't worry, I've done it.twice and what with no nervousness or anything and an easy first time I figured I'd be ok, it then took like 10 minutes and I was out like a light in the middle of the hall
:)

bananas said...

Hmmmmmmm, I'm not sure you should have given blood, missy. Not quite yet in your recovery. Although I am proud of you. And when I get blood tests, I always have to lie down because I've passed out before and gotten really sick. And you know what they told me? The most common fainters are... macho men! Haha. That makes me laugh.

I don't think I can give blood since I have that whole white cell issue. But I also don't think I _could_ physically because of how faint I've gotten from regular draws! You'd think I'd be a pro by now but this girl still needs to lie down for every blood draw.

Well I hope you recovered fast and good for you for doing something as nice as giving blood.

brie said...

okay, well, i definitely feel better that i'm not the only fainter. and yeah, i pry shouldn't have done it. but they didn't weigh you or anything...oh well!

and i did set off others fainting, apparently a girl after me (who saw me faint) passed out after me. haha!

brie said...

oh and rachel? i'd rather donate all my organs BEFORE my eyes. now that's just creepy!

"Julia" said...

This would probs be me, too, if I ever managed to make a blood drive.
The doctors draw me every time I go in, and they never find anything except that "if you don't eat more iron, you're going to become anaemic." That makes me dizzy and that's only a little blood. My legs would so quit on me at an actual drive.