Thursday, September 18, 2008

Saying Sorry Seriously Sucks

Alliteration: 4 points! Say THAT 5 times fast!

I am the epitome of non-confrontational. You call me a bitch (yes, it’s happened, SO sad) or tell me I’m really lame and stupid and such a burden on my family for still having my eating disorder (yes, it’s happened, once again, SO sad) or any other number of hurtful (but perhaps true?) comments, I smile because I don’t want to make YOU feel bad for making ME feel bad, and then I totally go home and think of all the things I REALLY want to say to you, but instead I cry and cry and plot a revenge that will never come to fruition.

If you insult my mom or my son, then my claws come out and I will tear you apart with my vicious rhetoric. But other than that, eh, I just can’t do it. I ain’t gonna do it. It wouldn’t be prudent. You know?

I wish I were more confrontational. I wish that I wasn’t afraid to stand my ground and tell your ass that you’re wrong, or that you hurt me, or that I hate your haircut, or that I think your toes are ugly. Honestly, every once in awhile, I just want to be mean. Mean like people can be to me, and get away with it like they somehow always get away with it. Just once or twice I wanna say what I want to say. I can’t imagine that kind of liberty.

Saying sorry certainly isn’t bad, it’s the brotherly or Christian or best thing to do if you believe in Karma or the Golden Rule. But if you say sorry for no reason, like I do all the time, then I’m only telling everybody that I’m a geekyweaky that can be walked all over. Remember how I’m a doormat? Well, this certainly doesn’t help me on the road to becoming the boots ON the doormat (or, in my case, probably stilettos on the doormat) at all, you know?

I just apologized to some co-workers for NOT SENDING a document that I did, in fact, SEND. I smiled demurely and drew them up again and perkily hand-delivered them. You know what? I think this is how serial killers are born and bred. Maybe. I mean, I don’t have a desire to go on a killing rampage (yet) (but who knows?) but it seems like resentments and insecurities and un-resolved anger can make MEN that are MAD at life or whatever morph into MADMEN. I think I’m on to something. Note to self: look into this.

So, readers and friends and family alike:
Be warned:
This chick might just be ready to put her stilettos all over YOU. (Or, at least side-step you, or jump over you. I mean, I don’t want to be the person wiping dog feces all over your mat. I’m just saying that I no longer wanna be the mat. Okay?)

[READERS PLEASE NOTE: Author apologizes profusely for potentially offending her readers. ]

23 comments:

Emily said...

I say "sorry" WAY too much too.

Cammy said...

I am definitely guilty of the automatic "I'm sorry," also, the people I worked with this summer finally started telling me every day, "STOP APOLOGIZING!"

There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself, Brie, I know it's hard and it seems like everyone will hate you and think you're an uberbitch, but that's not true at all. Maybe taking some observational time would be a good thing: watch how other people at work, or anywhere else, take a stand for themselves. They aren't hated (unless they are being really unreasonable), people have different views and/or needs sometimes and they can't be addressed if they're not expressed. People really do treat you the way YOU teach them to treat you. Hang in there, this is something I struggle with too and I know it's hard, but let out a big Brie roar once in a while and don't feel bad about it!

Laura said...

Should you snap, and do something that involves feces or stilettos, remember to fully commit...and once you are done, do not, under any circumstances, say sorry.

And I happen to like a girl who snaps.

brie said...

L have you ever watched Snapped on the Oxygen channel? I'm totally addicted...it's a documentary series that profiles women who murder, and as you so eloquently said, SNAP. OMG, I *AM* TURNING INTO A MURDERER!!!!!

jana bananas said...

Brie, you are woman. I want to hear you roar.

zubeldia said...

rah! Go Brie...

So sorry not to be around, petal. As you know my schedule is sort of a wee bit sucky.

You know, I am pretty much the perennial 'sorry' type person, and then it gets old, and you find people who you can practice being different with (poor mr. z!) and you can stand your ground.

I am pretty good at standing up for myself in many ways, unless I think that my saying something could cause pain to someone.. I mean, pain that would cause them to suffer more than me, and so I DO still mitigate my words, swallow them down, but when somethign bothers me, well, I will say something. When it crosses a line (and i am pretty difficult to tick off), then I say something.

I am also fiercely protective of my little baby cubs :) (you're one of those, sweety!)

love you.

Shannon said...

Just dont apoligize if you get in a fender bender (thats what she said). Apparently it insinuates guilt on your end. Just something I learned whilst reading "O" magazine. That Oprah...so smart...

Lisa said...

I'm a chronic apologizer, too. It might be connected to my perfectionism. Whenever something goes wrong, there has to be something I did or failed to do that could have prevented the current situation. Thus it is instantly MY FAULT.

My perfectionism is linked to my ED, too. Hmm.

alriggells said...

You go girl. Totally be those stilettos, you have it in you. I back you in it 1110%. You freakin rock.

H said...

I'm in the same boat.

Kathy with a K said...

a-ha! Pardon me while I put on my jr. psychotherapist's hat...You CAN be confrontational about your eating disorder!* (*see my previous comment on previous post regarding "find out what the ed is doing for you") With a history of avoiding conflict it makes perfect sense that you would want to keep something you can be defiant about.
So, it's not only about being thin, its about being really assertive (in this one area). Lose the anorexia and you lose your piece of assertiveness. Know what I mean? It's like the eating disorder is a safe-zone for being confrontational.
You'd think I'd experienced this myself the way I talk about it... ;)

licketysplit said...

You probably did this at the center, but i remember when i was there i had to try to go a whole day without saying sorry ONCE and it was ridiculously difficult! isn't that bizarre? like, what IS it that makes us feel like WE need to apologize for everything wrong in this world? anyway, i totally support you in your assertiveness efforts, let us know how it goes :)

Kathy with a K said...

I think my jr. psychotherapist's hat would look great with your stiletto's.

Arielle said...

Sometimes you just have to let it out. I'm guilty of apologizing unnecessarily as well, but I've gotten much better about that. If you make a goal to end that kind of behavior you're well on your way--even if it takes you a while to carry out what you desire. I guess what I'm saying is: it happens to the best of us.

Furthermore, there is a happy medium between being a mat and being a serial-killer-esque stiletto stomping take-no-shit chick. Know what I'm saying? You don't have to jump from one extreme to the next (even though your emotions can certainly drive you to want to be mean at times); you can instead gradually move up from mat to actual human being and still be a likable, appreciated, and self-aware woman.

Best of luck, Brie. :) I know you have it in you!

Much love,
Arielle

Brandon said...

K Squared, look at you go with all your therapy-esque knowledge! Maybe I should switch to you. What kind of insurance do you take??

Arielle, I really like how you pointed out that I can be assertive without being a "serial killer esque stilleto stomping take no shit chick." For reals, TOTALLY know what I'm going to be for Halloween!

Brandon said...

Oops, Brandon is actually Brie...although, if I looked that good with a beard, I wouldn't have to wax. :)

Brooke said...

Hey, I've been waiting for the day you wanted to get angry and lash out. Who, better than me to help you?

Really, it there is a fine line between lashing out in all craziness and standing your ground. Once you do it a few times, you start to feel so much better (if you do it in a sort of kind way).

But, who am I to talk, I yell at people at Home Depot, Lowes, Walmart (of course) Downeast Outfitters, and Arctic Circle...just to name a few. And those lash outs actually feel good because you know you'll never see them again! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ! Love it!

Love your crazy sista!

kristin said...

OMG! I can totally empathize, Brie!

Take care.

love, kristin

Joyce K. said...

Brie, I have been lurking for a while and I had to comment on this. I was hugely non confrontational. I have noticed it does get easier with age. You get more comfortable in your own skin.
By the time you are 40 you will be telling people off left and right and not giving a crap.

Laura said...

never seen SNAPPED...though I fear I may be ON it someday soon....
and I agree with Joyce completely...trust me...one day..you WILL tell people off...I promise.

brie said...

Totally not joking, I once (meekly) yelled at a 15 year old skank working at Maurice's who wouldn't stop harping to me that I could save 10% off today's purchase if I opened a credit card. Yeah, too bad my total was only $12 anyway, though man, I sure would've loved to save that precious $1.20, but I also have to just say NO to credit cards cuz I get a wee bit excited and impulsive...anyway...I yelled. Kind of. Or at least used vicious rhetoric.

I need to post today, but I just woke up - and it's 1. Woops! I got a bangin' haircut, though, and I need to share. Will later, I promise.

MommaMcCarthy said...

i don't mean to be a downer (because i feel the same way a lot) but i get comfort in my ways from "You've Got Mail". just try to remember what happens when shopgirl says exactly what she wanted to say when she wanted to say it.

i alllllways feel worse when i say the mean thing i had planned.

it's me, t said...

question... if you're a jew... does that mean you don't have to say sorry? cause you said it was the "brotherly or christian" thing to do. And I'm not a brother. And i'm not a christian. so YAY!