Friday, September 26, 2008

BEEing Viciously Attacked

OMG, I was just assaulted by a huge furry bee. It was zipping around my person and even my muscular arms swatting away could not thwart it of its mission to partake of my luscious smell. I had just had some strawberry cream cheese, and perhaps the odor still lingered. At any rate, after I smacked around the air cautiously a few times, it kept zeroing in on me, so then I had no other option but to stand up and start jumping and spinning around, causing passing cars to really stare. I even got two honks and a whistle of approval. Not only was this bee intent on murdering me, but also humiliating me in the process. THEN, when even that failed to foil the blood-sucking bee, I started trying to smash it with my hefty 3 pound book. It was a library book, though, and I didn’t want to get bee guts all over it and have to pay for it or anything. When even THAT failed to work, I began to realize that this bee was on a mission to sting me to death and have its poison send me into anaphylactic shock, where my helpless being would collapse, and no one would help me, but perhaps I’d illicit a few more honks.

So I decided to run. And my relaxing lunch break was over. I was really hoping to finish my chapter, too. Although, I’ll admit a small part of me wanted to get stung, (but not profusely, I’m not talking a reenactment of My Girl or anything) just a few dozen stings that would get me out of work for the rest of the day. However, my self-defense mechanisms seemed to kick in. That’s a powerful instinct; one that can’t easily be ignored.

So I remain sting-less, thanks to my dexterity and skills. But at least I got a few honks.

6 comments:

kathy with a k said...

okay, that's really weird. I had a dream I was being attacked by bees last night.
Don't think I got stung either.

H said...

Okay, so growing up in Florida, citrus country, USA, we had LOADS of bees and hives ALL over the freakin' place. And so what I was told, at a wee young age, was if a bee comes buzzing near you, you stand perfectly still like a statue and it'll eventually leave fly off and leave you alone. To this day, I've done that, when faced with minor bee conflicts, and it has worked....but perhaps I don't smell as yummy as you do...who knows. But I must admit, I looooooove honey and am right now, as my after work sugar snack, squeezing the honey bear over my mouth....YUM! They're scary little bastards, but they make good yummy things! Yeah to honey!

Jackie said...

*buzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

Emily said...

I am glad you did not get stung. I am not a fan of bees either. One was intent on landing on me this morning, and just as I began to have a freak out session, the bus came and it flew away.

brie said...

H, I tried, for like 2 seconds, to sit still. But this was a big MFer and I knew it wanted to kill me. And I didn't overreact, I SWEAR!! ;)

Laura said...

Bee careful!