Denial: a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence.I am fully aware that there has never been any other word for any other day, but that is inconsequential. This. is. the. word. of. the. day. Or maybe even the word of my life. Denial. I am in it. Suck. At least, according to my therapist and the all trusty Wikipedia. I didn't realize it was possible to be in denial while a tube is in your nose. It seems...a bit...incongruous, doesn't it? But yeah. In case you were wondering, it's possible. Please learn this from me, and don't test it out yourself. :/
7 comments:
in denial about your anorexia? :( well the first step is realizing it, right? Hang in there, you'll make it through.
You are distracting me from studying (or rather from cramming) again! Oh, the blog-reading temptation....
My mom makes me laugh by telling me that when I was younger, she was sure that I didn't have an eating disorder and that she couldn't possibly be in denial about such a thing... but then she realized that the whole idea of being in denial is that you don't know when you're in it! So... if you know you're in denial, you must be making progress toward getting out of it... do you see my logic? Never mind, I'm on mental overload and should not be trusted with logic. But... perhaps? Give yourself some credit?
And I would actually say that it's especially easy to be in denial when you've got a tube up your nose... um, yeah. Anyone who was around for that era of my time at the Center should be able to vouch for this fact. Alas.
Despite what you feel inside Brie, you are taking very brave, very important steps to ensure your health. It is normal to be in denial. The amazing thing is that you are not wallowing in your denial; you are fighting it. You are truly amazing and truly an inspiration. Denial might be a good way of coping with a very difficult situation; but as long as you are doing something to fight back (which clearly you are) then I think you are doing just fine. You are great Brie!
Brie,
I know exactly how you feel. The first time I had a feeding tube I was seriously convinced that I did not have a problem. I thought that I was fine and that everyone else was freaking out.
My RD had me continually stand in the mirror and look at the tube and then see if I still felt "fine" (I did), so then she made me eat cake and I cried and she kindly reminded me that healthy people don't cry after eating cake.
She also gave me helpful advice- if I ever think I am fine, I should put fat free yogurt and the normal fat kind in front of me and see which one I pick. Even if I do pick the normal one, see if I regret it or have anxieties.
Sooooo frustrating but acknowledging the evil can help you get rid of it.
hang in there,
morgan
Thanks Abbers and Morgan for letting me know I'm not completely certifiably mad for struggling with denial while I'm a tube-face. I'm sure I'll work through it; I'm committed to. And Morgan, I don't know you, but thanks for commenting. ;)
Brie, I met Morgan at Notre Dame and she's way cool!
Well I agree denial is a pain in the ass. But the truth is by admitting you are in denial you are no longer in denial. So heres to you for seeing that you are. And I know its possible to have a tube and be in denial at the same time. Hugs. I hope you find your way free from all this crap.
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