Guess who’s not in the hospital? Oh, just me.
What a relief. This is me "relieved" in the car after my appointment. I look...not caucasian.
I was so nervous this morning. Our appointment was in Lehi, which is about a half hour from my house, and since it was scheduled for 8:15, I had to get up quite early to get ready and for the driving time, and I felt like I was going to ralph up all my important weight gain. Held in the nerves, though.
So, I won’t lie; I was a sneaky little bugger. I wore two jackets and heavy pants and shoes when I got weighed. I know, I know. I sound like a devious crazy anorectic, but I found it quite necessary to wear all the contents of my winter wardrobe because I so believe that hospitalization is not necessary!
So I stepped on the scale, and I was supposed to get on it backward, but the bubble-gum chomping nurses-aid looked so ignorant, and I was right – she was – she didn’t know I was supposed to shed my many layers and shoes and get on backward. How can you not take advantage of a soft little baby eating disorder virgin?
So, the number was like nine pounds heavier than it was last time I saw my weight, and I just busted out laughing, because I knew that there was no way on this planet that I had gained nine pounds in, like, four days. I was pretty sure some of that was real, but not the majority of it.
So Dr S came in, (who, if you will remember, is beautiful, and whom I now refer to as Docalicious) and we talked for awhile, he mainly asked Brandon if I was really telling the truth and not lying, and I was trying to not be offended, cuz I ain’t no fibster, but really, I understand.
But then Docalicious saw me hunched over with the weight of my winter clothing collection, and asked, “You didn’t wear all that when you got weighed, did you?”
I of course start giggling, (Why am I such a moron?) and conceded that I had, in fact, donned my winter attire for the do or die weigh in. He actually laughed, but told me I knew better, and that his nurses, did too. I promptly negated that one, though. His nurses blow at following the eating disorder protocol for weigh-ins, but whatev.
So the point here is that I did gain weight, we’re pretty sure, but how much exactly remains a mystery. My dietician will weigh me on Monday, and I can find out how successful this weight gain mission is going thus far.
And, don’t worry, I already came clean to my therapist and dietician about Mission: Evade Hospital. I’m sure I’ll suffer the consequences on Monday when I see them. But whatevs. Totally worth it.
Except, now that I think about it, Docalicious said that they’re going to take my possible hospital admittance a week at a time. He went on to explain that they’re worried that the reason I’ve had so much trouble gaining weight in the past, even while in treatment, is because my body has been so depleted for so long, that it refuses to do what it should even when it gets nourishment and just continues to relentlessly eat itself. Or whatever. So even though I’m out of the hot-seat for now, I have to hope that this small weight gain is a weekly trend.
So, you still have to keep me in your prayers and thoughts and stuff, because I don't want some other lame disease. I've already got anorexia, I don't need something else that's super suckalicious.