Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Cade Shenanigans (Or In Other Words, Why I Am a Bad Mother)

Cade’s nearly two now, and he’s really just so much fun to play with. He’s an incredible talker for his age, and I have endless conversations with him regarding ducks taking baths, fun bikes, big trucks, waffles please, eye hurts, poop in dipes, (diaper) fat cats, etc. The kid, really, is a great mimicker. Fantastic, actually. His capacity to ape anyone is borderline freaky. And once I realized this, I had to begin to be much more careful with the things I say or do so that he doesn’t repeat them in a very important public forum or something and embarrass me needlessly (this has happened on more than one occasion; the one that stands out most being when he started yelling JESUS!!! in church. It sounded like he was cursing, not saying it with reverence).

But, well, sometimes I forget. It’s hard to be a perfect mom all the time. Yesterday I said F-er. Really. Just effer. Not the real F word, because I never say that anyway (except when a rec therapist was forcing me to commit suicide repel off a 200 foot cliff in Southern Utah, but really, that was absolutely justified and a different blog for another day). So I muttered that under my breath, having just been cut off by some reject on the freeway. Then I heard in the backseat Cade gleefully shout, “EFF-UH!!! Eff-uh. Eff-UH.” So I quickly had to think of someone I could blame this on when my husband heard him and wanted an explanation for the Wee One’s potty mouth. I blame it on the red-head at the park. Totally.

And then, when I was watching American Idol, I got so caught up in David Archuleta’s hot bod singing, I was so overcome, I couldn’t help myself – I jumped up, wrapped my arms as best I could around the TV set, and humped it a little. We’re talking about a few harmless pelvic thrusts, people. But then Cade, quite predictably, started humping the TV too. And really, I’m not gonna lie, it was funny. Stuff like that has to be, it’s like a universal law or something. But really, it’s much funnier when it’s the neighbor’s kid or your sister’s tike because then you can laugh but also think, I’m so glad my kid is more well-mannered than that. You know? I mean, I have to take responsibility for his dirty shenanigans.

So I’ve learned the hard way: no more humping the TV.
Suck.

15 comments:

Emily said...

Brie, you're not a bad mom! I'm sure this happens to all parents at one stage or another in their child's development- the "copycat stage".

I found this blog entry humorous... I can just imagine you (and Cade!) humping the TV! :)

Shannon said...

Holy crap that was the funniest post! Maybe simply because I go through the same thing all the time with Weston. Yesterday I pinched my finger in the snaps of his carseat while buckling him in and i muttered "son of a . . ." then trailed off and didn't say the rest, but sure enough he looks at me and says, "Mom, why you say someofa?" I heaved a big sigh and kind of ignored him. Trust me it doesn't make you a bad mom. If it did, there would be no good moms in the world (or at least any good mom's I could be friends with). Anyway, it's a very fun stage (minus the mimicking all our faults) so enjoy!

aLana said...

oh my heavens, this is TOOOO funny! you are definitely not a bad mom, and you have an awesome sense of humor so it more than makes up for any bad humping habits- i've seen you with your cats, and so yes, i can knowingly classify this as a habit of yours! haha jax's new fav word is "sh*t" and he has found the correct intonation to use it as a one word response for every experience in life: when alex knocks down his block tower, when its raining outside, when i shatter a glass bowl all over the floor, when he's excited to take a bath, when we are getting dressed for a splash party at alex's school, when a group of moms are standing around and another child splashes him at said splash party, you get the idea! and it's HILARIOUS! but that's probably b/c he's not my kid! haha well, if you're looking for some sort of justification, what about the standby line of "he's going to learn it from somebody at some time in his life. it might as well be from his own mother!" haha love ya b!

Krista said...

This post had me ROTFLMAO! Oh good I thought I was the only one having a tel-affair with David. I secretly want to go to the Delta Center tonight to watch the finale, but my sisters are lame and won't go with me. Jaxon watches Dustin play x-box so much he walks around with the controller grunting "gosh" and "crup" (crap). I am just waiting for the day he starts really mimicking the words daddy uses while playing x-box.

brie said...

Krista, trust me, you are SO not the only one who is having a tele-crush on David A. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment while I'm watching AI, I say something entirely inappropriate, like "I want to de-virginize you and willingly go to prison for statutory rape!" My husband just looked at me, then rubbed his face like he was really stressed, lol. He's so ADORABLE!!!

Stacy said...

going to PEEEEEE my pants (doesn't take much to almost get me there these days but STILL)

Haylie sees Ryan grab my clothed boob and does it too, so you mean it just gets worse? :-)

and the TV humping... well Brie... I mean maybe I should be saying ..."well Brandon" The girl needs some lovin'.
The TV can't give back.

FYI it was a very hilarious photo real in my head, ALL of it including your kid being THAT kid in church. He just LOVES JESUS! (blame it on nursery and the Sunbeam song)
You are a great mom... just ask Cade.

Stacy said...

ooh oooh teach him to mimick "i have a great MOM"

I. am. a. GENIOUS.

kawaiitanpopo said...

Humping the tv, eh? Hilarious! :)

Tanya said...

Brie, Holy something...that was a really funny post. Sorry but for me it isn't my kid and its hilarious. Even if it was I think I would be rolling on the floor laughing. I had visuals of you and your lil' Cade humping the TV and I just started laughing so loud my roommate gave me the what is it look. I do not think his mimicking is indicative of your being a bad mom. My mom used to laugh at her sister when she had a son, simply because her sister always looked down on how my mom was raising her kids because my mom had boys...and boys are just rougher and all that so when she had a girl I was rougher...we used to get in wrestling matches. So when Kory came along and had his antics...mom loved to hear of them.

One in particular is when he sat on my grandma's lap and looked up at her and with a genuine voice goes "Grandma, how are your bowels?" or something to that effect. It may have been lets talk about your bowels but either way it was funny. That and he went around slapping other people in his kindergarten on the toosh calling them fluffy bottom, and there was one time when he took his pants off in the lunch line and asked a girl something about his bottom...lol..sorry for jacking your blogspace, I just wanted you to see that there are other things your son could be doing...You are not a bad mom, I promise.

aLana said...

ps... as far as jesus comments, how about walking through the joseph smith memorial building and alexander (having not been raised in church of any kind) seeing a statue of christ, pointing and yelling to jason a good 100 feet away- "hey dad! that's you!" i guess they both have mustache and beard?! haha

Abby said...

You and your little family are amazing. Seriously, would my life be this funny if I were a better writer? You must just rush from one adventure to another all day long! Also... more Cade pictures, please? (Too bad the TV-humping incident isn't on film... but maybe that's a good thing.)

Jackie said...

Your posts just crack me up. You are a GREAT mother and you are making memories that you will never forget :) You are hilarious!!!

emo said...

You are right! Cade can talk well for his age. I remember him saying his Jesus! I love your stories about Caden.
My boy is just making all these crazy noises that embarrass me like when we are in line at the store and he is rolling his r's and saliva and snot gets all over the place.
You are doing great with Cade! It is cute when he sees you and gets excited.

alriggells said...

Hey Brie, it happens to the best. My nephew copies everything, and he heard his dad say that SHIT when he dropped something on his foot and we were at WENDY's and he took his frosty and dropped it on the floor and screamed SHIT!!!!! Well we were trying to get him silenced, so her proceeded to scream SHIT!!!!!!!and giggle. It happens to the best. This nephew is now 11 and does just fine. I love that you have a crush on David A. I love it. It makes me smile to read all the fun stuff that you do. You know what you are real, and your son is going to grow up seeing that and it will only help him to be real. Maybe I am completely off my rocker, but that is what I think. You are a fandango mother.

Brookie BW said...

I've been waiting for this day, when you would be walking in my shoes. I appreciate your humor you can handle it with. No worries, as you know, I've taught Josh my fair share of "naughty" words, but he doesn't usually say them unless we are in front of Dad, or in Church. Anyways....sweet dreams of de-virginizing David Archuleta!!