Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Accidental Whistler

I have never been able to figure out how to whistle. This seemingly elementary ability eludes me (as do many, many other skills). However, I now whistle. Er, kind of. I don’t whistle, but my nose does. Well, the nostril with a tube shoved in there does. And it’s embarrassing. And I can’t help it. Between my necessity for no less than 64 tissues a day due to serious sinus irrigation issues, and the way the air caresses the tube when I exhale, well, it produces quite an extraordinary whistle. Last night when I got in the elevator as I was leaving work, someone slipped in just before the doors shut – never mind I was frantically pushing the ‘Door Close’ button. We politely smiled then stared at our respective walls.
But then: we hear it. A whistle.
She looks at me.
I look behind me, like, maybe it’s someone back there we didn’t notice…?
I smile ruefully and shrug my shoulders at her, then book it as fast as I can to my car, merrily (albeit begrudgingly)whistling the entire way. And it also woke me up last night. My own whistling. This is weird. Honestly, why is my life so weird? Who whistles out of their nose? I should be one of those freaks that goes on the David Letterman Show.

Oh, and speaking of last night. Sort of. It sucked. It was one of those I'm so tired I can't even sleep nights. It probably had something to do with the fact Cade was sleeping with us. This is pretty rare; every once in awhile he'll get an hour or so, but he got, like five hours of Ma and Pops sleep time. And this 26 pounder can throw around his weight, lemme tell you. And it hurts. I woke up more times than I can count because he was kicking me or (literally) rolling on top and over me. I even once woke up, and his head was nuzzled against my breasticles and his feet were horizontal and all over Bran's face. Since Bran was sleeping and I wasn't, I was secretly hoping he'd kick him in the jaw or something, but no dice. So I just sat awake and stared at the Liquid Evil drip drip drip into me.

I just finished an interesting book. It was The Host by Stephenie Meyer – you know, that one author that wrote that insanely popular vampire series that tweens and even adult women (coughmysisterscough) are obsessed with? And well, let’s just say I was pleasantly surprised. I have and will always maintain that she can’t write very well. In fact, I’m convinced a door knob could supply a more eloquent piece. However, and this is a big however; the lady is a rockstar at character development. She makes you so engrossed in the characters, you don’t care that the book almost seems to have been written by your six year old step-cousin that was born with some rare genetic condition involving the use of, like, only half his brain or something. But. Seriously. Go read it. You’ll be ashamed that you couldn’t put it down. I was!

Hablas HTML?

I’ve been learning some fun codes to make my blog more interesting. You should, too, so that I don’t get so mind-numbingly bored while reading yours. :)

Learn to speak HTML

Okay. I better get back to whistling working now.

Ooh! PS: The card above had nothing to do with the post, but had me roaring nonetheless.

14 comments:

Krista said...

I like the indications that anyone actually reads this blog. I only wish I'd of thought of it first cause people actually do read your blog... mine on the other hand. I agree about Stephanie Myer. She's not all the captivating when she writes, but for some reason I still love the stories she writes. Perhaps that is an oxymoron or maybe that's what makes her a good writer. I don't know!

alriggells said...

Ok, so I think I may need to come over and take blog 101 from you to spice up my blog because no matter how hard I try I just don't comprehend this technology stuff. So one of these days Brie, it is a date? Plus, I need, have a dyer need to see you, it has been far too long.

Emily said...

I can't whistle either. Never have been able to. I think it's kind of funny that you can whistle through your tube, though. :)

I'm going to look at the HTML link you posted. I've always wanted to learn some.

Abby said...

Brie, Brie! Stop! I need to study!

I know I was just saying that I want you to post more... which I do... but the mere knowledge that you might have written something new is distracting me from cramming for finals. I mean, I'm in front of the computer anyway (because professors are now too lazy to write their own exams, so they just use exams from the book publishers--thus, it is very important to take all the online quizzes and such from the websites that go with the textbooks)... but anyway, your blog is just a click away... I think I need to work on self-control.

But seriously--how do you manage to have so many adventures on a daily basis?

And the ecard (or whatever those are called) is hilarious. I was looking through a bunch of them, and I was like, "These are not as funny as everyone acts like they are." But after seeing this one, I'm converted.

Jackie said...

Those postcards/cartoons are so hilarious; they seriously make me laugh everytime I see them. You are honestly so sweet for all your comments on my blog; I just need to actually CALL. I will. I will tomorrow. That is a promise! Thanks for all your support Brie.

heather said...

I have a kid in my class who is constantly trying to whistle....he can't, obviously, thus the TRYING..which, by the way becomes quite annoying, but he does make some pretty interesting noises..and yes, some come out of his nose too...along with a whole bunch of green snot slime!

Okay, so a funny story about tubes. So, my best friend Jamin removed mine when I was in Denver...way before we ever met...it was scary, and yes, she was obvioulsy not acting in my best interest, but still...it's funny cuz Reagan was there and she grabbed, pulled, and flung it out in one big huge arm swiffing movement and all this slime came flying through the air and landed, quite nicely, on not me or Jamin...but Reagan who had just stopped by to say hi. Yep. It gave us all a really gross laugh and a funny memory of the old/bad days. So....word of caution...let the doc (or nurse) whoever, do it. Or, better yet, YOU do it (when it's "time" obviously)with them sitting in front of you and slime them up really good. I'm sure you'll be their favorite patient from that moment on!

emily said...

I am so glad there is someone in the world who shares my opinion of Stephenie Meyer to the letter. When I told my sisters that they almost lynched me. Or was that because I have brown eyes? I also cannot whistle. or blink. i am ashamed of myself.

Kathy with a K said...

Liquid Evil...hmmm, I was thinking you might want to rephrase that. Reframe it in a new light. And then I just reversed "EVIL" and got "LIVE" and I just think that's a better way of thinking of it.

brie said...

Kathy, you're right, of course. :) It's definitely a good way to think about it. It's hard to remember that while it's actually pumping into me, so this was a good reminder. Thanks. :)

brie said...

Emily E, your comment made me roar! You cannot blink? I'd love to see that - on SATURDAY! Yay for old kindergarten friends getting together after much too long. Yeah, my sisters almost lynched me too after reading this blog entry. They worship Stephenie Meyer. In fact, I'm entirely convinced Amber would peel off her (SM's) skin and wear it, if possible.

Paige said...

I've missed your blog so much! I need to blog-read more often, but it was fun to back-read and your hilarity really brightened up my night. I'm so happy to read your assessment of Stephanie Meyer...anytime someone talks about how amazing the Twilight books are a little piece of me dies (along with any respect I had for that person). Addicting, fun, mindless entertainment, yes; amazing--NO. My sister's reading "The Host" right now, maybe I'll borrow it from her when she's done, but I'm scared.

jana bananas said...

1. I can't whistle either, but when I had braces (I'm SO happy to be able to use the word "when" now) I could do this high pitch whistle through them.

2. I think you should become a mouth-breather. That's the solution. Sexy-hotness.

brie said...

Bananas, I'm TOTALLY a mouth breather. And I hate it with a fiery passion. Because of chronic, debilitating allergies and tubage stuff, I seriously can't breathe out of my nose. That's why, when I've been graced with this small window of time to actually breathe out of my nose, I can't because some sort of humiliating nosie comes out.

Jamie :) said...

Brie~ not only can I whistle, but I DO whistle through my nose all the time. Something to do with the fact that I broke my nose a couple years ago with a backhand to the face during ultimate...long story. Anyway, I HATE the nose whistle! It is so annoying and I do it all the time, but you had be rolling at the fact that you turned around in the elevator looking for it. That was classic! Anyway, it gets worse because I keep Sean up all night long sometimes because I am either rhythmically whistling at high frequencies or heavily breathing (I refuse to call it snoring!) through my mouth and thus parching my taste buds of all saliva resulting in yet another need to get up and get a drink. So...there you go. Vent all you want about the nose whistle because it blows big time (excuse the pun.. but you know me :) ) Love it all!