Another Invasive Tube Inquiry

Okay, wow. So, for those of you that read my previous post, you know that I’ve been getting some pretty up-front questions about my tubage – all sensitivity flies out the window, and is replaced with a whole lot 'o audacity. But today, folks, well it just takes. the. cake. Seriously. You need to hear this. So keep reading!

Today was the first Sunday since I’ve been tubaged that I’ve dared venture to church. I knew that people would be nothing but kind and compassionate, but they’d also be very inquisitive, and seeing as I’m more or less a pretty intensely private person, (at least where the prying eyes and ears of neighbors are concerned) I didn’t want to go to church because I knew it would raise a lot of questions that I’d rather avoid. But, well, after nearly a month, I thought it was time to go. I didn’t dare go to the two classes, but I did tackle Sacrament Meeting. As I was walking into church, feeling monstrous in my new black dress that’s a size or two too big to compensate for the weight gain that’s on a pilgrimage toward my toosh, I noticed several pair of eyes on me as we sat down, but I tried to ignore them as I fervently wished I had brought a Xanax.
But I survived.
And as soon as the meeting was over, before we could even leave our pew, an acquaintance sidled up to me and exchanged pleasantries with Brandon and me.

Mr. B and I had already come to the conclusion several months ago that we had some mutual ancestors. He found it fascinating, I did not.

So after we swapped the how are you I’m fines, he asked if he could stop by our place today and bring an “interesting book” he had come across about our mutual ancestor (who’s somewhat well-known in our church). I said “Sure…?” And we more or less forgot about it. But about thirty minutes after we got home, while Cade was playing in the backyard and I was fixing sandwiches and Bran was doing the dishes, Mr. B came over with the book.

It took all of about two minutes for me to bore of my oohs and aahs over the book that I had zero interest in to begin with. But, well, he kept making small talk. And I’m thinking, ask me about my tube already. Isn’t this why you’re stalling? Just ask! Let’s get this over with! And of course, he finally did. And then he told me he was a therapist. And you know what went through my head? Oh shit. Yes. A curse word. On a Sunday no less!

So this was why he was here! He was concerned for me. He wanted to therapize me.
And me no likey.
So at this point, I can’t lie and give him the whole I have Chrone’s Disease or a malabsorptive disorder or cancer or whatever I usually say. Because he already knew I had anorexia. In fact, I’m sure he’d known for a long time. So I concede that yes, I do have an eating disorder, but that I’m fine! And great! And thanks for asking! He then tells me he works at a trauma center for people who have mostly been raped or abused, which led to an uncomfortable silence, because what am I supposed to say? Wow, that’s great stuff like that happens to people, cuz I guess it keeps you in business? That wouldn’t have gone over well.

So he just talked and talked, he stayed for probably nearly an hour. Asking what kind of therapy I had done and gone through, he said he had a few patients who struggled with ED’s, so this was helpful for him. But helpful for me? Eh. And then he asks me about my past, yada yada yada, and poor me kept looking at Bran to defend my honor or whatever, but he dutifully continued to stare at the kitchen table and pick dead skin off his hands.

So yeah. Suuuuuuuper interesting afternoon.

He’s even going to make me an imagery CD or something to listen to. Thanks. I think?

So, in conclusion my people: I’m not upset at him, because really, he was just concerned and wanted to help me. But I am a bit nervous that he’ll spread some pretty scintillating gossip around the ‘hood, but then I think, isn’t there some sort of patient/doctor confidentiality? I mean, obviously I’m not his patient, but he still needs to live by that ethical code, right, when it comes to stuff like this?

So yeah. Weird. But at least I got a free therapy sesh today. Ha.