15.5 Weeks

For documentation purposes, here is my giant baby belluh at 15.5 weeks.  Excuse the angry look I'm giving you - Bran took the shot without me knowing, and decided he didn't want or re-take one with  me actually looking like I don't hate you.  Whatevs!
 

Hey, Girl! Big Surprise!

I’d been planning the surprise for awhile. Bran and I decided we wanted to celebrate Valentine’s Day on the 15th, the day after, because 7 years ago that day was our first date, and wouldn’t it be fun to knock out both V’s Day and an anniversary in one go?

So, earlier that day, I went to an ultrasound to determine the baby’s gender that I had scheduled without his knowledge. I’d been squirreling away 5 bucks here, another few dollars there, so that he wouldn’t notice me pay a huge chunk out of the account at once, and thus, get tipped off to what I was doing. (Elective ultrasounds are a wee bit expennnssssiiiive.)

I was thrilled to find out I am having a girl. But, no surprise, right? I mentioned in my last post that I thought it was a girl. But, it was scrumtrulescent to have it confirmed. I was so excited to tell Brandon all day; in fact I didn’t even call him that day at work because I knew that if I called him, I might get too excited and wet my pants and blurt out the surprise.

So, instead, I made him a cake. The plan was for him to cut into the cake, see that the inside layer of the cake had pink frosting instead of blue, and deduce for himself that we were having a baby girl. Only, it didn’t work out that way. I had the cake on display, right for him to see the minute he walked in from work, but literally the minute he walked through the door, Cade said, “DADDY! Wanna know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Brandon looks at me, questioning, and I shrug. I had purposely NOT told Cade he was going to have a little sister because I knew his little 4 year old brain would get overly excited and ruin the surprise, (if Mama didn’t first) but I guess I forgot to give 4 year olds as much credit as they deserve, because he can sure eavesdrop on conversations I have no idea he’s listening to, so the kid knew what was up.

Then Cade says, “Daddy! I’m so excited; I’m going to have a baby BROTHER!” And I’m like, shaaaarrrrrt. The hell? The nearest thing I could figure out is that he wants a baby brother, so he must have just told him what he was hoping for. I didn’t really know what to do, so, wordlessly, I handed Brandon the envelope full of ultrasound pictures. Brandon was sure it was a boy, but then he saw the ultrasound pics that clearly show it’s a little girl, and he was overjoyed – and, well, SHOCKED. He whipped me in his arms and kissed me like we were in some epic, classic movie. It was fun! We went out to dinner and a movie to celebrate. We held hands and kissed and we’re so in love and it feels great.  I am overjoyed to be giving Cade and Kendall a sister.

Now, we just have to come up with names. Cade is insistent on either naming her Nala (from Lion King) or D.W. (from Arthur) or Jesse (from Toy Story). UNFORTUNATELY, those don’t make my list of top 3. :)

Boy <----or----> Girl

We're fast approaching the time that our spongy little Twinkie is finally going to reveal on the whole does it have a pee-pee or a vee-vee thing.  My gut tells me it is a girl, and my pregnancy thus far has almost implicitely mimicked Kendall's - that is, to say, I've been pukey and run over by a (theoretical) tractor trailer cuz I'm so tired, and have boobs, oh those tender breasts of fire...
Craving sour things like they're going out of bitnass here on the east side, and I cry.  A lot.
And while Pregnant with Cade, life was awesome.  No boobie aches, no bigger (and softer, for hellz sake!) bras, no real nausea, nothing.  It was way too simple a pregnancy because it wasn't overly fraught with extra estrogen (shriek!  the girrrrrly hormones) that are accosting me.

So, some (well, most) think and want this baby to be a girl, because it would be so poetic and beautiful if I were to have another daugher after just having lost one...
but I don't know if I quite yet buy into that fairy tale...

It could be a boy you know.  And we already have proof that I make remarkable ones.  Stellar ones that are goofy and laugh in their sleep and play imagination and eat edamame.

I'd be thrilled to have a boy.
I'd be happy to have a girl.
Either way, I'll be scared.
Either way, I just want this baby safe in my arms in 5 1/2 months time.

So, please, vote at the top of this blog on the poll I posted.  Just curious as to what others think.

Healthy Heart

I had an appointment with my OB today. It was such a sigh of relief, seeing that little heart beating beautifully away. Between getting in a car accident last week, and then being in the hospital this week for lung complications, I was very worried about my little bub’s health. But he/she’s a trooper, because it is strong and healthy and resilient, and for that, I’m hella grateful for.

I even, on the ultrasound this morning, got to see it move its little hand up to its mouth to suck their thumb. Oh my heart it was adorable! Here’s a pic that was taken today. It’s not great, I know, and in case you couldn’t tell (because I couldn’t) the head is on the left, and its torso is toward the right. That little black blob (although, curiously enough, shaped just like a heart) is the baby’s heart, getting strong.

Things are hard.

But I have so much to be grateful for.

I’m just taking things day at a time, and mostly coping by buying fashionable maternity clothes at this adorable (and expeennnnnssssive, sorry Brandon!) boutique. I’ve decided that looking cute and wearing designer clothing makes puking in a garbage can just that much easier. Seriously. :)

Also, mostly just so you can gasp in surprise at how big I am already, is a picture that was taken on Sunday, at 13 weeks. Me getting hefty! (I think by my 3rd pregnancy, my uterus decided to give up and like explode.) But – GROW BABY GROW! :)

A Special Stuffing

True love.

Well, we know it’s no secret that I love my cats. Especially Hairy, my mental kitten.

The other day I was ruminating on our love, and I remarked to Husband that when Hairy dies, if I don’t die from shock! and horror! and devastation! myself, that I’d like to get her stuffed. You know, like take her to a legit taxidermist and everything. And then I’ll have her posed in a very regal position, with her beautiful poofy fur all fluffed out, and set her on my coffee table for all to admire and pay homage to when they see her.

Paying homage.

Husband shivered.

Told me I was GROSS,

And
then told me that having her body around would only tempt her spirit to remain with us, and he won’t have that. He said that she’ll come back to haunt us, and could just picture going to bed one evening, with her perching on the coffee table, to waking up in the middle of the night, and realizing with horror that she is sitting at the foot of the bed, in her cold stuffed body, watching him with her glassy green eyes.
I thought that sounded WONDERFUL.
Husband did not. I theeeeenk he mentioned the D word (divorce) if I stuff her.
But…I don’t know…so…tempting…

Pregnancy Ups and Downs

Being pregnant again has been an insane rollercoaster ride. At one minute, I’m loving every second, exited like no other, and the next, I’m freaking out and wondering why the hell I decided to get on this ride again? I mean, I knew after everything that happened with Kendall, that being pregnant would be tough. Of course I knew this, but I T R U L Y didn’t know how hard it would be. I didn’t know that I’d cry all the time, wondering if my baby’s little heart was still fluttering away. I didn’t know that I’d have nightmares about losing my baby every night. I didn’t know that every time I had an ultrasound, I’d start to panic, terrified I’d see a baby that was just…gone, with their little life taken from me, again.

My OB tells me that for women who have had a traumatic fetal loss, that this is totally normal. She tells me that as I continue to approach the time period that I lost Kendall, things will get even harder than they are now – is that possible? – but she also says that as I pass the time that I lost Kendall, that my anxiety should start to decrease, which would be a welcome respite from all the adrenaline and Cortisol my poor body is having to deal with on a daily basis.

So, admittedly, this pregnancy has been hard. I’ve been more nauseous with this pregnancy than with my previous two, and I’ve also seemed far more er, weepy/emotional/sensitive/whathaveyou. Also, I have not gained any weight yet, which is a mild point of concern to my treatment team. In fact, I’ve lost a little. And, since I’m only 12 ½ weeks, it isn’t at the point where everyone needs to throw their hands up in the air and start freaking out and prying open my mouth and pouring copious amounts of Boost Plus into it, but still, it’s a little troubling to me – and, frankly, mystifying. Dis’ broad eats A LOT. Especially sour things. Baby likes sour things.

So, even though I’m a hot anxious train wreck waiting to happen, things are going relatively okay. I am surviving, and my baby is thriving. Fortunately I’m just about out of my first trimester, and I’m really hoping that the nausea can continue to decrease and that my BOOBS ‘O FIRE can stop, well, KILLING me with their sad soreness, and hopefully soon my anxiety can give my poor body a break and I can start actually laughing and smiling again, as opposed to either crying or retching into my garbage can.

Baby bump pics to come soon. :)

Holy Frickin' FINALLY!

Hello friends,

I am so, so thrilled to announce that I am pregnant!  Brandon and I have been trying for nearly a year with no success, and were actually getting ready to see a doc for infertility treatments, and, in just the nick of time, we got a miracle several weeks ago via a positive pregnancy test.

I am SICK.  All I do is barf and sleep and then wake up to feel sick again and then wish I could somehow sleep through this first trimester.  I am NOT complaining, but girlfriend over here forgot how taxing the first trimester truly is!

I went in for my first OB appt today, and all looked well.  I am 9 weeks along, and here's a picture of my perfect little jellybean.  He/she/it looked perfect and healthy and strong and had an excellent heart rate of 184.

Baby #3, 9 weeks along

Naturally, I am entirely scared out of my mind that I am going to lose this little bub, as I lost Kendall in November 2009.  However, I am just praying like crazy and eating lots of yummy nourishing food and taking care of myself and realizing that at this point, there's nothing else I can do but have faith and hope.  All of your prayers and good vibes would be appreciated, as I am usually an anxious mess, worrying about the health and welfare of my baby.

Big B and Lil C are very thrilled about our pending new arrival as well.  :)  Big B rubs and kisses my tummy every day, and Lil C is very excited for his new brother or sister, and is impatient that it can't just come out already.  Also, the other day he asked me if the baby was going to come out of my mouth, and I said YES, as I'm so not ready to have a vagina conversation with my 4 year old.  I mean seriously.

Hope you'll all join me in being as thrilled about this is as I am.  :D