Yesterday I kind of thought I was dead. I was THAT sick. I was so sick that I didn't send Cade to school, because the idea of mustering up enough energy to get him dressed and driven to school made me want to weep. So instead, I slept. A lot. Like 16 hours a lot.
Today I feel better. Not all better, but better, and I'll take it, as yesterday it felt like the entire universe was taking a giant dump on me. Today I still feel sick but not like I would like to promptly puke and then die. Baby steps.
So, the dietary thing. I think I've pinpointed my problem with dietary coinciding with my whole distaste for the idea of intuitive eating. I think it's a great "idea," but that's just it - it seems like only an idea to me - an elusive, ethereal "idea" - and not something that can actually be put into practice and work for me. I also have a bad taste in my mouth about intuitive eating because of some crap from the last treatment center I was at. So I told all this to my dietician, and we decided that I'm going to try one last time to do this intuitive eating thing, and I'm going to try to figure out what intuitive eating means for me, and not what it means for my last treatment center, or even for my therapist and dietician now, or even what some of my peers who are in recovery think intuitive eating is. I want to figure it out for myself. And I committed to my dietician that I would do it. So, today I went and bought the book. I had to buy a 2nd copy because my first copy may have been mysteriously vandalized, defaced, and thrown away...
I'm going to re-read the book with the idea that I'm going to give it a second chance, and hopefully understand it more with this new place in recovery I find myself in. I'm also going to highlight every part that I disagree with, and bring it in to my dietician so that we can talk about it and figure it out and work through it.
So, for now, I am still going to go to dietary every week. It may be because of this whole new looking at intuitive eating with Brand New Recovered Eyes, but it may also be because my therapist is demanding it. More or less.
Ahem. Man, my throat must have a frog in it... ;)
I hope you all have a great weekend. I'm going to spend time with friends and the fam, so that should be rad. Maybe I'll even brush Hairy's lustrous coat, if I'm lucky. And maybe if I'm even luckier, I'll feel 100% better. High hopes, I know, but a girl can dream...
Ciao, my precious kittens.