Friday, February 10, 2012

A Dietary Dilemma

Unsure of how to proceed with dietary.  I have been fully compliant and following my mealplan for a couple months now, and I've noticed that since I've been doing really well, I just really don't want to make my dietary appointments.  Last week I had to cancel my appointment because Mila had her 6 month well-child checkup, and then this week I did a phone session, because both my kids were sick.  And, confession: it was really nice not going.  I think my dietician is great; it has nothing to do with her, but it was still really nice to have one less appointment every week.

On the phone while talking to my dietician, she stressed that she thinks it's really important that I keep coming every week, because yes I'm compliant and doing well, but we have other things we could finally begin working on now that I'm at a stable weight and maintaining it, like intuitive eating.  And I was quite aggreable and told her sure, sure, but here's what I'm really thinking:

I feel like since I'm at a healthy weight and that I'm not engaging in eating disorder behaviors, then I must be "all better," and not need to go to dietary anymore.  With therapy, I can see all the ways that I'm still messed up all the way to next Thursday, so it makes keeping my therapy appointments easy because it makes sense, but with nutritional stuff, since I'm not engaging in the ED, then I must be just fine, right?

So I mentioned this all to my therapist today, and she agreed I was doing so much better, but she pointed out that I probably really don't want to follow a strict mealplan for the rest of my life, as that isn't normal, and my body image is in the gutter, and that's not really ideal, either.  All reasons that maybe I should continue going to dietary.

But I can't shake that "I'm fine I'm fine yadda yadda don't need it don't make me go" mentality.  It's making finding the motivation to make and keep my appointments really tough.

So, where should I go from here?  Any of you ever been in my boat?  What do you think?

PS - We're getting our family pictures tomorrow, so stay tuned for some fun pics to come.  :)


Katie said...

I remember when I was on a dietary plan and I felt in control to a certain degree because I just ate exactly what was on my plan. But then when I was supposed to start "intuitive" eating it really freaked me out because i thought "What if I just start eating and I can't stop?" Intuitive eating is still kinda hard for me, but I think it's eventually where you'll want to be so you don't have to always follow a meal plan. On second thought, everyone is different and you should do what feels right for you. Maybe you want to stick to your meal plan for right now and who knows in 6 months, you might feel like trying something new. All I know is you are doing so awesome so whatever you're doing must be working!

Alie said...

Any way you could drop down to one appointment a month? That way you free up your time a bit, but also get some support for working on the things you mention like body image and intuitive eating? Good luck!

Amanda P said...

I think you have struggled too long to really think that a few months of great success means you are done needing support or guidance. What you have accomplished so far is so great. I wouldn't remove key factors in that success just yet. :-)
But, as Alie said, maybe it doesn't have to be weekly. Maybe bi-weekly?

Anonymous said...

It's worth sticking it out. A few months isn't that long, especially in terms of the length of how long you've been sick. You don't lose anything by going, but you can quite possibly get a lot out of continuing to go.

po said...

I reckon if you feel like you are fine, give it a bit longer than you think is necessary, just in case. I never trust that I am ok after a few months of being ok. Because my mind just wants to be left alone to start playing its tricks again.

brie said...

you guys are all probably right - the general consensus seems to be that i should stick with it. i think i'm going to see if we can compromise, and i go bi-weekly, but still keep truckin.

Sia Jane said...

When I finally decided to recover, hospital admissions and weight restoration aside, I spent 2 solid years restoring weight and eating.
I then spent 6 years in therapy.
I was a healthy weight, not engaging in behaviours at all.
I used to be told by people; but you are well.
And yes I was.
I ate, I was happy, I had a life, but I needed to make sure I was actually fully getting through this so I never relapsed.
And I never have.
Recovery goes way beyond weight restoration and healthy eating, that is just the beginning.
The longer you go to therapy, engage, get beneath things, the easier it will be for you to free up your meal plan and not be so stuck on that.
But for now, you need that and you need the help.
Because in a few years, if something hits you hard, you need to know you have as many skills as possible so you don't resort to behaviours again <3