Friday, June 17, 2011

An Apology of Sorts

I’ve been thinking about my post that I wrote earlier this afternoon. I’ve been thinking that I feel a bit like a sulker and a whiner of the highest sort. I feel I am coming off as ungrateful, and only focusing on how fat I think I am and how miserable I am, rather than the good in this situation. Here I am, pregnant after eleven months of trying, and after the devastating loss of Kendall, and all I’m doing is complaining.

So, for the record, I just have to say…

I am so incredibly blessed to be carrying Avery. Every morning, when I wake up and look at my burgeoning belly, I literally thank God and marvel that she is still inside me and still healthy and still thriving.  Every time I think of the soft hair I'll feel when she comes out, and see those dark eyes, and maybe she'll have a dimple in her left cheek like her big brother...I smile in anticipation.  I cannot wait, Avery, until you are mine and you are safely in my arms.

Yes, I am miserable – physically, I am going through a lot of changes, and combine that with the steroids and the hormones, Mama’s a little unstable. BUT that doesn’t change the fact I’d go through all this over and over and over again, if I had to, to bring Avery into this world healthy and strong and safe.

So let it be known, that while I am a champion whiner, I am a grateful champion whiner. Avery, I love you.

9 comments:

agoraphob said...

Don't beat yourself up. You are doing amazing, much better than I would ever do!

Steroids are a killer. I've never been on them, but I am terrified thinking I might ever have to be. The mood changes, insomnia, etc...Would be hard to deal with in addition to the hormones.

Hang tough.

Kara said...

Just because you are grateful doesn't mean it isn't still effing HARD!!!!! You are going through a lot right now. Be grateful and be nice to yourself too. :)

battleinmind said...

Don't worry lovely, you can be grateful but finding things really hard. xxx

CG said...

I think you rock as a mom. Thanks so much for blogging through this and sharing what it is like for those of us yet to have the experience. (AND I'm so excited for you!!). Love, CG

Sarah @ Bearing, Eating, Being said...

I think it's good to let yourself complain so you're not carrying it all around inside of you. Pregnancy (like other major health changes) is hard!!

Kerri said...

Brie- EVERYONE is a whiner in the last stages of pregnancy. It's hard. It's miserable. It's painful. It just IS. With my Caden, I had massive horrible swelling in the last 3 months (I am talking 75 pounds of fluid in months and no one knew why!) and I was in severe pain just to walk. Plus it was summer... I was a miserable pain in the butt. That doesn't mean I wasn't happy to be growing him in there, or that I didn't appreciate that I could even BE pregnant. I did, but that doesn't mean it's easy. I think you are doing great- I bet you are totally underestimating just how hard those lung issues probably are on your body as well. I am guessing it is at least as taxing as what I went though, so honestly, I think you are doing just fine and I think it is perfectly acceptable to whinge if you feel like it!1 <3

Erin said...

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, friend. I think you're handling it better than I would if I were in your shoes. I haven't been pregnant but I think I'm one of those women that will just be miserable the entire time! Don't worry -- she's almost here! Time is flying.

brie said...

thanks, all for your support and love. means so much!!!

Penny said...

Beautiful post. I love that you can find the goodness and the beauty in every situation, plus the humor. Way to go. Love you.