Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Cheesy Tears, Periods, & a Little Poop

Been an emotional week for me friends.  Lots and lotsa crying.  I had one of those moments in therapy yesterday that left me feeling completely bereft and lonely and devastated - just really feeling the true depth of my low self-worth and goodness in this life and I just sobbed and sobbed, wishing I could be more. 

I've feared cries like those my whole life - you know, the kind of tears that are gut-wrenching and hurt as they leave you and leave you heaving for breath and wondering if the pain will ever end - but, inevitably, it always does.  And after the tears comes the release - the feeling of calm and maybe not necessarily  immediate "okay-ness" but knowing that eventually, in the end, everything is going to be alright.  And I'm learning that running from the tears doesn't make everything okay, and it doesn't make the pain disappear, but allowing yourself the honor to feel those emotions and giving yourself a chance to actually feel and not be some lifeless, perfect robot is what is real and beautiful in this life.  I'm learning this.  It's painful but it's also breathtaking and awe inspiring.  :)  (Did I really just say it was an "honor" to cry?  What am I turning into my mother?  I.NEED.HELP.)

So away from the gushy emotional stuff, and on to a funny story:
So my sister M was telling us a story of how one of her neighbors, upon hearing that her daughter had started the P word, (read: menstruation) to celebrate with her daughter, (and incidentally I'm sure HORRIFY her) she took her to a clothing store and told her she could buy a RED outfit - you know, like, in honor of bleeding? (Stay with me people, this is a TRUE STORY.)  I was eating dinner when I heard this story, and I was like, "I'm ssssssssso not hungry anymore," and then the Husband was like, "Man, that's horrible.  That would be like my dad taking me to buy the tallest hat he could find after I told him I had my first boner."
BAHAHAHA
That is why I love my man.

What else?  Went to the gardens at Thanksgiving Pointe today.  It was lovely.  Whit pulled the mini-man in a wagon and I pushed Baby Penny (I nanny twice a week) and it was all grand and a smashin' good time until my kid diarrhea-d in his PANTS.  Like this liquid green goo was all over and I had to throw his Lightning Mcqeen underpants in the garbage and YES he's currently going commando and I had to wipe smelly crap off his thighs and squishy little butt and my pits and boobies were sweatin' and I was like IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.  Being a mom is awesome.

Had a really fun weekend with Bananas - she came to visit me allllll the way from CA.  We ate and got pedi's and ate and painted pottery (mine looks like CRAP) and ate some more and laughed a lot and had a really really grand time.  :)  It was so awesome of her to come out just to visit lil' old me.

Not much else going on.  Just wuv you guys.
Kisses.

10 comments:

Brandon said...

For the record I said erection, I would never use a word so vile and disgusting as boner!
Whatever, there are lots of words for it and I don't have a problem with any of them.

brie said...

really? you said erection?? how very scientific of you! haha.

Shannon said...

lol. You guys are funny. Also that whole celebrating the big P with a new red outfit is a disturbing tradition. Remind me NOT to do that with my daughter.

Sorry about the poop mess. That's probably my least favorite thing EVER about potty training/being a mom is cleaning up the poop accidents. Gross. It's even worse when you have to do it in a public place.

Cammy said...

Oh wow. Tons of respect to the moms out there...

And I know crying can be rough and almost scary at times, the vulnerability and kind of overwhelmedness of it...but I also think it's indicative of major progress on your part, Brie, kudos to you although I hate that you were sad and lonely. Glad you were able to let it out and feel relieved in the end, though. I think I've cried more in the last year than I did for the previous 10 years of my ED combined, it has been strange but liberating at the same time...

Glad you had a fun weekend! You (both of you) deserve it!

Penny said...

I consider it an HONOR to be mentioned at all in your Blog. As your Mother I can say that crying is not over rated. It is good and maybe even a blessing to be able to cry for ones self. It truly shows the progress you are making to be able to feel for yourself and not numb yourself. I cry when I think of my failings too. I wish that we could cry to celebrate how far we have come and that would be a big cry for me, Brie as you are making so much progress. It is not too late. Take a big breath and keep going. If it takes more tears that is ok. Our roads to wellness are wet with our tears of grief and what never was, and all of our good intentions, but soon the path dries out and the way forward is worth it and more clear. I love you so much,
Mom

Eating Alone said...

Well I have a hard enough time scooping out the litter box so I'm going to go home and visit my moma and give her a big hug and kiss. In honor of you and mom's every where!

Alexandra Rising said...

B- I think when your mom writes to you it makes me want to cry! So touching!

Angela said...

Your mom is very wise! I run from tears too. My therapist is always telling me that tears cleanse the soul. I need to take her advice and give it a go:)
I loved your funny story, and laughed out loud, which I rarely do while reading. Thanks for that!

Kerri said...

hahaha- oh how I loved this post. Your family is so funny... messy poo stories and boner hats and all, lol.

Katannah said...

This post is SO full of win. In my usual way of taking a metaphor way too far, I thought how like menstruation working through the heartache can be - it's messy, crampy, and for me, both involve tears and chocolate. I will, however, draw the line at red outfits. Love you, lady.