I have thought and thought about writing a blog post, but I haven't known exactly what to say, and what to keep quiet, and how to deal with all of this.
So instead, I've just withdrawn into my little Brie shell.
My life is in complete and utter turmoil right now. This past week I have vacillated between being a sobbing mess to being a robot in a haze that doesn't register or feel anything.
And I haven't even known if I've wanted to blog about it, because truthfully I am not yet ready to share details. I don't know if I'll ever feel ready. I don't even know what to say, and if I even wanted to say it, how would I begin?
So instead I sit here, feeling miserable and sad and lost, and not knowing how to cope or what to do.
I am functioning okay. I am waking up in the morning and feeding the kids and cleaning my house and cooking dinner like a good mother should. I am loving being in the new house, but that is about the only good thing I've got going for me right now. I honestly think I am in shock about how the past few days have turned out. One week ago, I didn't see any of this on the horizon, and it's like...how can FOUR days completely change your life?
It baffles me. And it scares me.
I am scared.
I am sad.
I am unsure of the decisions I have made, and if they are right or not.
I hope one day I can share more with you. I hope I will feel safe enough and comfortable enough to share it with you, but right now it is too new and too raw.
I wish Blogxygen was what it used to be. When I blogged every day and had oodles of support and had fun with my blog. When was the last time I had fun with Blogxygen? When was the last time I giggled while I posted and made you all laugh? What has happened to me? To Blogxygen?
I guess I'm disappointed in the way this has all turned out. I feel like I've let you all down, and the hundreds of readers I used to have that no longer are able to read because I had to make Blogxygen private.
Everything about my life is private now. I share nothing, with anyone. And while I felt this was a necessary measure to keep my family safe, I am lonely. I am sad.
I've thought about reaching out to a few of you via email or texting, and maybe I will. I don't know. I could really use a friend right now.
Sorry this blog was all over the place. Just trying to get some of this out.
Bye for now.