Mila Growing Up

I caught this one minute video of Mila walking and talking (she says Ma Ma and Da Da) and even waving goodbye.  It is adorable, and in it she wants to show all of you how grown up she is!  Crazy.  Love my baby.

The Official House Pic

I know, I know, I've been in the house three weeksies and I haven't posted any pics.  I'm surprised you haven't been hounding me, honestly.  ;)

I don't have any interior photos to post, because while all the curtains are up, and the furniture is in, our walls are woefully bare, and I want to post pics of each room as they become completely finished.  If this takes 5 gajillion years, well, then, maybe you'll have to wait!  Wall art is expensive and we have so many other expenses right now that are taking priority over that.  Kind of sad, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

So, at least, dear friends, I give you pictures of the exterior of the home.  Obviously we have no yard yet, but maybe dirt is the new grass?   What do you think of the color palette I ended up going with?  It's pretty bold and daring...but hey...isn't that me?!  :)

Overall I LOVE the way it turned out.  I am happy and proud to call this my home.  :)

Finding a Routine

Thanks for all the kindness and concern for me lately, guys.  I am doing better.  Much better, actually, and I'll leave it at that for now.

The following pictures are all of my cats in various poses of weirdness in my bathroom.  They are OBSESSED with my bathroom, especially Hairy.  If I ever am wondering where they are, well, I go into my bathroom, and there they are, lounging in the sink or by the sink or on the counter.  It's rather odd. 

And for some reason it makes me laugh like crazy, only I'm not laughing at times like today when I'm actually cleaning my bathroom and am mopping up a ridiculous amount of cat hair.  Geezy.

Anyway.

Things at the new house are finally starting to settle in, and we are getting into a routine.  We wake the kids up at about 8, get Cade ready for school, feed the kids breakfast, then it's off to work for Brandon and I'm off to take Cade to school.  And then while he's there, I clean the house and (hopefully blog) and also watch Criminal Minds if I can squeeze time for an episode in.  :)  And then I plan dinner, worry about the yucky, pre-cooked creepy meat I'm going to have to touch, do it anyway, and then...pick Cade up from school.  :)  And then we run some errands and chill at the house the rest of the day until Daddy comes home from work.

I think the above photo was my favorite.  It was pitch black int he bathroom, and Hairy was just pondering the loveliness of the sink.  Brandon saw her, looked at her, then said, "That's where we're going to put her when we stuff her."  Heh.

Thrown in there on some days are Cade going to his karate classes that he just started, (he goes 4 times a week and it is ADORABLE) driving 40 minutes back to SLC to hang out with friends or sisters or go to work or doc appointments, and, well, I'm staying pretty busy!

I'm also trying my hand a bit at baking, which I've never EVER done before.  So far I can check chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter bars off the list.  Pretty simple, right?  Next, this afternoon I'm tackling banana bread, which I'm nervous for, because I've never EVEN EVER attempted it.  Oh well, we'll see if I have a baker in me...

Anyway.  What I'm trying to say is that in general, right now, things are good.  I am feeling more settled and more at "home" in my new home.  I am starting to get a bit happier.  I am settling well into my role as a mama and housewife that cleans and cooks like crazy, which I never did before, unfortunately.  So, I feel good.  :)

I'm going to try to set aside time every morning to blog, so I am hoping that more regular, "Brie-like" posts will be coming back soon, that are filled with humor and randomosity.  I think regular blogging will help me feel better too; more like myself.

Love ya'll.

Mila's One Year Stats

Mila went to the doctor today for her 12 month well-child checkup.

She came in at 35th percentile for height, about the same for head size, and is still at a WHOPPING 5th percentile for weight.  At one year old, she weighs 17 pounds.

She's just tiny.  How I made a tiny child, I have no idea, but the doc reassured me several times to not worry, as she is following her own growth curve, so I'm going to just give up and keep stuffing her full of food.

The doc thought it was quite interesting that she didn't have any teeth yet, but told me not to worry quite yet.  When she comes in for her next checkup, if she still doesn't have any teeth, then we'll have to go to a pediatric dentist to make sure she actually HAS them, as apprently some kids are, like, BORN WITHOUT TEETH.  If my child has to gum her way through this life, I will FREAK OUT.

So please, please, send teeth sprouting vibes her way!

I'm not worried...not really...not yet, but c'mon Mila, make some teeth!  I know you are busy growing and walking and learning to talk, but teeth are kind of important, so get on it!

Miss 12 and 13 Months!

I realized I never blogged about Mila's first birthday and 12 month milestones - I was so crazy busy with the house closing and moving; I feel so bad that I forgot!  Well, not really forgot - just had so many other things to do.  :(

Mila turned 13 months today, and she is getting so big and beautiful and hilarious.  A few things about her:

Mila is walking!  I can't believe how fast she did it - she started practicing her walk right at around a year, and by her 13th month she is walking about 90% of the time and loves it.  She still looks like a drunk robot when she walks, and has a wide stance and walks with her arms out, for balance, but she is getting so much better at actually staying upright.  She is walking FAST too, and I wonder where she needs to get in such a hurry!  She is a sweet little busybody.

Mila still has no teeth.  It's funny, because she's still really small for her age, (I'll have 12 month stats in two days when she goes for her checkup) and she has no teeth, so people always assume she's about 6 months or so.  When I correct people and tell them she's actually one, and is walking, nobody can believe it!  I think teeth will be coming in soon, but really, nothing on the horizon yet.  It's sad though because she loves to eat, and I know once her teeth come in she'll love it even more, as now she still has to really sit and gum it around.

Mila is completely off baby food, and eats real human food all the time.  Her favorites are toast with butter, scrambled eggs, cheese, and grapes.  She'll pretty much eat anything we put in front of her though, which is nice to not have a picky child.

Mila is completely sleeping through the night.  We've been at the new house for almost 3 weeks, and in that time, never once have Brandon or I had to go into her bedroom in the middle of the night to give her a bottle - it is SO NICE.  She goes to sleep around 8, and wakes up at 8, with a 2-3 hour nap thrown in the afternoon.  She is sleeping so much better than Cade did at this age, which is fantastic.  I love my sleep and getting enough makes me a much more patient mama during the day!

Mila can say and understand the words "ba ba," "ma ma," and "da da."  She has also once said "kitty" and I'll often point to pictures of Jesus, and now she'll say the very end of his name, "sus."  Kind of sounds like "zussss."  :)  Very cute though.  :)

Mila LOVES her big brother, which is a huge understatement.  She follows him around every where and always wants to be doing what he is doing.  She lights up when he walks in the room and I love how much they love each other. 

Mila still has the bluest eyes in the world and dimples to die for.  She is a petite little thing, but she is strong and healthy.  I love her so much and am so happy she is mine.  Love you little 13 monther!!

Turmoil

I have thought and thought about writing a blog post, but I haven't known exactly what to say, and what to keep quiet, and how to deal with all of this.

So instead, I've just withdrawn into my little Brie shell.

My life is in complete and utter turmoil right now.  This past week I have vacillated between being a sobbing mess to being a robot in a haze that doesn't register or feel anything.

And I haven't even known if I've wanted to blog about it, because truthfully I am not yet ready to share details.  I don't know if I'll ever feel ready.  I don't even know what to say, and if I even wanted to say it, how would I begin?

So instead I sit here, feeling miserable and sad and lost, and not knowing how to cope or what to do.

I am functioning okay.  I am waking up in the morning and feeding the kids and cleaning my house and cooking dinner like a good mother should.  I am loving being in the new house, but that is about the only good thing I've got going for me right now.  I honestly think I am in shock about how the past few days have turned out.  One week ago, I didn't see any of this on the horizon, and it's like...how can FOUR days completely change your life? 

It baffles me.  And it scares me.
I am scared.
I am sad.
I am unsure of the decisions I have made, and if they are right or not.

I hope one day I can share more with you.  I hope I will feel safe enough and comfortable enough to share it with you, but right now it is too new and too raw.

I wish Blogxygen was what it used to be.  When I blogged every day and had oodles of support and had fun with my blog.  When was the last time I had fun with Blogxygen?  When was the last time I giggled while I posted and made you all laugh?  What has happened to me?  To Blogxygen?

I guess I'm disappointed in the way this has all turned out.  I feel like I've let you all down, and the hundreds of readers I used to have that no longer are able to read because I had to make Blogxygen private.

Everything about my life is private now.  I share nothing, with anyone.  And while I felt this was a necessary measure to keep my family safe, I am lonely.  I am sad.

I've thought about reaching out to a few of you via email or texting, and maybe I will.  I don't know.  I could really use a friend right now.

Sorry this blog was all over the place.  Just trying to get some of this out.

Bye for now.

I'm Baaaaaaack!

I'm back!  We moved!  Oh don't worry, I'm only typing this in the loft of my brand new house.  :D

We finally got the internet, so I am sitting down to do a quick post.  I have so much cleaning and unpacking and organizing to do, so a full and more cohesive post about the move to come, but I thought I'd share some pics with you that I've taken over the last few days.

Missed you!  Glad I am back!

Very first pic ever taken in the new house.  I was sick with the flu and Cade was an unwilling picture partner.  The best we could do that first night!

Transporting Bobbi and Hairy on the 45 minute drive to the new house was TERRIBLE.  Mila was sick with the flu and had a double ear infection so she was in the backseat wailing the entire time, and then Bobbi was howling, and Hairy was having a panic attack.  I LITERALLY thought she was going to have an anxiety-induced heart attack and I was freaking out and chanting C'MON HAIRY YOU CAN DO IT MOMMY LOVES YOU BE BRAVE WE'RE ALMOST THERE for 45 minutes straight.  These cats are never going anywhere again!  Ever!  And for my sake as much as theirs!

Apparently we had a visitor to the new house.  That is a spider, and the picture doesn't do it justice, but it was literally the biggest spider I've ever seen that wasn't a tarantula.  It was thick and crunchy and I promise I am not lying, YOU COULD SEE ITS FANGS.  Brandon stabbed it like 20 times with a screw driver to kill it, and screamed like a woman the entire time.  And he actually had nightmares about it that night!  Geez that husband of mine.  ;)

Bobbi and Hairy exploring the new pad...

Getting into every nook and cranny...

So, eating is exhausting.  Who can blame a kid?

Bobbi is right at home in the new pad, as you can tell.  She also likes my popcorn.

Tonight we went on our first walk in the new neighborhood.  It was beautiful and so much fun!

Cade and Mila swinging...

Mila's first time on a swing.  She giggled the entire time; it was adorable.

Daddy and Cade havin' fun on the swing...

Love these two.

Taken with Hipstamatic, hence the green hue.  It looks like she ate grass or something icky!

She literally nose-dived into a chocolate donut today.  As you can tell, I'm not even kidding.  :)

So I am happy.  Exhausted and tired but full of adrenaline from all this moving drama.  In my next post I will regale you with woes on closing and all the drama that ensued - it was a nightmare and almost gave me a heart attack.  Lots of tears and panic attacks, seriously.  But all is well now.  :)  It feels so surreal though...Brandon and I keep remarking to each other that we feel like we're on vacation, and that soon we're going to have to go back to the basement apartment, like this was all a dream or something.  Living in this big and beautiful and immaculate house is so insane and surreal...but we love it!

More to come; I'm going to take pics of the house as soon as I get everything in and organized and decorated.  :)

Golden Girl

Mila was all decked out in her gold tank, glittery gold headband, and sparkly gold TOMS.  She looks so old here, like she's waiting for her first date to come pick her up!  Time to bring out the guns and the xanax.  Mommy and Daddy can't handle her getting any bigger or cuter!!  ;D

Reflecting

I am blogging from my phone while sitting at work, watching the little adolescent chickies sleep.

I just wanted to take a second to reflect on the good. My last few posts have been sad and negative. And that's not me. Yes, I feel that way sometimes, but inherently, that's just not me.

So, here are a few things that are good in my life:

1. Being able to celebrate Cade and Mila's birthday. A separate post to come, but it was so much fun.

2. Boost Plus. Because you know what? It's helping me gain weight, and that's a gooood thing! Tastes like a half melted milkshake going down though; über thick. :(

3. Our house! It is hard to be excited sometimes that we are moving because right now there is so much stress and drama surrounding it, but when this is all over, it's going to be amazing and all this will have totally been worth it. Last night we bought furniture for the living room and master retreat, and it's going to look good. :) Next up? A sofa and bedroom furniture! We are hoping to move in by next week. And I'd love your prayers and/or good vibes that this can happen.

So that's that. :) Wanted to start off my morning with a happy post. Hope this works from my phone! Loves y'all.

Not sure how to post pics from my phone, so this'll be an experiment...

Moving Mania

Hello friends.

I know I have been a terrible blogger lately, and I apologize.  I am waaaay behind on reading and commenting on blogs, and Blogxygen has also been really neglected lately.  I guess that's what two kids, a new job, and moving into a new house will do to you.  On a scale of 1-10, my stress level is at a 27.  I am having a hard time coping.

So I'm going to give you all a bit of an update on what's been happening, with some random pics that have been taken over the course of the week thrown in there, just to spice things up.  :)

Photo - Blowing bubbles with Mila...

I am BEYOND stressed with house stuff.  They say that moving is like one of the top 3 most stressful things you ever go through, and I never got it.  But now I do.  I am excited to move into this beautiful new home, don't get me wrong, but I am also phenomenally stressed with stupid loan stuff, and moving into a new city where I know no one and am not familiar with the environment.  I've lived in the area I'm currently at all my life, so moving even 40 minutes away is waaaaay out of my comfort zone, and, quite simply, I am scared.

Photo - Just comparing my kids at one year old - they look SOOOO alike to me!  Look at those eyes.

We are most likely moving next weekend (stupid &%!# loan stuff got in the way of our original move in date of July 30th) so I still have a week to pack up the house and get my crap together.  I think that as soon as we actually get in the house, things will calm down and be so much easier.  But I am scared and stressed when everything is new and up in the air.  Not coping well with it.

I'm in a major funk lately.  It is hard for me to want to get out of bed.  It is hard for me to smile throughout the day and do energetic things with the kids.  It is hard for me to want to do anything productive; all I want to do is lie down and bury my face in my cats and cry.  But, I am a mom, and I have two little kiddos relying on me, so I can't do that.

Photo - Daddy kisses.

In good news, I am lovvvvviiing me some Olympics!  Cade informed me that his favorite Olympic event is "gymchapsticks."  Goofy kid.  :)

Eating disorder stuff is...meh...going okay.  I am slowly gaining weight.  I saw my dietician yesterday and while I gained, she was disappointed in the number - she was hoping I would have gained more.  That bummed me out because you know I'm really trying, and I think ANY gain is good, but she wasn't pleased.  I feel physically ill ALL the time because of how much I am eating and how many Boost Pluses I am chugging every day.  So I'll get there.  I feel fat and wrong and disgusting and bad, but I'm doing it for my kids.  For Cade and Mila.  For me, because I deserve more than this.

Photo - Mila in the wildflowers.  I am going to blow this up huge and hang it in the new house.  Her beauty takes my breath away.

I still have two posts that need to get up - Mila's first birthday, and my birthday and seeing "Wicked" - I will try to get them up before next week when we move.  So stay tuned!

Photo - Last night the fam hiked Albion Basin to see all the wildflowers.  It was beautiful and nice to spend some time with my kids and hubby, without worrying or talking about the house...

Thanks for all your love and support.  You are rad.