Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Living Down a Bad Reputation

Sucks when you can't live down a bad reputation.  I know that I used to be this really sick and really difficult person to work with, back when the anorexia had a hold of me.  But now, I can honestly say I've changed.  I've maintained a healthy weight for over a year now, and I follow recommendations from my treatment team and really I'm quite amiable and pleasant to work with.  I am NOT an obstinate brat anymore.  I have changed so much, and honestly, I'd give ANYTHING for an eating disorder therapist (just one!) in the state of Utah to NOT know my name and have some nasty and old and tired pre-concieved notions of me.

I've changed, but do people even see that?

So, for those of you that think you know me, but don't?  Either give yourself a chance to know the real me, and stop judging, or get the hell away from me.  I mean it.

Okay.  Vent over.

11 comments:

allegri said...

oy. I am sorry lovie. ):

crazykenz said...

I've never actually met you... but I can honestly say that I think you are an amazing person! And your kids are freaking adorable. :)

Kendra said...

I have never met you in person, but I can honestly say that I think you are amazing... And your kids are freaking adorable. :)

alriggells said...

Amen sista. I am sorry that people have put that stigma onto you. I miss you girly. You rock and I love you.

agoraphob said...

dang, you ok? LUNCH SOON...

Michelle said...

You're an amazing person and fantastic mum! I agree with everyone else. If people chose to judge ya, it's their loss. You've grown and you should be 100% proud of yourself.

HUGE HUG!! :)

Manda said...

Totally, totally agree.... If we can not hold on to it (eating disorder/depression/BPD/anything like that), why do other people???

lisalisa said...

I feel the same way (about therapists/tx centers in Iowa). I know it sucks, but sometimes you have to settle for knowing that you have changed, even if other people haven't figured it out yet. It's hard, though. I am one of those people who can't stand knowing that someone out there has a negtive and untrue idea of who I am. I have this fantasy of bursting onto the EDU at U of I hospitals and yelling "SEE, I HAVE RECOVERED!!! I AM NOT A CHRONIC CASE!!! YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT ME!". Oh yeah, and "EEEEEEEFFFFFF YOUUUUUUU!!!". But I am guessing I wouldn't change anybody's mind.

I wonder if some therapists are threatened by seeing that you have made progress and are recovering under someone else's care. Maybe by saying "meh, it's only a matter of time before she relapses" or some crap like that, they feel better about the fact that they weren't able to help you.

XOLisa

Erin said...

It's hard when people place us in molds and refuse to let us break free of them. It drives me crazy! Even my treatment team has been guilty of doing this to me from time to time, even though they're generally easier to change than the average person. Happened with my ex, is happening with my sister now, has happened at work, has happened with friends... It's hard when you change and others hold on to the past.

Shanllleigh said...

I only know you through this blog but I think you seem like a cool girl and someone I could definitely see myself being friends with. I am sorry people are being so judgmental. I hate that. :(

Keely said...

I hear ya. I remember how much it hurt when I was called a "liability."

:(

It sucks that it takes 10 times more effort to prove what a changed and good person you are.

But I know you are a changed, intelligent, and strong young lady.

(hug)