Been addicted to perusing through past entries of my blog - I can't stop - it's like crack, but it doesn't kill brain cells and it's not against the WoW. I need to stop, though, because I used to be really skinny and really funny and witty and I seem to be none of those things anymore. Kindasorta depressing. I just don't have the time to blog like I used to - being a mommy right now is more than a full-time job - but I seriously miss the comments and the hilarity and the fulfillment I got from Blogxygen.
I kind of wonder what is going to fulfill me. I LOVE being a mom and wouldn't trade it for anything, but I don't seem to be satisfied with cleaning the house and pretending to cook when it's only a grilled cheese and canned tomato soup, and I'm not really content with playgroups and kindergarten reports on Abraham Lincoln. I'll do all these things and am glad to do them, but I need more.
I think I'm going to go back to school. I think pursuing my education can make me feel content and give me some self-esteem. I can either pursue my passion, writing, or I can go into a more practical field, like Social Work. I think I would love either of those things. And, why can't I have both? I think being raised in an LDS culture, we are always told to get married fast (did that) and then hurryhurryhurry, mulitply and replenish the earth!! (did that) and like I said, no regrets, I love my familiy, but I need more. I need more of an identity than just "Mom." As I'm getting rid of the ED, I need to find myself and find out who I really am without that super skinny, cool and untouchable model persona. I mean, what else am I? What else could I do and accomplish?
So, this probably can't happen right away - Brandon finishes school in just 9 short months, and it'll probably have to wait til he graduates, but I need to think seriously about this - I need to make it happen. I think I'm meant to do some pretty cool things in this life, and I think having my degree will make that easier and more of a possibility. What do you think?