Friday, October 14, 2011

Big Updatage

So remember when I was all jazzed to start running again?  Well, my treatment team talked, and they are allowing me to run only 3 miles a week.  Not 3 miles a day, like I originally thought she meant to say.  They think running used to be too much a part of my eating disorder, so they want me to start slow.  Which is fair.  But really, 3 miles A  WEEK?  I can't decide if I should try to spread out the love, or if I should just run 3 miles in one day then have a week off?  Despite how frustrated I feel about this, I have decided that I'm going to trust my treatment team and not do more than they approve.  I mean, they've gotten me this far in my recovery, which is farther than I've ever gotten before, so obviously, whatever approach they are taking with me is working, so I might as well commit to it.  But yes, I'll admit, a teensy tinsy itty bitty part of me wants to run as much as I want and then lie about it.  It'd be so easy to.   Cake, really, but I'm not going to do it.  My hope is that in a few weeks I can run more, I just need to show them that I can eat enough food to compensate for the calories I burn and not abuse this "privilige" that they've given me.

Other than that, not a ton is happening.  Mila is growing bigger and I am just smitten with her.  She is beautiful and I love being her mama.  I have to say though, she is not an easy baby - she's pretty high-maintenance, and while I understand that pretty much the definition of newborn = high-maintenance, I think she's taken it to a whole new level.  She's fussy a lot of the time and is pretty much always demanding attention.  I can't easily put her in her swing or let her just chill on the ground; it doesn't last long.  It's really tiring.  I wish I knew how to get her to just chill out and let me get some things done.  Even as I'm typing this, she's yelling at me and telling me to get a grip and PICK HER UP.  Sigh.

Pretty sure Miss M looks quite dashing in lime green.

Big smiles!

I'm a wittle glum.  Nothing big, just feel a bit down.  My doc prescribed me Wellbutrin for the PPD, but I'm not entirely sure how well it's working - truthfully I don't feel much different, but I'm on the lowest dose, so maybe going a bit higher will help, who knows.  I was hoping the running would help with the anxiety and depression, but I'm not sure how effective 3 miles worth of endorphins can be?  Hmmmm.

In Cade news, he's doing great - he hasn't had a bad kindergarten day in weeks.  He seems to be doing well and acclimating to school just fine, which is such a relief for me.  We have a therapist for him, who we all affectionately refer to as Dr. Sillypants, and some days I'm so sure he needs the therapy (to help with his anxiety) and then there are other days when I don't think he needs it.  So I guess the jury's still out on that one.  I just want to be a good mommy and help my son in any way that he needs, and if seeing someone will help, then I'm all for it.

Hope you all have a scrumtrulescent weekend.  Tonight we're going to a carnival at Cade's school, and then tomorrow we are going Halloween costume shopping.  Nothing too scandalous, but it should be fun anyway.  Bye lovers!


Cammy said...

Mila is an absolutely beautiful baby, wow.

I have a ton of respect for your attitude towards your team regarding the mileage limit. It definitely seems frustrating, but major kudos for realizing that they have your best interests in mind with their recommendations.

Woot for Cade being a champ at kindergarten! You really are an awesome mom.

Do you think that doing the run all at once would make it easier for you to push for long and longer distances at a time once you're okayed for more exercise, and if that might be a bit of a slippery situation? I'm probably way over-psychologizing that and it may be entirely off base, but just thought I'd toss it out there.

Sorry you've been feeling down, I hope things pick up for you soon. Maybe if you can break your run into two or three times a week segments the endorphins really will be a help (not that once a week won't be any help). If you ever need to talk always feel free to text/email/whatever!

Missy said...

You are just as beautiful as Mila, did you know that? In every way.

Think about that next time you are loving on her.

Unsolicited advice? I would say spread it out....1 mile 3 times a week or less. You want to spread out the endorphins and also? Start low so you can be prepared when you start to hear the red flags if any should pop up (if you know what I mean).

I am shocked by the Wellbutrin scrip -- as it is a known contra-indicated for ED sufferers. I swear I couldn't pay a Dr. to prescribe me it. I trust your team and Docs and not judging but, wow!

And whatever. You are strong and beautiful and wonderous and thank you so much for sharing with us. (0:

And remember...all that you love in Mila and Cade? are so ALL THAT.

Tia said...

good luck with the running and yay for you not taking the unhealthy way and lying about it. you will get there, 3 miles/day, you will!

cade is such a handsome little man. he is simply adorable and OMG he is going to be heartbreaker!!! even at this age!

Sheyenne said...

Gia was not an easy baby either... I think the "easy baby" is a myth... made up by some mother who felt inferior, just to make other moms feel inferior. The newborn stage is tough, as you well know. Hang in there friend. It gets better. But doesn;t her cuteness help tremendously? She is adorable!

brie said...

thank you all for your comments - every one of them brightened my day. sometimes i am awed at how much people care about me, so thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

So, I can't help but comment because my blogger still won't allow me to remove your blog from the blogs I'm following. I only read the begining of this blog and to be honest couldn't continue. Haven't you had enough?....of having a treatment team control your life? I mean, some support is ok I guess...but therapy and nutritional support...after all these years? Why more? Just go run. If that is what your heart desires. Running is healthy. (eat too, of course) But run daily if that is what you want. You are an adult.

brie said...

kate, i ignored your first bitchy comment on my blog, but i won't ignore another.

if you dislike me so much and don't agree with what i am doing, then WHY ARE YOU READING MY BLOG? you're not 5, it's not that hard to figure out how to stop following me. SO DO IT.

you may not agree with the fact that i'm actually following my treatment team, but i don't care - it's working for me, so why do you criticize that? i don't criticize how anti-treatment you are.

so. leave me alone.

Erin said...


And if you're still too stupid to figure it out, I'll write out step-by-step instructions a toddler could follow so you can stop being an obnoxious bitch on Brie's blog already. If you don't like it, don't read it. End of story.

(P.S. it takes an average of 7 years of treatment AFTER you begin true recovery from an eating disorder. Quit judging.)

Erin said...

I wish my parents had sent me to a therapist when I was really young to help with my anxiety and self-confidence issues. I might have avoided a lot of problems as a teen & adult. Good for you for doing that for Cade.

Erin said...

Hey Kate,

Follow the instructions and go away.



a.) Good for you for not deleting Kate's comment. I went to her blog after I finished reading her totally pathetic and rude comment to you- and it seems as though she could use a little treatment team advice / regulation herself (just by looking at the content of what she has written about the last few posts on her blog).

b.)Like Erin states, on average, it takes at least 7 years to fully recover from an eating disorder, after one totally commits his or herself to the process... So... I am super proud of you for doing what you need to do for yourself and not let nasty people like Kate (who seems like she could learn a thing or two to overcome her own ED symptoms) derail you.

3.) Your kiddo is so cute! I loooovvveeee her little cheeks!!!

4.)Keep up the good job at being the amazing you that you are!


On a different note- you could always ease into the running thing- and just walk a 1/2 mile a day and that way you can break it into 6 days. I know for me, any amount of even just walking can make me feel mentally better. :)

Good luck! And keep going!

brie said...

erin and leticia, thanks so much for your comments and support. i just deleted kate as a follower of mine, so hopefully she'll leave me alone. good grief.

Jacqui said...

Brie. I don't understand why people are so mean. This post was wonderful and honest.

On another note, if I was given the option, I would spread out the running unless I predict a crazy week ahead in which case I'd try to get it all done at once.

Also, your kiddies are absolutely adorable! Mila looks like a little doll, too cute!

Colleen said...

Hi Brie;
I have been reading your blog for a while now, and just wanted to finally comment, because Kate's comment was so obnoxious and uncalled for.
I think your writing is amazing and you inspire a lot of people.
Keeping up with treatment is a LOT harder than being sick, in a lot of ways. I'm sure some people don't agree with that, but it's my opinion. Your dedication to recovery is evident in your writing and your love for your family.
You rock. Don't forget that :)

Anonymous said...

don't you work for an insurance company, brie?

Erin said...

Kate, are you stalking Brie or something? And why do you keep commenting??

Anonymous said...

threatening a lawsuit....i would stop talking....

Whit said...

I typically bite my tongue to avoid confrontation, but I do have something to say. Brie, you have worked your tail off the last couple of years. It has taken so much time and effort to get where you are today. I trust that you won't let others comments bring you down but I really want you to commit that you won't. You are doing what works for you. Who cares how much therapy it takes. You have to keep yourself well so that you can take care of your beautiful family. I love you!

emo said...

Love the cute outfits Mila is always wearing! She is changing so much!