Monday, September 5, 2011

Still Uneasy Uneasy Lemon Squeezy

I'm still completely baffled as to what to do re: my blog, and if I should go private or not.  I actually am really proud of Blogxygen, and while I'm not proud of my eating disorder, I'm proud that I've come this far and have made it through...I just don't know if I still want anyone on the interwebs to be able to read everything about me...I mean, I've put myself out there.  I've made myself vulnerable; just about anyone can read everything they want to know about me - and, like I said, I'm proud of how far I've come, and I don't want to be ashamed of my past, but I still don't know if that means I have to be comfortable with everyone knowing so much about me.  I have no idea if that convoluted, run-on sentence made sense, but there you have it.

So I'm going to continue to think about it.  If I do decide to go private, I'll give a few days notice and an opportunity for people to send me their emails for an invite.

15 comments:

eden said...

just a thought (from a complete stranger who has been reading your blog for the past two+ years... so take this for what it's worth) - but I think you can unpublish certain posts if you want to make some of the earlier posts inaccessible. i love reading your blog, so that's my try at keeping you public. (:

Cammy said...

Can you make certain posts private or open only to a set of invitation-only readers? I can understand your concern; hope you find an option that lets you have peace of mind while keeping an outlet for yourself.

lauren said...

What about starting a new non-ed blog? I had an ed blog with thousands of subscribers, but I;m at a different place in my life now & wanted my blog to be about life with my baby girl, not the ed/recovery.
just a thought?

Carolyn said...

Speaking as a complete stranger... One of the reasons I like reading your blog is because it's comforting to hear about someone who has been through an eating disorder and is moving forward-- so many eating disorder blogs have authors that, though they try hard, are still very much caught in the throws of the disease. You really are making progress, and it's such a pleasure to see that there is hope. I think that's why so many people love to read your blog, whether you're writing about the ED or about your everyday life. I know I would like to keep reading!

Rachel said...

Hello there, I'm one of your lurkers who only comments once in a blue moon :-) Anyway, just thought I'd say that I've loved following your blog and watching you change and grow. I have no advice as far as staying public or going private (although I kind of hope you stay public just cuz I'd feel a little creepy asking for an invite to keep reading since I don't actually know you . . . ), but I just thought you should hear that I for one, as a reader, don't think of this as an ED blog--I think of it as just a funny, inspiring, overcoming-challenges-whatever-they-may-be blog. It's great to read a blog that isn't all peaches and cream all the time, nor is it depressing and gloomy. It's just real life, and I love that.

J and E said...

From another stranger who has never commented: I totally agree with what Rachel said. I found your blog when I was fighting disordered eating. Now, I'm doing much, much bette. I enjoy reading your blog no matter where I am in my life or what you're writing about. Which I guess says something about it, huh? :] Anyway, I understand your concern, because the world wide web can be scary! I don't know if there's an option to hide some posts, but I'd vote for that one!

That's my two cents, anyway.

Sairs said...

I agree with the others too about how good your blog is and I understand how you feel personally because I used to have an ED and now I don't, I write about lots of different things. I often think though about those first year of posts and how stuck I was and do I want people to read that. It does make me feel uncomfortable at times but I figure that's me. I've spent too many hours putting my blog together for me to want to stop blogging and I don't want to go private because I like feedback from others at times. I have decided to just try and ignore the uneasy feelings I get and be done with it and keep writing. I hope you do too, it would be a shame for people to miss out on you!
Sarah :)

Courtney said...

First off, sorry I have been MIA from commenting on here for the last, oh I don't know, like 10 years. I've been a little preoccupied but still, that's no excuse because I have been thinking about you and darling little Mila. She is beautiful and you are simply amazing.

Second, I know this has nothing to do with this post but can I just tell you how friggin' awesome you are? Seriously, you need to give yourself MAJOR props for how well you are doing. Postpartum is ROUGH and being in recovery from an ED makes it doubly as tough. Kids are the most amazing little creatures and there are so many moments that make all the blood, sweat, and tears worth it, but all those sleepless nights, hormonal swings, and constant demands sure don't make it easy (and some days they nearly make it unbearable).

Third, I think the questions you are asking about what to do with your blog are totally valid and legit. You need to do what's best for YOU and what feels right to YOU, regardless of what any of us think or want (because of course we all love your blog and want you to keep blogging so we can keep reading!). I have to agree with everyone else that I don't even think of your blog as an "ED" blog, but more as a well-rounded blog about all aspects of your life. And mostly it is a huge inspiration to me because I see someone who has made huge positive changes in her life and who is proof to so many of us that recovery IS possible.

Anyway, I think you've gotten a lot of good suggestions...you could start a new blog (that's still public) and make this one private so you can keep your posts for your own future reference. You could somehow take down posts on this blog that you don't want people to have access to. You could keep this blog and make it private (though unless they've recently changed things I think google only allows you to invite 100 people to read private blogs and I have a feeling you have a lot more followers than that :)). I'm sure there are a ton more options than that and I have no doubt you'll figure it out. Just wanted you to know that I have so much respect for all the progress you have made and for the fact that you're even in a place where you're asking questions like this...to me it shows that you are really leaving the ED behind in the dust.

t. said...

you know if you go private, i'm totally requesting an invite. ;) good luck with your decision.

Tanya said...

I think whatever you do it has to be for you and no one can make that decision. I deal with that feeling of being known as the "sick" girl all the time and I know if there are ways to prevent it I will try it so if you need to go private I totally understand and I will ask for an invite. I think your blog is just a really inspiring piece of work in which you have written about yourself. It makes people laugh and cry and smile. It makes people try to improve their lives to. No matter what you decide I want you to know how much I really do admire you B.

Will said...

I think you are able to make certain posts private if you feel like they are too personal.
Here is my take- I found your blog through baby center and love checking in to see updates. Blogs are a little weird b/c I obviously don't really know you BUT feel like I know you and actually care what you say/about your family/what you are going through.
If you feel uneasy, then you feel uneasy and should make it private.
I think it's great that you'd give ppl notice to email you to be added if they wish....I've had a few blogs that I used to read and they went private without warning and I was sad only b/c I'll never know any updates in their lives.
Again, blogs are weird b/c ppl do share personal information that you start to feel a friendship with someone.
I had given the idea about the white balloons for Kendall and that means something to you...but that also meant a lot to me that an idea I threw out there...could have some meaning in someone else's life.
All of that too say- I'd be sad if I didn't know how your story continued and since we will have 2 kiddos soon...It's good to see updates of something living it!
Again- this could be private with ppl added and maybe you'd feel better than just a random person pulling up pictures of your life/family.

Annalisa said...

just invite me if you go private helpfulannalisaATgmailDOTcom

CG said...

I just want to chime in and say I don't think of it as an ED blog anymore either. I think you are an absolute inspiration (with, as others say, some great humor thrown in for good measure). :) Whatever you choose to do, thanks so much for sharing this journey!!

tawny said...

I know what u mean. about the blog..sometimes it feels a bit weird that peeps are out there reading about our lives...

but have to say, you have obviously inspired many with your blog. You ARE real and people feel that and learn from you. You are such a talented writer. wish I could do that. love ya girl. Love seeing all your pics. give
cade a big kiss from auntie tawny. loves to u!

Frustrated Unemployed Actress said...
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