Wednesday, August 3, 2011

A Post-Baby Update

She looks so small in the crib!
Well, settling into life and a routine with two children has gone well – for the most part. I am actually really grateful that Cade is older, because he is so gentle and kind around Mila, and doesn’t hurt or bug her in any way. At first he all but ignored her, but now he is starting to talk to her and smile at her and touch her head gently, which I’m happy he’s learning to do. I think at first he was a bit intimidated and scared of her, honestly, but now he seems to be adjusting well. I think there are moments when he gets a little jealous, but for the most part he is being a trooper, and I’m happy for that. Cade’s 5th birthday is tomorrow; I can’t believe my little boy is going to be so big. He’s starting Kindergarten in the fall, and I’m just thinking, where did the time go? How is my little boy not so little anymore? How am I old enough to have a child in school? That sounds so WEIRD.

Miss Mila is doing great. I took her to the pediatrician for a weight check, and she’s only lost 6 oz, so she’s down to 7 lbs, but she’s eating like a champ, and her doc expects her to be back up to her birth weight by her two week checkup. Last night she slept from 11 pm to 4 am, and I am astounded that she already slept 5 consecutive hours – it was amazing! I’m not optimistic that it’s a trend that will continue, though I’d love that – but still, it was a nice reprieve from waking up every two hours to feed her. Speaking of feeding her: breastfeeding is really, really hard. :( I find it excruciating. Literally, it feels like a bear cub is gnawing on my nipples. GNAWING. And…no one talks about how much breast-feeding hurts. But it does. And I’m not saying it’s not worth it, because I want Mila to nurse; I like the idea that I can provide something for my baby to grow healthy and strong that no one else can give her – I WANT to nurture her – but I just wish it wasn’t such a painful process. I know it will get easier, but at the moment, Girlfriend is in serious pain over here. How can something that is so small and has no teeth hurt so much?! Hooooooly guacamole.

Mommy and Mila
I’m trying to be patient with my body. It definitely doesn’t look cute and skinny right now, so that’s been a challenge; having the patience to just give it time to get back to where I was, but more slowly. My uterus is still big, so I look about 4 months pregnant still, and that’s been hard – I mean, it doesn’t matter how much I suck in my tummy, that sucka ain’t going away, at least not for a week or two. My dietician has put me on a mealplan that isenough to sustain me while I’m breast-feeding, and I’ll admit that it seems like an awful lot of food, but I am following it because I really and truly want to do what is best for Mila, and I DO NOT want to relapse. There are no thoughts in my brain about going all anorexic again – nuh uh. I really think I’m FINALLY moving past all that stupid crap. So yes, I do want my old, pre-pregnant body back (the healthy one, not the anorexic one) but NO I do not want to resort to eating disorder behaviors, like I did post-Cade, to get there. So, the main thing I think I need right now is patience, because the weight will come off me, but in following this mealplan my dietician has given me, it won’t happen super quickly. It just won’t. And I need to be okay with that.

No Post-Partum Depression to speak of either, though I will say that I think my anxiety is a little higher than normal, but I really think that a combination of falling hormones and lack of sleep is making me a bit nutty. But…in general? I am just so happy with my family. I already can’t imagine how I ever lived without Mila in our little family. It feels really right to just…I dunno…feel content. I like it. :)

And, lastly, I got my haircut today. Mama needed a change. I cut off almost 4 inches and got bangs. You likey?

Enjoy some more pics of Baby Mila. I hope you can’t get enough of her, because at the rate I’m taking pictures, you’re going to be getting a lot more!

I've decided Mila looks absolutely lovely in lavender!


LuminosiT said...

She is absolutely adorable. And momma may not be the same shape, but you've got good style, and sometimes that's all that counts, right? ;)

Dianne said...

I love her.

allegri said...

<3 she is adorable in lavender! A perfect color for her skin tone! Sending prayers that a good sleeping habit continues!

Heather Lindquist said...

She's absolutely precious. So teeny! It's hard to believe they start out that small! And Cade looks like a very proud big brother, by the way.

And don't get me started on the whole post-preggo belly! Oh my's been 6 months for me and I still have a nice pooch. My body is not even close to pre-preggo, and as much as I dislike it, I'm too darn tired to do anything about it. I guess, in a way, that's a good thing? Humph.

And lastly, I agree about breastfeeding. It HURTS! It took a good 6 weeks for me to stop squealing in pain when he would glomp on. Holy moly. Now, all is well. I barely feel his glomp anymore.

Oh....and I love your hair! Mine is looking quite awful as it is still falling out. I'm amazed I'm not bald.

Will said...

oh. my. SO little and such a cutie!
i'd ask to talk to the lactaction consultant at your next dr. visit or call the nurse helpline at the hopsital (or does your insurance pay for someone to come out a week or 2 later)? Breastfeeding is the hardest thing ever but it shouldn't be that uncomfortable. I was told at the hospital if it really hurt, they were not latched correctly. It shouldn't be that uncomfortable! but super hard.

Shanllleigh said...

I suggest seeing a lactation consultant to check on Mila's latch. It may just need a a little adjustment and that might help with the discomfort. Hang in there the breastfeeding gets better after the first few weeks.She is beautiful and it sounds like yall are doing very well! I am very happy for you!

Tylaine said...

I'm glad you're doing so well Brie. You look gorgeous and Mila looks gorgeous!
Little tip for breastfeeding:
After you're done squeeze out a bit of milk and rub it on and let dry. Worked wonders for me :)

Tylaine said...

Oh and I totally love the hair!!!

Brittney said...

You are awesome! I am so happy for you. Mila is seriously so beautiful!

Stephanie said...

um... that picture of Mila laying in her crib is adorable... CAN'T EVEN STAND it!!! And you look so beautiful. I miss you and cant wait to see you both.

CG said...

She is precious. Brie, I just want to thank you so much for sharing this story with the world. I have to tell you - you are my husband's new hero. He gets really happy and optimistic about us having a baby in a year or so when he sees that others have fought EDs and won, and successfully conquered pregnancy (I just sent him the ink to your blog). Thank you so much for this.

brie said...

CG - i cannot tell you how much this comment has meant to me. thanks so much. <3

emo said...

Keep the pics coming! I love the pictures. You really are such a pretty mom and Mila is a pretty baby. You looked so good when I saw you today. Gosh I know that feeling about the weight thing and wanting it off after the baby is out of ya. I eat wack and lose and gain weight. It's crazy how much of a stress eater I can be! I agree losing weight in a healthy fashion is best. I am constantly reminding myself of that too!
Thanks for posting pics. I love them!

Jen said...

Congrats! You look fantastic and so does baby Mila.
I love love loved breastfeeding my little boy... so much that I actually still have 4 oz stored in my freezer and my son is two... okay TMI, I know I know. But I really wish people talked more about the start up process. I've never known pain like that in my life. I was engorged and then nipples cracked and on and on. Have you tried the Lansinoh cream? I can't remember the exact name but it's for cracked nipples, safe for the baby and helped some.
Anyways, hang in there and know you aren't alone in the pain area. Speaking with a lactation consultant is a great idea- I still think it's going to take a little getting used to it, at least it did for me. You really are doing the best thing for little Mila, and in my experience it was the best thing for Mommy as I felt a huge sense of bonding between me and my little man. I'd go through the pain 100 x's over.
Kudos for sticking to your meal plan! Wahoo for you!
p.s. you know that pooch will be 90% gone within a few weeks :) Either way you look amazing and I now want another baby after seeing you two.

Cammy said...

So, so happy that Mila is doing well! She really is beautiful, and lucky to have a mom who has made so much effort to ensure that she came into the world healthy and well-taken care of.

I know it's got to be pretty frustrating to wait for your body to return to normal, but remember that it didn't go from point A to point B overnight, and won't go back that fast either, even though your body WILL indeed readjust and look more like what you want, but stressing won't speed it other words, hang in there, chica. And just FYI, I was clicking through some pictures of you on FB today (the album with the new Mila pictures has old ones of you too, swear I'm not a huge creeper!), and honestly I think your face looks more beautiful than ever (and you've always been gorgeous) right now. Wouldn't make a point of saying that if I didn't really think it.

Enjoy your little girl, you deserve nothing less.