You know, most peeps love fall because they can wax poetic about the beautiful orange and red leaves, and the pumpkin carving, and the harvest moons…
I love fall because I can wax poetic about the RETURN OF NETWORK TELEVISION. Seriously I always wonder how I even make it through the summer. How do I survive without my weekly doses of Jillian’s eyebrows and Blair’s schemes and Tyra’s fierce outfits? I mean HONESTLY.
So tomorrow is the return of my all time favorite, Biggest Loser. And to celebrate the premier, I am having a party, and the only stipulation is that you must bring some food to share. And NO, you cannot bring carrot sticks and raisins. You must bring the most un-Biggest Loser like snack you can think of, that way while the new contestants and SOBBING and SWEATING PROFUSELY after walking only 100 yards, I can gleefully watch them while noshing on the very food that got them there in the first place. It’s so fun, you should try it! So if you’d like to be on the guest list for tomorrow night, do let me know. Just come prepared to EAT and LOVE JILLIAN’S EYEBROWS. A’ight?
Speaking of like eating and gaining weight…
I have a fun story for you:
When it’s GLARINGLY OBVIOUS that someone has gained weight, comment on their hair instead. Tell them they have really shiny hair or maybe a really sweet spirit, instead of going for the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS option by telling them that the badonka donk in their trunk is GLARINGLY AWESOME.
(Just a GLARINGLY OBVIOUS reminder.)