Cade asks me several times a day if I'm having a baby. When I tell him no, he asks, so innocently, "'But Mommy, why not?" He asks me repeatedly if Baby Penny (his cousin, who was born on the day Kendall was due) can be his little sister, and when I reply and tell him that she's not his sister, just his cousin, he gets sad, and begs me to be her mommy so she can be his sister.
I ache that I can't give him another sibling. I ache that Kenall is gone. Because if I could; if Cade were old enough so he could understand, I'd sit him on my lap and tell him that his sister is gone but that he's still a big brother anyway, and I'd try to explain to him that someday, he'll get to be a big brother in this lifetime, and someday, Mommy will be pregnant again.
But when I tell him these things, he doesn't understand. And I think he's lonely. And it makes me sad. It makes me ache.