Monday, November 8, 2010
Why haven’t I written you ask? I honestly think it’s because I’ve had SO MUCH going on, I just got so overwhelmed. I didn’t want to write a blog because I had no idea where to write and what to say and what not to say and really it just got to be too much. This girlfriend isn’t usually bereft of words, but let’s just say it’s been quite a month.
A quick update:
I went back to work at [Healthcare Company] for an indeterminate period of time. I am here to help catch them up and keep them afloat while they look for someone to fill the position I am currently subbing in for. The pay is great and they enticed me with all that money; visions of new pair after pair of TOMS dancing before my eyes. ;) So I’m back to work for 20 hours a week. It’s been quite the adjustment, after getting used to sleeping in every morning. This am my alarm went off at 6:30 and I literally wanted to spontaneously combust and maybe DIE because at least that would have meant I’d have gotten shipped off to the hospital where they’d let me sleep rather than go into work at 7 am and sit in my lil’ cubicle and stare at spreadsheet after spreadsheet…
Yikes. I’m making my job sound SUPER FUN aren’t I? ;)
Halloween was a lot of fun – we went to party after party. Cade was Iron Man and I was a Cold Person Having an Acute Allergic Reaction. I was quite the sight!
Therapy stuff is going good – more or less meh the same. Between seeing the Almighty T 2x/week and my D once/week and and and having group once/week and seeing my other T once/week and my ED doc every other week, sweet Jezebel I have NO free time, because if I’m not in Mental Health Land getting help for all my effing problems, I’m at work! Can we just say I’m really overwhelmed? And busy? And preoccupied? I mean I know what I’m doing is working, because I’m maintaining my weight even though it’s HARD (I haven’t weighed this much since I was pregnant with Cade!) and I hate my, you know, exploding thighs, but I’m doin’ it, I’m making this recovery thing work, so even though I sigh and grumble about all my appointments, they’re really what’s keeping me afloat right now. So I’ll zip my lips and halt my fingers on the complainage. Moving on!
This Friday I have a big anniversary coming up – it’s the one year marker of losing Kendall. Very quietly consumed by grief and “what if’’s.” the holiday’s are always hard, and they’re even harder now, missing her, and also thinking back to where I was last year at this time – so consumed by grief and so SICK physically with the ED, grossly underweight, but also so sick in my mind and in my heart. I’m glad I’m not there anymore but it seems all my holiday memories are tainted by some of the icky stuff. Please, please, if you’d like, join me on Friday by writing love on your arm in honor of Kendall and anybody that you have lost.
I’m now uberly obsessed with the show Criminal Minds. Husband and I watch a few episodes of night and I’m ravenously devouring it! It ranks right up there with Biggest Loser, but I still don’t think ANYTHING can trump my love for Jillian and her eyebrows…anyone else watch this show and love it?
Big B is doing well. He’s really busy with work and school and is still my main squeeze. Currently he and Lil’ C are at home pukin’ away. I’m gleefully noshing on Sour Cream ‘n Onion chips, glad I’m not. ;)
I’ve tried to intermittently post a few photos that were taken this past month here on the blog too. (Scratch that, Blogger won't let me upload them. Grrr!) Hope you are all well and happy and recovering and like loving life. I know I’m trying to over here, even on days like today where I just want to sigh, pull my covers over my head, and hibernate. Wuv you all.
© blogalisciousness by brie at 9:38 PM