Changes Around Here

Caden lost his first tooth yesterday!  It had been loose for awhile, but he was too scared to wiggle it too much or pull at it, mostly because I'm pretty sure Brandon scared the crap out of him when he showed him a youtube video of someone tying their loose tooth to a bottle rocket and lighting it.  Nice parenting move, babe.

Anyway, I fixed him his toast with strawberry jelly for breakfast, and it sort of just fell undramatically out of his mouth and landed on his shirt.  He didn't even know what happened, and it didn't even bleed!  But I can't believe I have a kid old enough to be losing teeth.  Pretty soon puberty is gonna hit.  Oh crap!

We are gearing up to landscape our yard.  We aren't doing anything fancy; mostly just a big garden (yes I'm actually going to try to keep something alive other than my children - garden vegetables are WAY harder than kids) and some room for a flower garden and our tramp - but mostly, we just want a ton of grass.  11,000 square feet of grass, to be exact.  That is A LOT of grass.  Here is a pic of how big our yard is, and the full backyard here isn't even pictured!

Brandon and his dad and brothers and some of our awesome neighbors came over and helped us start digging trenches for sprinklers today, and we are about halfway done.  We're hoping to finish digging tomorrow, but poor Bran is so sore; he's got blisters on his hands and can't even walk!! - so we'll see what happens, but I'm hoping to get this done soonish, so that we can fully enjoy a grassy yard for the summer.  I am SO SICK of my kids playing outside and getting either crazy muddy or crazy dusty.

So, lots of changes going on here.  Growing kids, a growing yard...lots of good stuff!

And, I'll leave you with a cute picture of Mila I took today.  I kind of want to squeeze her and her adorable beaver teeth.

Weight Gain and Pregnancy

Been an interesting couple of days for me.

Last night in group, the T basically said that talking about pregnancy while one has an eating disorder was like the "big pink elephant" in the room that no one was talking about.  Obviously, she was referencing me, but why that elephant was pink, I don't know...

Ahem.  Sorry.

So I was a little startled and caught off guard, because I had no idea that group was going to be all about me.  She was really nice (which is rare for her, ha!) but basically said that she knew my intentions were good, and she knew I was trying really hard, but she said she still saw parts of my eating disorder leaking through despite the pregnancy, and she thought I was in pretty heavy denial, and it really scared her, because while pregnant, I just don't really have a lot of room for trial and error.

Pic:  I snapped this picture this morning, all pissy I had to drive in the FREAKING SNOW ON MARCH 22ND.  IT IS SPRING STUPID EARTH, GIVE ME SOME FLOWERS AND SUNSHINE!

If you hooked me up to a polygraph, and asked me if I was engaging in my eating disorder at this time, I would say absolutely NO, and I would pass that test with flying colors.  So I was a little...agog.  Surprised.  Unsure of how to respond.  I mean, how do you tell someone you're not in denial, while actually not sounding like you're even more in denial?  So I basically carefully responded by saying that I was very confused, and a little frustrated, because I didn't understand how I could be engaging in my eating disorder (so, restricting) when I'm following my meal plan, which is really high, since I'm on weight gain.

Pic: my baby belly, ripening nicely...

But, I was pretty much told that I am not gaining fast enough for how far along in my pregnancy that I am, and because I started this pregnancy underweight, I have to gain 35-45 lbs, as opposed to the 25ish that is recommended for a person of normal weight when getting pregnant.  So, to hit the 40ish lb mark, I need to be gaining more quickly than I am.

Which, okay, I get that, and I can do that, but it isn't as easy as snapping my fingers and getting the pounds magically on.  I am eating a crap load, and still not gaining super fast.  My metabolism is super fast, and I'm pregnant, so lots is going to the baby...so I'm just...I'm not an Olympic Weight Gainer.  But I am trying! 

So the take home message I basically got last night was that I was recognized for how hard I'm trying, but that I need to be doing more.  I can do that.  I wouldn't EVER do anything to intentionally put the baby in any sort of jeopardy.  I know that having an eating disorder while pregnant is not ideal, and I can tell you from experience many times over that it is HARD.  Like, harder than hell, harder than I'll ever be able to put into words.  And, some women choose to not go that route, and I respect that.  But, for me, becoming a mother has been the greatest blessing in my life and brought me the most beautiful kind of joy, and I believe that getting pregnant, despite the eating disorder, and choosing to kick it in the ass to take care of my baby is my calling.  I derive no greater joy in life than nurturing my children.  So, to have this opportunity to bring a new little chica or baby man into this world leaves me speechless with gratitude.  So, whatever I have to go through to get my baby here, I will do it.  Yes, yes, a million times, yes.  Little Baby, you are worth it.  ♥

Pic: Cade lookin too cool fo' school.  Hopefully all that dirt and weeds you see will soon be lush and fertile with grass and shrubbery!  We are hoping to put our yard in soon, but that is a whole other post for another day...

In other baby news, we are hopefully finding out pretty soon here if it is a boy or a girl.  I still wholeheartedly think it is a girl, but will be pleasantly surprised if it's a boy.  Either way I am happy.  I am having fun thinking of names, but I don't want to post anything on here yet, until I feel more sure.

I also bought a fetal doppler to be able to listen to the baby's heart beat whenever I so desire, (so, like 457 times a day) and it came in the mail today and I got so happy listening to that little heart rate of 175 thumping away.  It was so thrilling, and relieving, and calming, and exciting...the $$ was so worth it for the peace of mind!

Pic: I give you last, but not least, my giant Bobbi-licious melting down the stairs.  I love how she has to anchor herself with her left paw, because I think if she wasn't, she's so top heavy that she'd tumble head first down the stairs.  :)

12

I seriously tried desperately for a few weeks to hide my emerging bump - and kind of failed - mostly I looked like a chunky house mom hiding her waistline by wearing billowy shirts.  Finally, a few days ago, I gave up, and decided I'll just let the bump be loud and proud.  I mean, this IS my 5th pregnancy.  I'm just going to show much faster than I used to, no getting around that...

But.

My maternity clothes are ugly.  :(  Someone please convince Brandon that investing in an entire new wardrobe that I'll only use for 6 months is practical.

I am SO sad that I'm going to wear ugly and practical shirts for the next little while.  Lately I have really loved wearing my quirky clothing style and just being fun and different...now it's back to the ugly look that I have to wear.  There is just no variety in maternity clothes!  I don't want to look like a house mom with no style!  I'm cool!  I need cool clothes!

Rats.

Happy March

Well, I seem to do pictures better than words lately, so I decided to post a bunch of pics that I've taken over the last month or so to update you guys on my happenings.  Also, a quick recap:

Overall, I am well.  Been dealing with some killer morning sickness; it's by far the worst it's ever been, and this is my 5th pregnancy.  Luckily my OB prescribed me two different meds for nausea, and I alternate them, which seems to help.  I also injured my back at the beginning of the pregnancy AND got the flu, and add to that the nausea, and I was pretty much useless. (Hence the no posts in February thing.)  Poor Brandon had to shoulder ALL the responsibility for awhile, because I literally was parked on the couch for days.  He even had to carry me to the bathroom because my back was so injured I couldn't walk.  It was awesome.  That's love - parkin your wife on the toilet.  :)

But, thankfully, most of that is getting better.  My back is (for the most part) just fine now, and the nausea is a little better, but really, I think I'm just getting better at figuring out how to deal with it and stop it before it gets to the actual puking phase.  And, hopefully just a couple more weeks before it really starts to abate.

We are thrilled to be pregnant, though the anxiety that I'm going to lose this little one has been pretty debilitating.  But, I'm just workin on faith, and I keep moving forward.  I had an ultrasound yesterday and got to see him or her squirming and kicking with an excellent heart rate, all of which are very comforting.

We will find out sometime next month if it's a little chica or chico.  I am kind of hoping for a boy - like, if in my perfect world, I could pick, I'd love to have a squishy little man around again, but I FEEL like it's a girl, and this pregnancy mimics my pregnancies with Mila and Kendall moreso than with Cade.  Either way, of course, I'll be so thrilled.  We're thinking of some fun names, too.

Both of the kids are great.  Mila is still teeny tiny (5th percentile) and only has 4 teeth plus 1 molar, but lots more teeth are coming.  Cade loves kindergarten and our new neighborhood and has made loads of friends.  They are both healthy and happy and content and I couldn't ask for more.

I'm still doing the treatment thing, but am doing pretty well with it.  I still have some weight to gain, and add that I'm pregnant on top of it, the need to gain more quickly is there, which I'm really trying to do, but also emotionally etc I am trying to keep my head above water and just keep truckin.  Kind of been a harder week for me emotionally, but yesterday and today I am really trying hard to pull myself out of it.  Luckily I have a really awesome husband who took the day off work yesterday to clean the house for me and make me a completely lavish lunch of steak and rice and veggies. (Anything I can squirt A1 on I go for!) He also tickled my back and waited on me hand and foot all day.  Tonight he is taking me on a hot date to help me relax and have fun away from the kids.  So, I'm gettin through it.

And now on to the pictures!

Look at this puppy!  (OR SHOULD I SAY KITTEN??)  I LOVE this shirt.  It makes me happy.

A couple weeks ago my niece Madi got married, and this is Cade and I at the dinner to celebrate their marriage.  He looked so suave in his new shirt and tie.  And he insisted we do his hair "fancy!"  Love this pic of us.

Just a pic of me, pre-red hair...

This stinkin kid.  I can't stand how cute he is.  Brandon went out and bought him his first skating gear, and he loves it - he's outside right now, taking advantage of the mid-40's weather and teaching himself to skate. 

Had to get at least one picture of le fat cat.

Red hair and orange lipstick I got from MAC.  I wanted a fun color for the spring, and somehow got convinced to go orange.  I must admit I actually wear it though...

Love my main man.

Holy freakin wild hair. 

Cute little chicken was out!

Cade playin with his cousin Penny.  They are both so cute together.

Mila playin gangsta...

Daddy and Cade playing at Airborne.  Mommy couldn't really jump because she was afraid the baby would have plopped out of her uterus.  Icky.

Hope all is well with all of you.
XO

Wave Hello!

Brandon and I are doin our part to re-spawn the earth with really awesome kiddos.  We are thrilled to announce a new little chicken into our family, due September 2013.

Geek Chic

I love my red hair and chunky glasses.