And that's been on my mind a lot lately - the fear that I'm going to continue to miscarry, to continue to lose children.
I love Cade and Mila with everything I have. They are my world. And, God willing, I'll have another, but if not...
I have them. And in the end, that will be enough.
So, I have to publicly acknowledge how much I love them and how much they mean to me. They bring me more joy than I really ever though I'd have. In the throes of my my eating disorder, years ago, nothing made me happy. Now I can smile and laugh out loud and really mean it, because they are my world. They bring that joy and meaning to my life that I didn't ever think I'd find.
And, yes, I've lost two kids...but I have two kids...
and they are so amazing.
They make life beautiful.
So, I"ll take my 50%. And hope that percentage can swing a little more in my favor, in time. But if not?
I have my 50%.